My two daughters are very different in many ways. One is very calculated, while the other is more care-free. One is so concerned with staying away from germs, while it seems that the other has no concept of clean vs dirty, no matter how many times I over-react when i see her touching (and eating) anything germ-infested. I could go on and on about their differences, but that’s really not what I wish to dwell on now.

There is one thing that’s common for both of them, and I guess kids in general. Kids generally like the feeling of being in control. I initially thought it was a birth-order thing when I first noticed this behavior in my firstborn. I assumed that being the eldest, Alyanna instinctively had that urge to be over-protective of her little sister. I might have been right. It may in part be because of birth order. But I am also starting to see this behavior in my younger daughter. Sometimes she even acts as if she’s the boss over her Atsi (older sister)!

Most of the fights they have are usually caused by their desire to lord it over the other.  Both like to decide what to do with a particular toy. Both like to dictate how to dress their doll up, or who they want their doll to represent. Both like to impose their own rules in a certain game. Both get frustrated if their rules are not followed (since both end up playing by their own rules). Both insist on having their way still and would fight for their cause no matter what it takes— nagging, whining, or crying. Both eventually make a statement that they don’t like playing with each other when they can’t convince or get the other sibling to change her mind.

I wish I could say that this control craving applies only to kids. But we take one look at our world today, and we see that it is filled with people who desire to control other people, who desire to control the circumstances surrounding them. I admit that it is my belief that a part of the reason why God commanded us wives to submit to our husbands is because us women too have a natural tendency to want to control our husbands and get our own way. Most men also desire to get on top of their game and get to a position of power to be able to control those under them. I would like to think the recent campaigning and elections were really about public service, but we have to admit that a lot of it also has to do with people wanting to gain control over others.

I don’t mean to say that this desire to control is bad. I do think, however, that if channeled at the wrong things and for the wrong reasons, it is. I also am not really sure where this natural desire to control stems from. IF I see this behavior again in my third and fourth kids (in the FUTURE), then I can really conclude that it really is not a birth-order thing.

I am inclined to believe that this is actually a part of how God has wired us. In a way, it is what sets us apart from other primates– our desire and ability to control. Where we must channel our energies on, though, is not on the desire part, but on the ability.

This is what we are to remind ourselves and what we are to teach our children:  We cannot  control everyone around us. We cannot always have things our way in our relationships. We cannot control the circumstances that life presents us with. We do, however, have the power and the ability to control ourselves.  We have the power to choose to love unconditionally even when things don’t go our way. We can control how we respond to things and how we behave. Hopefully, as we gain good control over ourselves, as we are able to govern ourselves as we should, we would somehow be able to influence others positively, too.