While having lunch at Food Choices the other day, Mika pointed to one of the restaurants and asked for its name. “Cucina“, I answered, then I went on to go look for food to order.
When I came back, Mika was so excited.
Mika: “Mom! I know how to read that! I know how to read that!” (pointing to the restaurant name)
Me: “Wow! Really?? Okay please read it for me?”
Mika: *pointing at the sign and “reading” intently* “Seee (C)….You (U)…. Seee (C)…. A…. TITCHEN (kitchen)!”
Me: (Naglolokohan na rin tayo eh...) “Wow!!! Good job!!! But I think you read it in another version anak…but yes you’re right the English word for ‘cucina’ is kitchen! Yaay!!”
Mika “reads” a lot, you see. 
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Last night, while reading bedtime stories to the girls…
Mika: “Mom, I’m so happy so I’m donna make a baby boy for you!” (This declaration came with a great big smile too!)
Me: “Really?!? How will you do that??”
Mika: *Now sporting a wide grin across her face* “Seek-let!“
“…and then I’m donna wrap our baby boy in plastic and I’m donna surprise you!”
Me: (Huwag Anak, baka hindi siya makahinga!)
….Wouldn’t it be great if it really were that easy, though??
“Seek-let!!!”
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It’s seven-thirty in the morning as I am writing this, and I haven’t had any sleep yet. I am now here in the ER of St. Luke’s Medical Center, waiting for the attending doctor to sign Mika’s discharge orders. I requested for them to allow us to go home first, since Mika already fell asleep and there’s not much that they can do for now but to observe her. That’s really all they can tell us for now— “Let’s observe her.”, and that’s precisely what we have been doing since we got here.
At this time, Dennis is seated beside me, asleep (or at least trying very hard to be able to). Mika, too, is sleeping soundly on the bed they have here. Alyanna, on the other hand, well….Alyanna is there in our house sleeping by herself. I am praying she doesn’t wake up until we are back home.
Oh, I forget. I haven’t even told you yet why we are here.
I don’t really know how to describe the events leading up to the time when we had to bring our second daughter Mika to the ER, because there really hasn’t been any “symptom”, as you would call it, that seemed significant enough on its own. I guess I could start from early this week (Tuesday), when Mika all of a sudden lost her appetite. If you have seen Mika eat, you would know that she really eats. She enjoys eating. She got that from m-…uh…DENNIS. Since Tuesday she would refuse to eat proper meals and would always ask for water. I attributed the sudden loss of appetite to probably teething (molars), and the thirst to the heat. No cause of alarm there. Then came Wednesday morning. After breakfast as Mika was walking all of a sudden she vomited a lot of what seemed like her entire breakfast meal. This happened four times, consecutively, so I’m not sure whether to count it as four or as one event, but at that time I considered it as one so I didn’t think it was a cause of concern either. That day, there was still no change in appetite. She then took a nap from 2-6:30 pm. She slept late the previous night, so it made sense for me to think it was because of that.
Thursday came, and I had to leave her over at my in-laws house for the day. They said she didn’t eat much except for a few spoonfuls of rice and some crackers. They’ve seen how she normally eats so they pretty much had a good point of comparison. They also noted that she had no energy the whole day, and that she has lost a lot of weight (they last saw her Sunday). I only saw her that night but already I could agree with them. I also noticed that she had loose stools when I changed her diaper in the morning and that night. Thursday night I thought I should be observing her health more closely.
Yesterday, it was better. She ate more than she has for the past few days, though still not as much as before. All she ate for the day were pasta, rice, some bread, and potato. No meat, no veggies– she refused them. Her stools were very watery and grayish, and quite frequent. (By this time, I already decided to take her for a checkup the next day).
