We were on our way to meet with a couple when we got a call from another newly-married couple who are good friends of ours. Dennis was already in the car when he got a call from the wife, crying and wanting to talk to me. I was still upstairs at that time, saying goodnight to the kids– so Dennis sent me a text message telling me to bring our other cellphone which allowed for unlimited calls. His exact message was “Bring [unlimited-call cellphone]. Emergency.”

Upon reading the message, several thoughts came rushing into my head. Dennis is not the type who easily panics. He also knows that I easily panic, so he is definitely not the type who would just text me the word emergency if there really was no real emergency. So I hurried downstairs and got into the car.

As soon as I got inside, I asked him what had happened. He told me that our friend called, crying about something, and that they got cut off before she could say why she was crying. I then got a message from her, asking me to call her as soon as I could. Dennis and I looked at each other with worry. We’ve never seen this friend cry before. We’ve always asked both her and her husband how their marriage was, and it has always been with a very confident “we’re doing great!” answer. Dennis and I agreed that if there really was something wrong, we would have to cut short our other meeting and go to their house (it was late into the evening already).

I dialed my friend’s number and waited for her to pick up the phone. When she finally did, I heard a sob before the word hello. I asked her what was wrong. “Bakit?”– was all I could say, in a soft, sympathetic voice. I heard another sob, followed by an attempt to clear her throat and her emotions so that I could understand her better.  Then she told me what was wrong.

“We’re Stuck.”

“What do you mean you’re stuck?”

She went on to explain that they had an argument and they both could not come to an understanding and clear resolve. They could not see eye to eye in this particular situation. They both felt that the other person simply didn’t get it. They were stuck.

She also explained that they both agreed that they were stuck and they needed an outsider’s perspective to somehow help them get unstuck. They both agreed to call us. She was to talk to me, and the husband was to talk to Dennis.

I processed her thoughts with her, while Dennis processed the husband’s argument with him. By the end of the night, they were back to discussing the matter by themselves, and came to an agreeable compromise. There was no need to go to their house after all. We got to relax and take our time with the other couple.

As it turned out, their issue was really not that serious, relative to what other people might consider serious. But we all know that in marriage, it is the small stuff that make a difference. If we can’t handle the small matters in a way that would show love and respect to both parties, we certainly wouldn’t be able to handle the big issues properly.

As Dennis and I were driving home, we were talking about how we knew this couple would have a great marriage. I’m guessing it took a lot of humility (especially on the husband’s part hehe) to both admit that they were stuck, to admit that they needed help, and to be willing to actually hear out another person’s perspective.

Humility in marriage would go a long way. We don’t need to wait for a pressing problem before we swallow our pride and ask for help. It is with the seemingly-trivial concerns that we get to practice this humility which doesn’t at all come naturally to most of us.

I am extremely grateful to have couples who take the time to mentor us even before we get to that point of being stuck.