The internet connection here is crazy! I never know when I can get to go online. Since I’m online now, I might as well give you an update on my stay here in CDO. 
I’ve only been here a couple of days but I am missing Dennis so much already. I really wish he would SURPRISE me and come here even for just a few days! hehe (Now, in this part, I am wishing he gets to read this post and that his eyes would get glued to this particular paragraph! 
)
I wanted to write on my second day here, but I didn’t get the chance to. Well, the only reason I wanted to write was to let my guilt out. On my first full day here (meaning, the day after we arrived), I just sat in front of food the whole day, chatting with my sister. I left the kids with the yaya I grew up with (and so, I trust)… and I really didn’t do any work that day, mainly because there was no housework to be done and the kids were out enjoying the plants and the sun.
By mid-afternoon, I was itching for something to do. I needed to feel like I was doing something productive. That’s when I tried going online to blog (See? I consider communicating with all of you productive! *big grin*). That didn’t work because the connection wasn’t working. I tried to start reading the book I brought with me, but that required too much thinking and focus— something my brain didn’t want to do. I thought about running around the compound since I haven’t done that this year, and thought it would be nice to get to run before June strikes (which would mean we’d be well into the second half of the year already)— thought being the operative word in all this. I thought it would be nice to exercise and get sweaty (thus, shedding off the calories and the guilt from all the food intake)…but I then thought it was too hot and I might get too sweaty. So, I erased that thought. Next, I wanted to clean the room we were staying in, but there really wasn’t much to clean since there’s just a bed, a table and chair, and another bed.
Aaaah!!! The guilt!!!!
“You are being so unproductive Thammie! You’re not working! You’re not busy with anything! You’re not tiring yourself out! Something’s wrong in this picture!!!”
…And then BAM! It hit me: I AM ON VACATION.
Oh… so that’s why I’m not working! That’s why I’m not busy with anything! That’s why I’m not tiring myself out!
Aaahh… I AM ON VACATION!
All too often we mistakenly associate being busy with being productive. We automatically think that as long as we are busy, we are okay because it means we are being productive. And once we take a breather and clear our schedules, we feel guilty because we feel we are not accomplishing anything.
Wrong. Just because we are busy doing things does NOT at all mean that we are being productive. We can be doing a million things yet still not achieve the very things that we are supposed to. Our schedules can look so full and we can appear to be so busy yet miss out on the important things in our lives. We can be preoccupied with too many things yet miss out on the one thing that God has called us to do. Being busy does NOT mean we are being productive.
In this result-oriented society, it is also easy for us to take rest for granted. We live such hurried lives that once we slow down and relax even just for a full day, we get restless before sundown. We act as if the world will fall apart once we stop working. Once we do get that much-needed rest, however, we realize that the world does in fact allow for us to take occasional breaks. Rest recharges us and prepares us to be all the more productive for the next leg of work that we’d be tackling up ahead. The right amount of rest actually helps us become more productive.
Now, am I speaking truth or am I just trying to justify myself and my schedule here??? hehe
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Posted by Thammie Sy on May 18, 2010 in Trips | 0 comments
I’m back in my hometown Cagayan de Oro! Our family has been looking forward to this break since the beginning of this year.
It was quite a hectic first day though. First of all, I was not really in the right condition for flying. I’ve had this horrible cough for two weeks now, which has been giving me a hard time to breathe, and just this week my sinuses have been super congested that my head throbs so much and my ears keep on popping! I managed just fine with the help of some meds, but just when we were about to land, we found out that it was raining so hard here so we had to divert to Cebu. We were supposed to arrive here in Cagayan by 2:30 pm. Instead, we got here almost 6. By this time I really wasn’t feeling well–kind of feverish, maybe also because we weren’t able to have a proper lunch. On the way home, our car’s battery died! We had to wait for my dad to pick us up and for the driver to finish working his magic, which took quite some time because it was still raining hard.
*sigh*… really not quite the way one would like to kick-off her vacation, right? … The weird thing though, is that I still had a great day! I still didn’t feel like my day was wasted since I was with my family, and the two girls were so cheerful and playful the whole time. They had no idea that we had a stressful day! The whole time they were laughing and making up their own games to keep themselves amused. Maybe for them, it didn’t really matter what agenda we had as long as we were together.
Today I was reminded that I always have a choice on how my days would turn out. I could let unpredictable “stress factors” dampen my spirits and whine (which would also dampen my family’s spirits and they too would start to whine), or I could choose to maintain good conversation and bond with my family instead. Today, I chose NOT to let the unpredictable stresses keep me from enjoying time with my family.
