I was trying to make sense of my schedule tonight. Without realizing it, I have been saying yes to people and yes to a lot of responsibilities since the beginning of this year (or has it been this way for a number of years now??), more than what is necessary. It’s so much easier to say yes, isn’t it?? I don’t have to feel bad for turning down some people or some tasks….as long as I say yes. Of course, it is also such a joy to spend time with people and to build relationship with them. My love language is time, so any invitation to hang out is difficult for me to say no to– especially when there’s food involved (correction: my love language is time AND food). Almost always, I am more than willing to spend my time doing things that I love, for people that I love (or I’d love to get to know and love)…and forget about how much time I can actually afford to give them. For example, I’d set an appointment with someone and tell that person I can meet her for an hour. An hour would pass, then two, then three..and I still would not be able to find it in me to tell that person that I have to go and do something else. I tell myself that I’d just adjust the rest of my schedule and try to offset whatever time was  ”lost” by waking up extra extra early or sleeping extra extra late. Of course we all know that this would domino down to the household duties, parenting duties, wife duties….and all other areas we still need to take care of. This happens with all other chores too. I love taking care of the home, so much so that I don’t mind not sleeping just to finish whatever task I am preoccupied with.

If I just look at things superficially, everything actually looks fine. It is good that I spend time with people. It is good that I make sure the house is orderly. It is good that I am with the kids practically everyday. It is good that I can do ministry stuff that I so love, in support of my husband’s work. It is good that my nights are more or less set to be with Dennis. It all looks good.

“Looks” good.

But I just know I need to do some tweaking. I feel I am spreading myself too thin, compromising whatever BEST I can actually give to my family.

So tonight I listed down everything that I have on my plate (I wonder why this sentence makes me want to go out and grab something to eat??). I ended up overwhelmed, having a whole web of words on my notebook! I actually had to solicit Dennis’ help, since he is my schedule-and-strategy go-to guy. He helped—–a bit. He was able to get two things off my plate, but that was about it. His conclusion was: “There’s really not much you can do about your responsibilities, except put a specific time for each of those names/tasks…or to put a specific name to your time.”

Gee. Thanks a lot. :I

No, really… Thanks a lot. Put a name to your time— I hate to be legalistic with my time, but this may be what I need to focus on in the next couple of months or so…get used to putting a name to my time, and not let another name take over.

Hmm….there’s a word for this……

Is it DISCIPLINE??

Ah. Don’t we all love this word?

Anyway, as I was attempting to make sense of my days, I began to wonder how I made it last year with everything that went on. It was by far the most unstable year for us and I could not even figure out how we managed to get by. Then I remembered my other mom-friends who have to work aside from having to fulfill their tasks at home. Then I thought of my other mom-friends who have a lot more kids than me, and also minister to a gazillion number of people.

I could only conclude one thing from tonight’s thought-processing: The only way for me to have had managed the way I did so far has been by grace, and that’s how I will continue to manage. The only way that all my other mom-friends (both working and stay-at-home) are making it is by grace. As my friend Belle would put it, “Best friend natin si Grace” (“Grace is our best friend.”).

I pray for all of you, mom-friends– both “working” in and out of the home, that grace will be your best friend.

That our definition of getting by is not just being able to manage for purposes of survival, but being able to manage with much joy… and our sanity well in tact, too. I pray that this week, we will be able to say no to the things that are really not a matter of life and death, and say yes only to the things that God calls us to do.

To summarize: Let us make this week Project Plato. For me, this would entail unloading some things off my plate, which God is not really telling me to do, and also– literally unloading my plate…. each time I eat.

We can do this!!!!

When God said that He was going to open doors for me and give me opportunities to step out of my comfort zone and start stretching my faith this year, boy did He mean it!!

This month has been very exciting, to say the least. Wait, let me correct myself— this month has been very nerve-wracking, to say the very least! For the first time in my life, I’ve had to preach 11 times this month (so far, eight down, three more to go). That’s almost half of this entire month! In addition to that, I just finished taping an episode with financial guru Randell Tiongson for his show, Money Talk, which will air in a Cebu cable channel this year.

Will you please allow me to do this one thing here??

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!???!?!?!??!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

There. Release.

Just so all of you know, I am NOT the type who would volunteer to do this kind of thing (speaking and all) on a normal basis. If it were up to me, I would rather just sit back and relax. I would rather let all the other people do the talking and not have to feel any bit of tension down my spine. And since I’m married to a preacher, I would rather let my husband do all the talking, while I just watch and take down notes. He’s far better in doing this thing anyway. Everyone else is far better in doing all the things God’s asking me to do anyway.

Yeah… if it were only up to me, I would really just sit back and be comfortable. *dreamy look*

Tsk.

