My talk last February at Victory Ubelt on the topic of “Beauty Full”.

My talk last February at Victory Ubelt on the topic of “Beauty Full”

After a couple of days, I now get to use my laptop again.  Is it just me or have I really been relatively “silent” the past few weeks??

I have been feeling quite guilty the past few days, since the doctor ordered that I stay away from anything that could cause any stress or tension. She advised against homeschooling (we’re THIS close too, you know? — THIS close to finishing!); Action flicks or series are a no-no;  And personally, I haven’t had the drive to go on the net either— not even to write.

I expressed this sense of “guilt” to Dennis (nothing serious though)— how I haven’t done any housework in a long time, how I haven’t been able to homeschool, to blog….And what he said greatly reassured and encouraged me: “Yes you could be a homeschool teacher now, a housewife, or a blogger….but right now, you have to choose to just be a mother. Nothing else. That’s your priority now.” (He actually said this in English ha! hehe ) As the doctor said, the priority now is to protect this baby that’s in my womb and to try to help it thrive.

I know this sounds so basic, and it really should be something that I should’ve grasped already, but again, there are just times when you need someone to say it to you out loud. I am really not used to not doing anything and not seeing any fruit or evidence of productivity in this household as far as I’m concerned, and so….there are random moments when I am just itching to be able to move about already. But I thank God for the wisdom of my husband, who constantly reminds me that the purpose of bed rest is really to be able to REST.

I guess it’s always a good thing to be reminded of this thing called priority. Making something a priority is a choice we deliberately make. It means out of all the the many things that I can do, out of all the demands that I feel I have to do— THIS is what I choose to devote my time and efforts in.

When we look at our budget and checkbooks, what do they give away? What do we value? When we check our calendars, what do they tell of what we have chosen to take priority? When we assess how we build and keep our relationships, what do they say about what is truly important to us?

Whether we are aware of it or not, we make choices everyday as to what our priorities are. I hope we make choices, not only based on what will satisfy our current interests or fulfill our ambitions, but based on the roles we have been given— as wives, as mothers, as women of purpose.

Here is an excerpt from my talk on “Beauty Full” last February at Victory Ubelt.

I wrote this post yesterday, but I wasn’t sure if I should publish it so I just saved it and kept is as a draft.

Anyway, here it is now.

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Two hours prior to writing this, I was in the bathroom changing when I noticed that once again, I started spotting. Since we just had our second ultrasound a few days ago showing that there’s still some bleeding in my uterus, I didn’t think it was something that should cause alarm. I actually thought it’s an expected occurrence as a result of my uterus’ present condition. (Oh, BTW, results of our second ultrasound showed a heartbeat and a slight increase in the volume of the bleed).

I decided anyway to contact my OB, just to ask if this was somewhat expected, and what measures I should take. She immediately replied that I should now go on a complete bedrest, go back to taking medicine, and that if bleeding progresses, I should go straight to the DR (delivery room).

Honestly, the thought of me having to go to the DR gave an overwhelming sense of worry and fear. I started sending text messages to some of my good friends to pray for me and the baby. I specifically asked that they pray against worry and fear on my part, too, since I kind of saw it coming. I had a feeling that in a few more minutes, I was likely to start imagining what I didn’t want to imagine, and that would make me start feeling what I didn’t want to feel….which would make me do what I didn’t want to do (cry).

And the timing couldn’t be better. Everybody was out to attend church and so there was no one home but me.  Being alone meant I could cry and worry and not  have to hide it!

But I decided I didn’t want to be in fear. I didn’t want to cry and worry. I was alone, which actually meant I could pray and lay my petition before God without any interruption!

So that’s what I did– I tried to fight against worry and got myself to pray.  But truth be told, no matter how hard I tried to pray faith-filled prayers, and no matter how I tried to stop myself from crying, I couldn’t deny the fact that I knew deep down I felt some amount of worry and fear. Sure, I could always try to deny its existence, but knowing myself, I’ll eventually give unless I am able to completely lay it before God and let Him speak to me and my situation.

So there I was, trying to control the amount of tears that started to roll down my cheeks as I kept asking God to take away my fears and as I kept declaring God’s promises out loud.  Sometimes, it’s one thing to know it, it’s another thing to hear it again….and again…being spoken over your situation.

As I kept asking God to take away my fear so I can just pray in faith for this baby that’s developing in my womb, I felt that God was leading me to do only one thing: to worship Him.

And so that’s what I did. I kept singing the song “Bless the Lord” by Jon Owens. Over and over, I sang it, and the more I did, the more I was able to take my mind off my situation and began to remember God’s greatness. Finally, at one point of the song, as I sang, “In the splendor of your majesty, from deep within my spirit sings holy, holy, holy….” , I was reminded of the verse in Isaiah when he said “I see the Lord, seated on His throne, high and exalted….”

That’s it. That’s the picture of God right now– He is seated on His throne. He is not rattled or alarmed by my situation…nor by any other situation for that matter. God is seated on His throne. He is seated, He is on His throne, He is sovereign, He is in control; He sees everything, He knows everything….. and this God who is over all actually calls me His daughter. And He loves me. He has a plan for me and my family, and even for this pregnancy and this baby. This God who is over all, is faithful and He says that His plans for us are always good, pleasing, and perfect. This God who is over all already knows what will happen tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that… and He says that He is and He will be the same faithful and powerful and loving God in each of those days, just as He was– and has always been– in all of my days, even the ones where I knew I messed up.

