After a couple of days, I now get to use my laptop again.  Is it just me or have I really been relatively “silent” the past few weeks??

I have been feeling quite guilty the past few days, since the doctor ordered that I stay away from anything that could cause any stress or tension. She advised against homeschooling (we’re THIS close too, you know? — THIS close to finishing!); Action flicks or series are a no-no;  And personally, I haven’t had the drive to go on the net either— not even to write.

I expressed this sense of “guilt” to Dennis (nothing serious though)— how I haven’t done any housework in a long time, how I haven’t been able to homeschool, to blog….And what he said greatly reassured and encouraged me: “Yes you could be a homeschool teacher now, a housewife, or a blogger….but right now, you have to choose to just be a mother. Nothing else. That’s your priority now.” (He actually said this in English ha! hehe ) As the doctor said, the priority now is to protect this baby that’s in my womb and to try to help it thrive.

I know this sounds so basic, and it really should be something that I should’ve grasped already, but again, there are just times when you need someone to say it to you out loud. I am really not used to not doing anything and not seeing any fruit or evidence of productivity in this household as far as I’m concerned, and so….there are random moments when I am just itching to be able to move about already. But I thank God for the wisdom of my husband, who constantly reminds me that the purpose of bed rest is really to be able to REST.

I guess it’s always a good thing to be reminded of this thing called priority. Making something a priority is a choice we deliberately make. It means out of all the the many things that I can do, out of all the demands that I feel I have to do— THIS is what I choose to devote my time and efforts in.

When we look at our budget and checkbooks, what do they give away? What do we value? When we check our calendars, what do they tell of what we have chosen to take priority? When we assess how we build and keep our relationships, what do they say about what is truly important to us?

Whether we are aware of it or not, we make choices everyday as to what our priorities are. I hope we make choices, not only based on what will satisfy our current interests or fulfill our ambitions, but based on the roles we have been given— as wives, as mothers, as women of purpose.

Here’s a list of things that made my day today: (in order of “happening”)

1. Alyanna told me she looked for me the moment she woke up because I’m “special” to her.

2. I was reminded again of how much God loves us and how merciful He is as I read my Bible.

3. Mika kept asking me to hug her.

4. Alyanna asked me to increase our homeschool time. To be more specific, she said, “Mom, how come our study time is so short na here at home? I want you to give me more work to do for school.” (In short, nagpaka-nerd siya! hehehe)

5. Dennis volunteered to do his sermon preparation where I would be staying while waiting for the kids because he didn’t want me to drive in the rain. (This one really got me so kilig earlier! heehee!)

6. I spent the afternoon reading a good book while Dennis was in front of me the whole time finishing all three of his preachings for the week. (In case you didn’t know, my number one love language is time)

7. I had really yummy chocolate-filled coffee buns—two— with good coffee. (I think this made my day until I realized the calorie content, but oh well… )

8. We went on a family date night.

9. I enjoyed a very tasty and nutty  pesto pasta with really soft, buttery, and garlicky bread….oh, with barbecue sauce smothered all over fried chicken.

10. I finally bought something I’ve been praying for, for three years already!

As I finish typing this list, I could actually imagine you yawning and asking, “Is that it?” or “Where’s the ‘happening’ you mentioned earlier??”. It’s okay, I won’t take it against you.

….Come to think of it, today has been one of the “relatively-steady-and-relaxed” days for me. I chose not to think about (or do) any housework or ministry-related duties that had to be done— which I know would never get done anyway.

But you know what? Even if this was any other day that was full of events and work and stuff— I probably would still be listing down the same things here.  :)

Thank you Lord for allowing us to enjoy the wonderful blessing of family. Thank you for the gift of marriage. Thank you for the joy of being with our children. Thank you for allowing us to enjoy ever day with you. Thank you that things don’t have to be grand in order for us to enjoy them. Thank you. Thank you.

What about you?

What made your day today?

Have you expressed your gratitude, yet?

PS: I told you I really didn’t think of anything work-related today….not even anything blog-related (well, except for now)— I didn’t even bother taking any pictures!

Yesterday, I shared with you some of my notes from a seminar I attended (Raising Money Smart Kids). Today I would like to share one more thing that encouraged me as I sat through the seminar. More than the practical tips and financial advice I got, what I actually appreciated more was the fact that the whole family was involved in the event. As you sit there and listen, you would know what their family stood for. Of course, saving and making money grow were obvious interests that ran from the parents to the children, but more than financial values, you could tell that the Faustos stood for family— that family was a priority. I appreciated the fact that they not only brought their children with them to listen, and perhaps offer moral support, but all three children were actually present to also contribute their ideas on the topic.

