Talk about a way to start a whole new me in a whole new world this whole new year!

Yesterday, I appeared on live television for the very first time. LIVE. One-on-one. Impromptu. TV… Everything that would easily give me more than enough reasons to go with my natural inclination to just shrink back and stay in my comfort zone. Everything would be so much easier for me if i just say no, right? But I didn’t shrink back. I did it. Instead of getting undisturbed sleep and waking up relaxed I chose what I consider to be a very tension-filled path. I chose to say yes. Please don’t ask me why because I really do not know.

Everything happened so fast, really. I was about to have a lovely dinner date with my husband, when I got a call from Wendie of ANC. I couldn’t really hear her so well. Now, I’m not sure if it was really noisy, or if there was something wrong with my phone, or if it was just my subconscious really not wanting to hear properly. Anyway, all I understood was if I was willing to be interviewed on ANC about parenting. At that point I found myself saying yes and asking Wendie if she could text me the details of the show (it really was hard to hear her). Embarrassing as it may be, I really had no clue about the show since we don’t have cable at home. As soon as I put down the phone, I told dennis “Did I just say yes??? Why did I do that???”…but then I thought it couldn’t be that bad, anyway they’d be taping then editing it, and there would probably be someone in the panel who would dominate the conversation and I’d have no chance to speak so I’d be safe, they might even already give me a set of guide questions to prepare me for the interview….and then I received Wendie’s text message. It was to be aired live, there would be no panel…..which meant I would have to speak and I would not be safe after all…and the worst thing, no guide questions!! Why in the world did I say yes??!!?

Still, I knew if I backed out something inside me wouldn’t shut up. There would always be that voice saying “what if??”. I have been asking God to use me in whatever way He wanted, to use even my blogs to somehow help other moms and women. I have told God numerous times to stretch me and increase my level of faith in Him…so it just wouldn’t make much sense for me to not think of this as something that God has orchestrated.

To make the long story short, I stuck by my decision and started my day yesterday with the very unreal scene of an ABS-CBN vehicle parked outside my house to pick me up (given, I got dressed and read my Bible already). On the way to the studio I texted only a handful of people to pray for me, those who I knew would really pray and more importantly, would not have the chance to watch me live.

There were three things I was really worried about: One was not being able to articulate myself well, another was not being able to say what I’m supposed to say (what they’d ask me and what God would want me to answer), and third was how I’d look since I’ve been sleeping at 2 or 3 AM for the past month, up until the other night. Ladies, you can very well relate to the third concern right?? pimples! eyebags! Oh my…!!!

When I got there, I went into the make-up room. At this point I was still hoping that they’d prep me about the whole flow of the interview and that I’d get to meet the host, Lexi Schulze before the start of the show. Well, I did get to meet Lexi, but it was right before the interview itself. It was during the break, when I already had to put on my mic and get ready to go on air. Still, the question, Why did you have to say yes??!? was on my mind. I think I even said it out loud at some point.

Oh yes. I almost forgot I said I was going to make the story short. Sorry.

So there, I found myself sitting in front of the camera, in front of Lexi Schulze, answering questions and sharing stories…it was all so vague….and then before I knew it the longest fifteen minutes of my life was over! It was finished and I survived. The interview was over, I was off the air…and I was still alive!

Until now, I really do not know why I said yes. And you know what? I think there would be more times when I would have to say yes to something and not understand why. I know there would be more moments when God would have me say yes to something I dread or am fearful of. There would be more instances wherein God would put in situations I am not comfortable with, in places I prefer not to be in, and perhaps even with people I would much rather not be with. But I think it would all be in answer to that prayer I so often utter, “Lord, increase my level of faith in you. Stretch my faith. Deepen my passion for you and your purposes. Mold me and use me however, wherever, whenever you desire. Help me to think about myself less, and live for you more and more.”

I told Dennis this was really not the best time for me to say yes to God and to step out in faith and say yes to being interviewed. I felt that my mind was not sharp, I felt I looked terrible from all the sleepless nights, I felt exhausted… not at all the best time because I was not at my best self. But then again I realized, this was not about me looking good, this was about me obeying God. And that’s really all there is to it. It is when we stop thinking about how we feel that God uses us beyond our imagination.

Allow me to share some words of encouragement I got from the handful who knew:

“Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him,
for he shields him all day long,
and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.” -Deutoronomy 33:12

“You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” – Isaiah 26:3

What a way to infuse peace and faith thank you so much!

* Thank you to Michelle Orosa, who went to the studio to support me (and take pictures!)…and for the word you texted. I appreciate you.