Two AM this morning, Mika all of a sudden vomited out everything she ate since lunch—the rice, pasta, potato, bread….all came out. She had a hard time breathing since they were all still in their undigested form, meaning, how they came in through her mouth was exactly how they looked like as they came out. It was not even watery. It was a good thing that she threw up at the exact moment that Dennis woke me up and asked me to move so he could have more space. I knew it was God who woke both of us up, or else Mika might have had difficulty breathing in her sleep and she wouldn’t have known it. She then made poopoo twice within 30 minutes after her vomiting episode.
We decided to bring her to the ER.
So here we are. Forgive me for having to give you the details of her whole week. I think I’m writing this more for my sake, so in case there’s a need to recount the progression of symptoms, it’s all here. Thank you anyway, for sticking with me up until this point.
Later today, Dennis will be preaching at two of our services at the Fort. We have no nanny. We have two events that we’re supposed to go to. What I’m saying is a good night’s sleep is something that both of us could really use today.
That didn’t happen, so now what do I do?
I do not have much control over what will be taking place the rest of the day. I do not have much control over Mika’s condition. I do, however, have control over how I am going to respond. I could use the lack of sleep as an excuse to be all jumpy and cranky; I could use the stress as a reason to snap at my husband and my children. I could, but I choose not to.
Today, I choose to have joy. I choose to rejoice in the fact that no matter what happens, my God is faithful and sovereign. The God who holds my family knows what He’s doing. I can rest secure in the fact that my God loves me and my family…and that’s just the beauty of it— despite not having any sleep, I can rest. I can rest because my God is on His throne, and He’s watching over me. 
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I don’t really know what it is about raisins, but kids generally love them. I myself do not remember the degree as to which I loved raisins as a child, but now I do like them with baked stuff (oatmeal cookies, walnut loaves, breads…anything baked!). Dennis likes them to a much higher level. He loves anything with raisins. In fact, there are some dishes that he doesn’t really like, but put some raisins on them, and he becomes okay with eating them (or wait, does he just eat the raisins off those dishes?? I have to check next time…). Anyway, my two girls are no different from their dad (or other kids). They love love love raisins. I think they can finish a whole can of raisins if I don’t stop them. It is such a treat for them. Raisins, to them, are what cakes are to me— the ultimate dessert. *kilig smile* 
I was having a not-so-easy time feeding Mika yesterday. Usually, what works is if I give her the promise of having “dessert” after her meal. Usually it’s any kind of fruit. My kids love fruits and almost every meal time they ask for fruits. I usually just tell them they can have their choice of fruit after they eat their meal and they eat without a fuss, knowing there is the promise of what they consider a treat.
This time, it was a can of raisins. Alyanna saw them in our fridge and asked if she could have some after she finished her food and I gave her my okay. Anyway, they had to finish that can before it reaches the expiration date! Of course as expected, Mika gave her usual “me also??” question. I told her the same thing– yes, once she finishes her food. As I said, usually this tactic works. But this time, she started to whine and say no. She just refused to eat her food. I knew she wasn’t full yet since we actually had a late lunch and she hadn’t really taken in much. She just wanted the treat, without giving in to the condition I have set.
Mika started crying and begging me for raisins. I wish I could have taken a video of it! She actually looked funny, now that I think about it…but of course, at that time she just looked like a child who was being abused and being left for hunger. I am not exaggerating— Mika was crying her heart out, reaching for me and grabbing my arm, saying “Mommy!!! (in her very low, husky voice…exacerbated by her cries) Please! I want raisins!! ” And every time I told her to eat what was on her plate (which was not much really) she would refuse. I stayed calm. “Mika, it’s simple. You obey, eat your food, you get your raisins. If you do NOT obey, then you do NOT get to eat any raisins.” She would then say “I’ll eat, and then have raisins after my food??“, to which I replied “Yes!! (with a tone of relief because she got it) Eat your food, and you can have your raisins!! Go Mika!! (using exaggerated, excited, cheerleader tone)” But again, she would refuse and cry. She really did look like this innocent little angel who was being tortured by her parents by their refusal to give her what she “needed”, but the reality was she was just a cute little girl who was outright disobeying. I had to pass the matter to her daddy.
