This was a conversation that took place this afternoon while Alyanna and I were baking:

ALYANNA: (while mixing the ingredients, smiles and says…) “Mommy, I’m happy.”

ME: “You are? Why are you happy?” *big smile*

ALYANNA: “Because you gave me a chance.”

ME: “A chance?”

ALYANNA: “Um-hm..A chance to mix. Thank you mommy!”

Now, I’m sure most of you can relate when I say that everytime we let our kids in on what we’re doing, it would surely take more time and more mess…but compared to the joy it brings us (and them), we just end up with a sigh and we say, “oh, well!” 

Anyway, here is a “recipe” (I’m not even sure you can call it that! The amounts I would place here are all based on my hands and eyes) of what we whipped up earlier:

HOMEMADE “HEALTH” BARS

2 cups oatmeal

1 cup bran flakes

1 cup chopped nuts

1/2 cup raisins

1/4 cup sesame seeds

4 tbsp wheatgerm

4 tbsp honey

a tiny amount of fructose (just to add some flavor)

a pinch or two of cinnamon

1/2 cup to 1 cup wheat flour (this, together with the water, is basically just to hold all the other ingredients together)

1/2 cup to 1 cup warm water

* Just mix all the dry ingredients (except flour), add the honey and fructose according to taste (not so much or it won’t be as “healthy” anymore), and mix in the flour and water last (I added this last so I can first make sure I liked the taste already).

* Mix everything well and spread out on a baking pan  (the ones we use for brownies would be perfect). I greased the pan with a little olive oil.

* Bake at 180 degrees for around 15 minutes.

* Let it stand and cool, then slice away!

This is super fast and fun to do. Mika enjoyed it because it had so much texture. And it was actually impromptu. Those were the only ingredients I had that I felt might be of use and good thing  it worked… somehow.

I was having a peaceful time reading my Bible when I heard Alyanna whining and demanding for something in the other room. At that moment, I was tempted to ignore her and thought, it’s supposed to be my “quiet” time with God, anyway. A few seconds later, however, I just knew I couldn’t go on with this alone time if I did not deal with her behavior right away.

I called her into my room and asked what was wrong. She continued to use her whining tone despite my reminder of the consequences that tone would bring about. She was whining because she wanted to wear a hair clip. I’ve told her a  few times before to wait until her hair was dry before wearing one, so this time I reminded her again. She then told me she did not want to obey. As petty as the issue at hand was, I had to deal with her heart so I disciplined her.

Usually, Alyanna would apologize, change her tone, and decide to obey after I discipline her–but this time, she didn’t. Instead, she looked at me and said, “I still don’t like to obey.”

This was not the Alyanna I’ve come to know, so I asked her why she was willing to get the rod from whining, just so she could have her way and wear that clip. She then started crying and said “I have to wear a clip so I can be beautiful! Because I want to be beautiful!”

In my mind, “WHAT?!? You’re three years old!! When I was your age……..I couldn’t even remember how things were when I was your age!”  ……..I decided to take this as a teachable moment.

ME: “Alyanna, do you think wearing a nice hair clip is what would make you beautiful?

ALYANNA: *sobs* “yes!”
ME: “Sweetheart, you know what? Even now that your hair is messy and still wet, I find you beautiful. You have to know it’s not what’s on your hair that makes you beautiful; it’s what’s in your heart–that’s what makes you beautiful. Do you understand?”

ALYANNA: *nods*

ME: *relieved that she got my point* “Okay Alyanna, let’s just fix your hair later when it’s dry okay?”

ALYANNA: “Okay…..” *smiling at this point* “Mom, can I wear my new dress nalang??”

ME: *thinking of the laundry–soap, water, time, effort…plus the wear on the new dress if she used it to play around…plus it was too hot and I was sure she’d get all sweaty as soon as she put on that dress* “Why? We’re not going out…”

ALYANNA: “Mom, because I want to be beautiful!”

ME: *withdrew from the place of relief* “Sweetheart, you know even if you’re wearing worn-out clothes, I still see you as beautiful! You know why? Because it’s not what you wear that makes you beautiful, it’s what’s in your heart. What makes you beautiful is if you have a heart that makes God smile. Do you understand?”

ALYANNA: “Yes, mom…but can I wear my new dress? I want to look beautiful!”

ME: *thinking: naku you better not be like this when you’re sixteen!*….. “Okay, love, but you have to know once you wear that it’ll be hot and you can not complain. You’re okay with that?”