Here’s my conclusion for today: There is no faster cure for worry and fear than to worship. When we worship, we don’t necessarily forget about the things that concern us, but knowing God now becomes our more pressing concern. When we worship, we don’t necessarily negate the reality and the weight of our fears and problems, but God’s greatness now bears more weight in our hearts and minds than our present situation. When we worship, we remember how finite and weak we are, and how limitless and powerful God is.

The Psalmist said it well— “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid…”

Thank you Lord.

PS:

I hope this song ministers to you as much as it did to me.

I witnessed a funny thing last night after church. Well, I’m not sure if  ”funny” would be the appropriate word for it, but any other adjective escapes my into-the-holiday brain right now.

While waiting for Dennis to finish preaching, I decided to go to a bookstore and browse through some books. Just then, this guy holding a palm branch (palaspas) walked in and went straight to the magazine section, grabbed a copy that was of interest to him, and then browsed through it right beside where I was. He was pretty near so I just took a glance at him, at the same time securing my bag (hehe times like these, it’s okay to be praning– in english, slightly paranoid). Unfortunately, as I turned to take a look, I also caught a glance of what kind of magazine he was holding— a very popular “men’s magazine” (I still don’t think they should call it that, though). With one hand he held a palm branch, which supposedly tells of one “welcoming” Christ the Savior, and with the other hand he held something that would tell otherwise.

A few minutes later, his friend walked up to him to tell him they had to leave. When the friend saw what his friend was looking at, he gave some “friendly” advice: “Pare naman! Kakagaling lang natin ng simbahan eh tapos yan na agad babasahin mo?!” (” *insert ‘pare’ counterpart here* We just came from church and then now, that’s what you’re reading?!”)

Wow. At least this friend was in his right mind and was about to correct Mr. Palaspas.

But then, friendly-advice friend gave an even friendlier advice: “Bukas ka na bumili nyan!” (“Buy one tomorrow instead!”)

Toink.

As funny as it sounds, sometimes we do think like Mr. Palaspas and Mr. Friendly Advice.

Just like Mr. Palaspas, it is sometimes so easy for us to go into this holy week thinking it is just a tradition we practice every year. We can go to church, fast from meat, even fill our houses with palm branches…and yet we are unwilling to let go of our old sinful habits. With one hand we say “Welcome Jesus! We celebrate you! Come into my life!“, and yet with the other hand we still do the very things that He tells us to have nothing to do with.

Or we can be like Mr. Friendly Advice, who sees holy week as just that— a week when you  try to act holy. After which, we go back to our “normal” ways…until the next “holy” week.

So what should our mindsets be as we go and celebrate this holy week? Why do we have holy week in the first place?

Well, aside from the joy that we have in being able to take time off from work, Holy Week is really about remembering Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection.

Nothing more, nothing less.

(But of course, it’s really fun to take time off from work and be with family and friends, right?? hehe…but that’s not the point so let’s go back to the real reason…)

It is because of Christ’s death on the cross that all our sins have been atoned for. It is because Christ chose to become sin for us that all our guilt have been washed away.

Jesus died and was buried according to scripture.

But it didn’t end there.

Like I said, it is about Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection– nothing more, nothing less.

On the third day, Jesus resurrected and became alive again, also according to scripture. He did not remain dead. The story did not end with Him losing power and being handed over to death. Because He was Jesus who was completely obedient to God the Father and was blameless, death itself could not hold Him down. He overcame the very thing we are all destined for because of our sin. He was victorious over sin and death—and He chose to share His victory with us! Because of His resurrection, we too, are made alive in Him. Because of His resurrection, we who were once dead to our sins are now alive in Christ. Once we were slaves to sin and our sinful nature, causing us to go on in our sinful patterns…but now we have been set free and we are able to say no to sin and therefore it doesn’t have a hold on us!

We can actually say no to sin! (Yaaay!!! )

This means that I don’t have to hold a palm branch or a Bible in one hand and with the other hand keep on sinning or doing my old ways. Jesus has given me the power to say no to that. This means that I could actually welcome Jesus willingly and completely and not let it be just  lip service because I now understand the freedom and the victorious life that He wants me to have. This means that I don’t have to put a timeline to when I can sin and when I cannot sin; I don’t have to try to act holy and on certain times only, because now I know that because of Christ’s death and resurrection I can say no to sin at all times, and I am already made holy.

I am already holy, and none— absolutely NONE of it is of any merit to me. None of my holiness is up to me or up to how I act. My holiness is based solely on what Jesus did for me on the Cross.

I guess this is my overly-zealous way of trying to encourage you, that we don’t have to be either one of them— Mr. Palaspas or Mr. Friendly Advice— anymore. We can, at this time and always, finally leave our old life of sin and completely welcome Christ into our lives. We can enjoy not just this holy week, but we can– from this moment on, live and enjoy holy lives.

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photo: mhygzs.multiply.com