As we were going through the whole drama, this verse came to mind: “To obey is better than sacrifice.” (1 Samuel 15:22). I think I even told her that (hehe who knows? She might just learn the word ’sacrifice’ through this). Mika was crying her heart out, expressing to us what a hard time she was having, but none of her drama really mattered because she was not obeying. Of course I felt sorry for her. Of course I wanted to give in and just give her the raisins. Perhaps given any other scenario, I would have. I would have actually mixed the raisins in with her food as a compromise. But the circumstances surrounding this particular scenario we were in caused me to see what was in her heart. And this time, it was not because she disliked the taste of the food or was full, but she really just wanted to exert her will, get what she wanted, and disobey. I could not allow that to happen.
“To obey is better than sacrifice.” So many times we forget this as adults. We show God how hard a time we are having, having to “give up” something (or someone) we really love, we cry our hearts out and sometimes even question God’s heart and question why He’s not hearing us out. We beg and we beg, to the point that would really show how sincere we really are in our desire for a certain thing in our lives…and often, this thing we are asking for is not at all bad. Why, sometimes we are even convinced that what we are asking for is noble. We try to make a deal with God and try to show God how much we are willing to “suffer” to get hold of that certain thing, and God just looks at us and says “I’m not asking you to suffer. I’m asking you to obey. I’m not torturing you, I’m teaching you. To obey is better than sacrifice.”
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It’s fascinating how our children, though they grow up in the same environment and interact with the same people, still end up with different personalities. Even by just looking at Alyanna and Mikaela (our one year-old), one can already see how different they are. Alyanna is very talkative, is into studying the details of things around her, and is very calculated with her ways. Mika, on the other hand, is the quiet type (so far!), is into watching the people around her, and is not as cautious and calculated as Alyanna. She can roll around our bed and could not care less about falling off the edge. I guess we could say that though Alyanna has Dennis’ looks, she is very much like me, and vise versa.
When Alyanna was a toddler, I appreciated the fact that she and I were so much alike– especially in the area of being cautious. I loved how I never had to warn her about not touching the electric fan and the electrical outlets, not opening drawers, and about how she should not just mouth everything in sight. I loved the thought of not having to worry about her getting injured or sick from “carelessness”.
Mika is just the opposite. I always have to watch her and be ready to tell her “no!” everytime she would try to touch the fan, lick the electrical outlets (yes, LICK!), open and close drawers, and mouth almost everything she sees. She loves to explore with all five senses! Ever since she could move on her own, I was so sure she would be the adventurous and daring type.
Lately, however, I’ve noticed that Mika has been more “fearful” of falling and getting hurt. I know that she is already physically capable of walking on her own, but somehow she freezes and cries everytime I try to let go of one hand (while still being held with the other one) and let her take a few steps. Lately she would not want to go down the bed on her own for fear of “missing” the floor even though she has been able to since she was 11 months old. I realized that this fearless little baby is slowly turning into a very calculated toddler as well–because of me!
Unintentionally, I’ve been teaching her to be fearful, all the while thinking I was just trying to “protect” her from unnecessary accidents.
I realized that though fear is a God-given instinct to us moms (thus making us quick to discern harmful situations), we have to make sure we are able to take control of this instinct and channel it wisely and well within balance. On one hand, we want to protect our children from danger, yet on the other hand, we do not want to cripple them by overly protecting them. There’s a fine line between being careful and being fearful. Being careful is when we take the NECESSARY steps to avoid the negative effects of what is PRESENT and REAL, while being fearful is when we take all precautionary steps –necessary and unnecessary — to avoid all outcomes of what MIGHT happen.
I don’t want my kids to miss LIFE just because they are afraid of what MIGHT happen. This means I myself should live life not constantly being afraid of them getting hurt, but always being reminded that we have a Heavenly Father who loves them much more than I ever could and who would take care of them and keep watch over them even at the times when I couldn’t.
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