Their eldest son, Martin.

Their second son, Enrique.

The youngest Fausto– Anton.

(I just edited and added this. Thank you Rose, for sending me a photo!:)) 

Eep! I can’t believe I wasn’t able to take a picture of their youngest son! ….But this is a cute picture of the couple, don’t you think?

I seldom see this nowadays, and so it quite refreshing and encouraging. I wish to see more parents and children involved in each other’s lives (in a positive way)— even beyond their teenage years. I hope to see more of the next generation rise up as a response to the mentoring and discipleship that occur in their homes. I am believing for more children who will grow up to embrace the values that their parents would teach them.

Of course, I also pray for the parents, that we will be the first ones who will lovingly guide and shepherd our children’s hearts. I pray that we will not need to shove our values down their throats, but that as we live our lives with integrity, they would want to embrace our faith and values as well. I pray that the things we love and believe in, would be a family affair— in agreement with our spouse, and owned by our children.

Sometime last year, I wrote about desires and expectations. I could summarize it here for you, or you could just click here and read it for yourself.

This post will again be about expectations in our marriages.

Talking about expectations is a tricky thing. On one hand, we should be careful not to allow our desires to become expectations such that we might end up resenting our spouses for not fulfilling them, or we might become unappreciative of them when they do. We don’t want to have an “after all” attittude, wherein our natural response to our spouses’ acts of service and affection would be “you are my spouse, after all“. No. We don’t want that. We want to maintain a joyful attitude in our marriages— always hopeful for the best and at the same time grateful for what already is.

Oh, I used the intro “on one hand”. Then there must be another hand right?  hehe ….Yes, on one hand we do not want that, but on the other hand, we do enter into marriage with a certain set of expectations that would actually serve as a benchmark for us, as to how we want our marriages to be. Let’s call these “foundational expectations”. These are things that are worth fighting for in our marriages. These are the areas that are okay for us to sit down  and discuss with our spouses. These are the the ones we constantly go back to and evaluate to see whether they are getting fulfilled or not. These are areas that, when overlooked and left unfulfilled, actually have the capacity to eventually ruin your marriage.

For me, these are some of the areas that fall under this category (in no particular order):

1. Communication

2. Service

3. Romance

4. Faithfulness

5. Respect

As you can see, we dubbed “foundational expectations” as such because when we remind our spouses of these things (read: with appropriate tone of voice and timing, NOT in any way synonymous with nagging), we are actually doing our marriages— ourselves AND our spouses a favor. We are actually communicating that I care enough about our marriage to have to go through the trouble of asking you to sit down with me, process this together, and ensure that these get fulfilled. It is not just about getting our desires and preferences and what would make us happy, but more importantly— what would make both you AND your spouse happy, and your relationship richer.

I must end this post on expectations with this though: Just because we say that these expectations are foundational to our marriage doesn’t give us the right to disrespect our husbands (or wives, if it so happens that you’re a man reading this ), or to be unloving towards them. I am sure that many of us do have unfulfilled expectations. What then? Do we gripe? Do we start to resent? Do we give up and not care anymore?

No.

Here’s another foundational expectation that I left out earlier: unconditional love.

The vows we made when we entered marriage were all made with this premise— that we are to love our husbands/wives unconditionally. This means we are to love them even if they still haven’t fulfilled our expectations. This means that we acknowledge and remind ourselves that “my husband/wife is a work in progress, just as I too, am a work in progress.”

Yes, we fight for our expectations to come to pass. This does not mean we fight with our spouses. Yes, we communicate and express our expectations to our partners. This does not mean we nag them to death. Yes, we will not rest until we can ensure that these expectations are met. This does not mean we remain resentful until then.

Instead, as we hope and wait, we trust that God is at work in our spouse’s heart, just as we trust that God is also at work in our hearts.

——————————-

photo: taken by our friend Bleau, during our friends’ (Bu and Lyka) wedding.

For the past month, God has been stretching my faith. He has been placing me in situations that would leave me with no choice but to trust in Him. This past month, He has magnified for me how helpless I am without Him, and at the same time how much I can accomplish through Him and in Him.

Allow me to share something that has encouraged me today. I hope that you and some people you know can get encouraged by this, too!

Oh, let me first give you a brief summary of this whole thing, just to give you a context of what I’m talking about….