But of course….I know better. :p

I know that it is not up to me. I know that if I just sat back and kept being comfortable, my heart couldn’t be at rest; my innermost being wouldn’t allow me to relax, anyway.

I’ve always asked God to use me in ways bigger than myself. I’ve always been in faith that God will take me places I couldn’t even begin to imagine. I’ve always known that I wouldn’t be just another face in the crowd, but that God will make my life count for something; that God will use my life to make a dent not just in my generation, but in generations yet to come. I’ve known this all along, but it wasn’t until late last year when I really finally allowed God to push me out of my comfort zone and stretch my character and my faith. Yes, on one hand I’ve been in faith as to how God can use me, but my faith was dead in the sense that I didn’t believe in Him enough to allow Him to actually use me the way He wanted to. There was always that fear that He might make me do something I didn’t like, or that’s not comfortable for me, or maybe even something that I couldn’t do.

And I was right. He does want to make me do something that I don’t like, but that He knows I’d love as I go along (which is what’s happening now). He does want to make me do something that’s way out of what is comfortable for me, and something that I certainly could NOT do on my own. All because He wants to take me to that place where I’d have no reason to trust in myself, but to put my trust solely on Him. He wants to take me to that place where there can be no question that it is God himself moving in and through me. He wants to take me to that place where I can make the most impact and bring Him the highest glory… and it’s in the place where there is no “What about me —? How Can I —-? “ left in Thammie.

So yes, Lord. Bring it on. What a privilege it is to experience you bringing  me to a place where there’s none of me– but all of You, magnified.

In short, kakapalan ko na mukha ko Lord, kasi ikaw naman ang haharap, diba?

My mantra for this season is: JUST SHOW UP.

As in all the heroes in the faith that God used in extraordinary ways, just show up....and believe that God would not just show up and fight for you, but that He has already gone ahead and has already won the battles for you.

I’m not sure if a lot of people know this, but I AM a daddy’s girl. I grew up thinking that if ever I do get married, that man had to be just like my dad. Amazingly, in more ways than one, Dennis does have the characteristics I love and respect most about my dad. When I am with them, I always feel like the most secure, accepted, significant, and beautiful girl in the world! They both go out of their way to let the people around them feel loved and important. My dad and Dennis would always tell their friends how I make them look good, but the reality is, my dad and Dennis ACTUALLY make me better.

I grew up having great memories with my dad. As busy as he was because of his medical practice, he made sure he spent quality time with me– he MADE time for me. I blame part of my being a nerd on him (yes, NOW I’m admitting I am KIND OF nerd-ish), not only because he himself is a nerd, but because he used to go home bringing me one “installment” per day of a set of encyclopedia (one book each day). At that time, he made it seem like it was the most expensive and most wonderful gift in the world!

He was also my first sunday school teacher. At a very young age, my dad taught me about the Bible. I would not forget the very first memory verse he taught me that made me want to make sure I was going to be with God in heaven when I leave this earth: “In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.” (John 14:2)…I guess as a child I imagined having that magic castle in heaven prepared just for me– and I wanted that!

As I entered high school, my dad all the more made sure that he spent more time with me. Several nights in a week, even if it was a school night, he would bring home doughnuts and we would have coffee or milk to go with it. Until now, I NEED to have sweets to go along with my coffee– it’s simply a MUST.

My dad is one of the most affectionate men I know. He doesn’t feel the least bit awkward to express his emotions to his children. From when I was a little girl up until when I was in college (and until now!), he would always let me know how proud he was and how much he loved me. Because of my relationship with my dad, I never felt the need to look for affection and acceptance anywhere else. I had more than enough at home.

When Dennis was pursuing me and I had my doubts as to whether or not I would say yes to him, it was my dad who helped me sort through my thoughts, fears, and emotions. He was there to guide me, and is still guiding me until now. He understands my thought processes and the ways of my emotions, thus is able to give me wise counsel a lot of times.

My dad may have not realized it at that time– and maybe he still does not know it, but all those little, seemingly insignificant times he invested in me has made all the difference in the person I am now. The relationship he DELIBERATELY built with me has had probably the biggest impact as to how I relate with other people now. The character and values he taught me has created the platform upon which I could best glorify God in every area and every season of my life. I live a blessed life today, because my dad has shown me what it means to obey God and honor Him as my Lord.

Dads, please don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that those ten minutes of story-telling time you spend every night with your children would not have an impact in their lives. Please don’t ever think that those short three to five sentences worth of prayers would not significantly change their destinies. Please don’t belittle the times when you put aside your computer just to be able to look your children in the eye as they ask you the most senseless questions….because I am living proof that those things do in fact make a difference. Papa, I love you so much. Saying thank you is not even enough to express the deep gratitude that I really feel in my heart.