The internet connection here is crazy! I never know when I can get to go online. Since I’m online now, I might as well give you an update on my stay here in CDO.

I’ve only been here a couple of days but I am missing Dennis so much already. I really wish he would SURPRISE me and come here even for just a few days! hehe (Now, in this part, I am wishing he gets to read this post and that his eyes would get glued to this particular paragraph! )

I wanted to write on my second day here, but I didn’t get the chance to. Well, the only reason I wanted to write was to let my guilt out. On my first full day here (meaning, the day after we arrived), I just sat in front of food the whole day, chatting with my sister. I left the kids with the yaya I grew up with (and so, I trust)… and I really didn’t do any work that day, mainly because there was no housework to be done and the kids were out enjoying the plants and the sun.

By mid-afternoon, I was itching for something to do. I needed to feel like I was doing something productive. That’s when I tried going online to blog (See? I consider communicating with all of you productive! *big grin*). That didn’t work because the connection wasn’t working. I tried to start reading the book I brought with me, but that required too much thinking and focus— something my brain didn’t want to do. I thought about running around the compound since I haven’t done that this year, and thought it would be nice to get to run before June strikes (which would mean we’d be well into the second half of the year already)— thought being the operative word in all this. I thought it would be nice to exercise  and get sweaty (thus, shedding off the calories and the guilt from all the food intake)…but I then thought it was too hot and I might get too sweaty. So, I erased that thought. Next, I wanted to clean the room we were staying in, but there really wasn’t much to clean since there’s just a bed, a table and chair, and another bed.

Aaaah!!! The guilt!!!!

“You are being so unproductive Thammie! You’re not working! You’re not busy with anything! You’re not tiring yourself out! Something’s wrong in this picture!!!”

…And then BAM! It hit me: I AM ON VACATION.

Oh… so that’s why I’m not working! That’s why I’m not busy with anything! That’s why I’m not tiring myself out!

Aaahh… I AM ON VACATION!

All too often we mistakenly associate being busy with being productive. We automatically think that as long as we are busy, we are okay because it means we are being productive. And once we take a breather and clear our schedules, we feel guilty because we feel we are not accomplishing anything.

Wrong. Just because we are busy doing things does NOT at all mean that we are being productive. We can be doing a million things yet still not achieve the very things that we are supposed to. Our schedules can look so full and we can appear to be so busy yet miss out on the important things in our lives. We can be preoccupied with too many things yet miss out on the one thing that God has called us to do. Being busy does NOT mean we are being productive.

In this result-oriented society, it is also easy for us to take rest for granted. We live such hurried lives that once we slow down and relax even just for a full day, we get restless before sundown. We act as if the world will fall apart once we stop working. Once we do get that much-needed rest, however, we realize that the world does in fact allow for us to take occasional breaks. Rest recharges us and prepares us to be all the more productive for the next leg of work that we’d be tackling up ahead. The right amount of rest actually helps us become more productive.

Now, am I speaking truth or am I just trying to justify myself and my schedule here??? hehe