ALYANNA:*excited* “Yes!”

…So off she goes to get her outfit. As I was putting it on her, she was beaming with excitement and when we were finally done, she asked me, “Mom, Am I beautiful??”

—————-

Amazing…this three-year old is already craving for someone to assure her that she’s beautiful.

I want to make sure she grows up knowing that she is– not because of the clothes that she would wear, nor the hair accessories she would put on…but because she would have a heart that honors God. I want to raise her up and guide her towards becoming that beautiful lady God has destined her to be–not just by teaching her how to dress well, but by training her to live a life that would make her Heavenly Father smile.

—————-

PS: Now, when I ask her “What makes you beautiful?” She gives me two answers: one, “If I smile.”, and two, “If I have a heart that makes God smile.” ….So far I say we’re on the right track.

It’s fascinating how our children, though they grow up in the same environment and interact with the same people, still end up with different personalities. Even by just looking at Alyanna and Mikaela (our one year-old), one can already see how different they are. Alyanna is very talkative, is into studying the details of things around her, and is very calculated with her ways. Mika, on the other hand, is the quiet type (so far!), is into watching the people around her, and is not as cautious and calculated as Alyanna. She can roll around our bed and could not care less about falling off the edge. I guess we could say that though Alyanna has Dennis’ looks, she is very much like me, and vise versa.

When Alyanna was a toddler, I appreciated the fact that she and I were so much alike– especially in the area of being cautious. I loved how I never had to warn her about not touching the electric fan and the electrical outlets, not opening drawers, and about how she should not just mouth everything in sight. I loved the thought of not having to worry about her getting injured or sick from “carelessness”.

Mika is just the opposite. I always have to watch her and be ready to tell her “no!” everytime she would try to touch the fan, lick the electrical outlets (yes, LICK!), open and close drawers, and mouth almost everything she sees. She loves to explore with all five senses! Ever since she could move on her own, I was so sure she would be the adventurous and daring type.

Lately, however, I’ve noticed that Mika has been more “fearful” of falling and getting hurt. I know that she is already physically capable of walking on her own, but somehow she freezes and cries everytime I try to let go of one hand (while still being held with the other one) and let her take a few steps. Lately she would not want to go down the bed on her own for fear of “missing” the floor even though she has been able to since she was 11 months old. I realized that this fearless little baby is slowly turning into a very calculated toddler as well–because of me!
Unintentionally, I’ve been teaching her to be fearful, all the while thinking I was just trying to “protect” her from unnecessary accidents.

I realized that though fear is a God-given instinct to us moms (thus making us quick to discern harmful situations), we have to make sure we are able to take control of this instinct and channel it wisely and well within balance. On one hand, we want to protect our children from danger, yet on the other hand, we do not want to cripple them by overly protecting them. There’s a fine line between being careful and being fearful. Being careful is when we take the NECESSARY steps to avoid the negative effects of what is PRESENT and REAL, while being fearful is when we take all precautionary steps –necessary and unnecessary — to avoid all outcomes of what MIGHT happen.

I don’t want my kids to miss LIFE just because they are afraid of what MIGHT happen. This means I myself should live life not constantly being afraid of them getting hurt, but always being reminded that we have a Heavenly Father who loves them much more than I ever could and who would take care of them and keep watch over them even at the times when I couldn’t.

While we were eating lunch yesterday, Alyanna, out of the blue, said this to me:

“Mom, You know what? I’m so blessed to have you as my mommy.”

(Aaaahhh!!! The BEST!!!!)

ME: *with an exaggeratedly happy expression on my face, I suppose* “Really Alyanna???? That’s the sweetest thing to say! That makes me so happy!!!”

ALYANNA: *proud grin* “Are you tat mom?”

ME: “huh?”

ALYANNA: “Are you tat from what I said?”

ME: (Ah!) “Yeees! I’m sooo touched!”

ALYANNA: “Mom, you said touched? Is it touched? I thought it’s tat.”

ME: “Alyanna, you make me happy! ……What about you, what makes you happy?”

ALYANNA: *Stretches out her hand as if to touch my face* “YOU!” *big smile*

….Tat, tot, tet, tut…..I don’t care, anak. You made me feel all those things!

Of course, I know there will be another time when she’ll say she doesn’t love me, especially when I discipline her. That’s part of the whole mother-daughter dance. So for now, let me just savor the moment.