I shall CHOOSE not to let temporary discomfort steal my joy– they are, after all, temporary– nothing compared to the lasting impact wonderful memories would have.
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Thammie Sy, Reporting for duty!
I guess you can call our lifestyle as nomadic for the past month. Everything has been somewhat unstable for us since the start of the summer. To recap, our helper got pregnant and had to leave, our other helper got sick and eventually also had to leave, we got a temporary labandera (who made it clear early on that she was only going to work for us for a month, which made it difficult for me to trust her), our aircon broke down right when the heat was at its peak so we all had to squeeze into our kids’ bedroom, I almost got dropped from my class since I was unable to report (having no one to leave the kids with), our temp finally left, we decided to stay over at my in-laws house for a week so I can attend my classes again (and leave the kids with them), we stayed in two different rooms over a period of only a couple of days, and now….I’m in Cagayan de Oro! We just flew in today. Whew!
One thing I’m not really all that excited about, is having to cope with change. If it were up to me, I would love for things and routines to stay the same. It usually takes me some time to get settled into a particular routine and get comfortable with new things.
I am now reminded of the story about Moses and the Israelites, when they exited Egypt. They were given instructions to stay in one place when they saw the pillar of cloud settle, and pack up and leave as soon as the cloud was lifted. How difficult that must have been for the homemakers and mothers at that time! Imagine not knowing how long you had to stay in a certain place, and not being able to psyche yourself up for the the next season of your life. Yikes.
One thing that probably kept the women sane in spite of all the “instability” at that time, however, one thing that perhaps made it somehow easier to follow God’s instructions, trust His leading and wait on Him for their next move, was the fact that they have seen God’s faithfulness as He led them. They have seen His character and knew that it was best to wait on Him (the times they got into most trouble were the times when they forgot to wait and trust!). They were able to trust God to be God, and so let God be God (except for some times of “rebellion” due to impatience on their part).
I know that the changes that have been going on in our household can be considered petty compared to some of the changes that some of you might be experiencing. While mine is just a matter of having to cope with some form of inconvenience in terms of our living conditions, some of you might be going through major transitions. For the other moms, it might be having to cope with changes in your kids as they enter different stages in their lives. For other wives, it might be changes in their husband’s career, or changes in the dynamics of their relationships. Again to some, it might be having to go through rough adjustments due to some loss in finances, or health, or someone in the family. Just the same, I think that we can all learn from the women of the Bible. We can all rest in the fact that we have a God who is faithful. We have a God who is in control, who not only takes note of the changes that are going on in our lives, but is actually on top of all things. Most of all, we have a God who loves us and who will never leave us nor forsake us.
On a side note, I was initially concerned with how my kids will cope with all the change. I was expecting them to cry and look for our helpers, to perhaps complain about the instability. That was not the case at all. On the contrary, I don’t think they even considered anything as unstable. In their eyes, we have been on top of things. They are excited with the fact that they have no other “ate” to run to, only mom and dad. And they are okay because they can see and feel that mom and dad’s love for them remains constant. Ooh, how I want to say that “they’re okay because they are blessed with a mom whose character is very steady, who doesn’t snap nor gets stressed”….but God sees and knows EVERYTHING, so I will not go that route. O=)
How we can best cope with change is not all that different from how we can help our children best cope with what they feel is change. Just like us, they need to know that there is someone who is in control of things, someone they can trust, someone who is on their side, and someone who loves them unconditionally. It is good that they know that their mom/dad can be that someone, but it is best if they learn to look to their Heavenly Father, to be that Someone.
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Posted by Thammie Sy on May 12, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
My two daughters are very different in many ways. One is very calculated, while the other is more care-free. One is so concerned with staying away from germs, while it seems that the other has no concept of clean vs dirty, no matter how many times I over-react when i see her touching (and eating) anything germ-infested. I could go on and on about their differences, but that’s really not what I wish to dwell on now.
There is one thing that’s common for both of them, and I guess kids in general. Kids generally like the feeling of being in control. I initially thought it was a birth-order thing when I first noticed this behavior in my firstborn. I assumed that being the eldest, Alyanna instinctively had that urge to be over-protective of her little sister. I might have been right. It may in part be because of birth order. But I am also starting to see this behavior in my younger daughter. Sometimes she even acts as if she’s the boss over her Atsi (older sister)!
Most of the fights they have are usually caused by their desire to lord it over the other. Both like to decide what to do with a particular toy. Both like to dictate how to dress their doll up, or who they want their doll to represent. Both like to impose their own rules in a certain game. Both get frustrated if their rules are not followed (since both end up playing by their own rules). Both insist on having their way still and would fight for their cause no matter what it takes— nagging, whining, or crying. Both eventually make a statement that they don’t like playing with each other when they can’t convince or get the other sibling to change her mind.