The text of this story is found in Matthew 14. This was the time when Jesus already went about preaching and ministering to many people.  In one particular instance after Jesus ministered to the crowds, the disciples were put in a dilemma on what to do with them. It was approaching night time and the crowds (thousands of them!) were getting hungry. Some disciples suggested that they just dismiss them and send all the people home, so they can get food for themselves in the villages. Buying food for all of them was clearly out of the question since that would mean that the disciples will have to shell out so much money. Then…they spotted a boy with five SMALL barley loaves and two SMALL fish. But how can that help them, right? Obviously, the small bread and small fish were just enough to feed the small boy. It didn’t make any sense, but one of them still took the chance. They were in the presence of no less than Jesus, after all.

I’ll just copy-paste the next few verses to let it tell you the rest of the story…

Matthew 14:17-21

 ¹⁷ “We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they (the disciples) answered. ¹⁸ “Bring them here to me,” he (Jesus) said. ¹⁹ And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. ²⁰ They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. ²¹ The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children.”

To summarize this further:

The boy and the disciples said, “This is all the food we have. We only have this small bread and small fish to offer.”

Jesus took what they had to offer Him anyway.

Jesus blessed the bread and fish and distributed them.

The small bread and small fish multiplied.

Everyone ate and were all fully satisfied.

The disciples had so much left over to pick up after.

The same is true with us.

We say, “This is all that I have. This is the only thing that I know. I only have this small thing to offer you.”

Jesus responds by taking what we offer Him anyway— no matter how small and seemingly insignificant.

Jesus chooses to bless whatever it is we offer Him and uses it to bless others.

Our efforts and gifts multiply.

Everyone gets a taste of our gift, gets blessed, and gets fully satisfied.

We find ourselves having to pick up so much that are left over.

The blessings overflow.

We can keep on giving and giving and blessing and blessing because there is so much that God leaves for us.

Amazing, isn’t it???

You can be a stay-at-home mom like me, or a working mom…you can be a wife, a single woman, or a student. Everyday we are faced with a dilemma on what to do with the people God surrounds us with or the circumstances we find ourselves in. Everyday we have a choice to just step back and relax and let the opportunity to be a blessing pass.

“Just send them home. I have nothing to offer them.”

“It’s too costly to involve myself in this.”

“I only have enough for myself.”

Everyday too, we have a privilege to offer whatever it is that we have in our hands and allow God to multiply it and bless hundreds– or even thousands. What we think is enough only to feed a small boy will in fact be more than enough to feed thousands. It all depends on whose hands it is in.

A rod in my hands might be able to keep stray dogs away. A rod in Moses’ hands parted the mighty sea.

A sling shot in my hands is a kid’s toy. A sling shot in David’s hand became a mighty weapon. 

Two fish and five loaves of bread in my hands are a couple of tuna sandwiches. Two fish and five loaves of bread in God’s hands fed thousands.

Nails in my hands might produce a place on the wall where I can hang my kids’ framed paintings. Nails in Jesus Christ’s hands produced salvation for the entire world.

It all depends on whose hands it is in. 

I choose today— and everyday— to offer whatever small and insignificant thing I have in my hands to God. And every day I shall wait and see how He will bless it and multiply it to bless the lives of thousands. And every day I shall see how much left over I would have to pick up after.

I met up with some other wives and moms this morning and each one just talked about their love story. It’s still February, so I guess you can still say that we did this as part of the celebration of the love month. Anyway, listening to these women tell their love stories was so amusing because you can see their eyes begin to sparkle, and their faces begin to glow as their smiles get wider and wider from the wonderful memories.

These were some of the things I was reminded of as we listened and laughed at our stories:

1. I should pray that we would never lose that sparkle and glow when it comes to our marriages and each time we talk about our marriages.

2. Though memories of the past are good things to hold on to, we should not just live on the glory of those past memories. Each day is an opportunity to create new ones.

3. We should try to always remember the things that attracted us to our spouses in the first place. As we become more and more familiar with each other, it becomes easier and easier to just notice the things that fall short of our standards or that irritate us. What it this way when we were still in courtship?

4. So much of what attracted me to my husband wasn’t just the physical traits, but more of how his heart was more passionate for God  more than anything else. This is a good thing, because physical attraction would never be enough to sustain a marriage. Sooner or later, all the physical traits that attracted us to our spouses will change and fade away; what will remain and improve as time goes by is his heart for God, and his character that gets developed as he grows in his relationship with God. I have to pray that  my husband’s heart will always be passionate for God above all.

5. Our love story doesn’t end once we say our “I do’s” at the altar. We have to be deliberate in building on our love story until death do us part.