I wish I could say that this control craving applies only to kids. But we take one look at our world today, and we see that it is filled with people who desire to control other people, who desire to control the circumstances surrounding them. I admit that it is my belief that a part of the reason why God commanded us wives to submit to our husbands is because us women too have a natural tendency to want to control our husbands and get our own way. Most men also desire to get on top of their game and get to a position of power to be able to control those under them. I would like to think the recent campaigning and elections were really about public service, but we have to admit that a lot of it also has to do with people wanting to gain control over others.
I don’t mean to say that this desire to control is bad. I do think, however, that if channeled at the wrong things and for the wrong reasons, it is. I also am not really sure where this natural desire to control stems from. IF I see this behavior again in my third and fourth kids (in the FUTURE), then I can really conclude that it really is not a birth-order thing.
I am inclined to believe that this is actually a part of how God has wired us. In a way, it is what sets us apart from other primates– our desire and ability to control. Where we must channel our energies on, though, is not on the desire part, but on the ability.
This is what we are to remind ourselves and what we are to teach our children: We cannot control everyone around us. We cannot always have things our way in our relationships. We cannot control the circumstances that life presents us with. We do, however, have the power and the ability to control ourselves. We have the power to choose to love unconditionally even when things don’t go our way. We can control how we respond to things and how we behave. Hopefully, as we gain good control over ourselves, as we are able to govern ourselves as we should, we would somehow be able to influence others positively, too.
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It all started in the Garden of Eden.
The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” – (Gen. 3:12-13)
Since the beginning of time, up until now, it is human nature to play the blaming game. Our kids do it all the time, but it’s no surprise really, since we do it all the time too. And why not? It is so much easier that way. We relieve ourselves of the responsibility, and if we’re lucky, we might just succeed in relieving ourselves of the consequences of our decisions altogether, right?
Well, it may seem that way. Once we are able to convince those around us that someone else was really responsible for making us act a certain way, we might get excused from receiving the direct consequences of our actions. But is being excused really what is beneficial for us?
Lately, this has been the scenario in our home:
I leave the girls in their room while they are happily and lovingly playing together. After about five minutes, I hear one of them begin to cry, and by the time I get to them, both of them are already crying and trying to overpower the other.
“What happened?”
Unfortunately for the younger sibling, she is not yet quite able to articulate a defense on her behalf, so she resorts to making her cry louder, with the hope of getting my sympathy and my favor.
The older sibling, on other hand, not only is able to speak well, but is quite good in forming a very logical defense for herself.
“Mom! Mika was playing with the toy that I want, but I saw it first!”
“Yes? So what happened?”
Knowing that it’s against the rule to grab, Alyanna’s high-pitched tone becomes softer, as if trying as much as possible not to let me hear her answer…. “I grabbed.”
“Is that right or wrong?”
“Wrong… BUT mom Mika got the toy from the table where I was playing!”
“Grabbing..is it right or wrong?”
“Wrong.”
Lesson One: Whether or not it was somebody else who first did you wrong, you are responsible for what you do next.
If you have ever been in the middle of a sibling fight like this, you know that it doesn’t end here. Usually there is whining involved— a lot of it, usually. In our home, one of the things we teach our kids early on is that “Whining is a no-no.”
“Why are you using that tone of voice, love?”
*more whining* “Because Mika did not want to share with me, and sharing is good!”
Lesson Two: Sometimes we may even have a pretty good case for ourselves, but you are responsible for how you defend your case. If you break the rules along the way, don’t blame it on the other person involved.
“Okay, love I need to discipline you.”
“But mom, Mika also whined and grabbed!…. You’ll give her the rod, too?”
Lesson Three and Four: Just because somebody else is doing it, doesn’t make it right. You have a choice not to follow it. In addition, that person is responsible for his/her actions. Concern yourself with what you are responsible for…. And trust that God (or in this case, mom or dad) will deal with the other person, too.
Of course, just because I don’t really have a dialogue with my two year-old that I can share with you here (it is usually more of a monologue for now, something I cherish since I know my monologue time is almost up), it doesn’t mean that she was excused for what she did. Both of them did what they knew were no-no’s, so both of them had to take responsibility for what they did.
It is human nature to try to put the blame on somebody else, mainly because life just seems easier that way. But if we always try to point our finger and look at the other person and their faults, we will never learn to take responsibility for ourselves– our decisions and our actions. We will grow old and but not grow up. We will grow old and find ourselves still looking for other people to blame for the kind of lives we’re living.
As parents, it is our responsibility to teach our children to take responsibility.
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