I wrote this post yesterday, but I wasn’t sure if I should publish it so I just saved it and kept is as a draft.

Anyway, here it is now.

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Two hours prior to writing this, I was in the bathroom changing when I noticed that once again, I started spotting. Since we just had our second ultrasound a few days ago showing that there’s still some bleeding in my uterus, I didn’t think it was something that should cause alarm. I actually thought it’s an expected occurrence as a result of my uterus’ present condition. (Oh, BTW, results of our second ultrasound showed a heartbeat and a slight increase in the volume of the bleed).

I decided anyway to contact my OB, just to ask if this was somewhat expected, and what measures I should take. She immediately replied that I should now go on a complete bedrest, go back to taking medicine, and that if bleeding progresses, I should go straight to the DR (delivery room).

Honestly, the thought of me having to go to the DR gave an overwhelming sense of worry and fear. I started sending text messages to some of my good friends to pray for me and the baby. I specifically asked that they pray against worry and fear on my part, too, since I kind of saw it coming. I had a feeling that in a few more minutes, I was likely to start imagining what I didn’t want to imagine, and that would make me start feeling what I didn’t want to feel….which would make me do what I didn’t want to do (cry).

And the timing couldn’t be better. Everybody was out to attend church and so there was no one home but me.  Being alone meant I could cry and worry and not  have to hide it!

But I decided I didn’t want to be in fear. I didn’t want to cry and worry. I was alone, which actually meant I could pray and lay my petition before God without any interruption!

So that’s what I did– I tried to fight against worry and got myself to pray.  But truth be told, no matter how hard I tried to pray faith-filled prayers, and no matter how I tried to stop myself from crying, I couldn’t deny the fact that I knew deep down I felt some amount of worry and fear. Sure, I could always try to deny its existence, but knowing myself, I’ll eventually give unless I am able to completely lay it before God and let Him speak to me and my situation.

So there I was, trying to control the amount of tears that started to roll down my cheeks as I kept asking God to take away my fears and as I kept declaring God’s promises out loud.  Sometimes, it’s one thing to know it, it’s another thing to hear it again….and again…being spoken over your situation.

As I kept asking God to take away my fear so I can just pray in faith for this baby that’s developing in my womb, I felt that God was leading me to do only one thing: to worship Him.

And so that’s what I did. I kept singing the song “Bless the Lord” by Jon Owens. Over and over, I sang it, and the more I did, the more I was able to take my mind off my situation and began to remember God’s greatness. Finally, at one point of the song, as I sang, “In the splendor of your majesty, from deep within my spirit sings holy, holy, holy….” , I was reminded of the verse in Isaiah when he said “I see the Lord, seated on His throne, high and exalted….”

That’s it. That’s the picture of God right now– He is seated on His throne. He is not rattled or alarmed by my situation…nor by any other situation for that matter. God is seated on His throne. He is seated, He is on His throne, He is sovereign, He is in control; He sees everything, He knows everything….. and this God who is over all actually calls me His daughter. And He loves me. He has a plan for me and my family, and even for this pregnancy and this baby. This God who is over all, is faithful and He says that His plans for us are always good, pleasing, and perfect. This God who is over all already knows what will happen tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that… and He says that He is and He will be the same faithful and powerful and loving God in each of those days, just as He was– and has always been– in all of my days, even the ones where I knew I messed up.

Here’s my conclusion for today: There is no faster cure for worry and fear than to worship. When we worship, we don’t necessarily forget about the things that concern us, but knowing God now becomes our more pressing concern. When we worship, we don’t necessarily negate the reality and the weight of our fears and problems, but God’s greatness now bears more weight in our hearts and minds than our present situation. When we worship, we remember how finite and weak we are, and how limitless and powerful God is.

The Psalmist said it well— “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid…”

Thank you Lord.

PS:

I hope this song ministers to you as much as it did to me.

“I got it from her, then she grabbed it from me!”, stated one of the Sy sisters.

Do you notice the craftiness of this statement?

Sister A was playing with something then sister B simply “got” it (of course, sister B is the narrator, therefore the good girl, in the story here). She didn’t take it by force, she didn’t grab it, she just….”got” it. It was okay for her to get it.  Getting something doesn’t sound so aggressive or rude.

But what came next was so wrong— sister A “grabbed” it back! Oh that was wrong! It was rude, it was selfish and it was disrespectful! Sister A needs to be dealt with!

Oh so crafty….

It’s amazing how young children are already so capable of playing with words and using them in such a way that they can water down their own sin and highlight that of their “adversary”.

Of course Dennis and I didn’t buy this one bit. Sister B had to know that she wasn’t just “getting” something. She, too, was grabbing. More importantly, she had to know that she does not have the liberty to change the label of her sin just to make it sound more acceptable.

Isn’t this our default response in general though? When we sin, the natural response of our flesh is to change the label of our sin to make it seem more palatable. It is much easier to confess our sin once we have tweaked it a bit and made it sound less sinful and selfish. In a world where being politically correct is a must, we have gotten used to choosing our words and making them work for our advantage. It’s really no wonder why more and more of our children are growing up not knowing the weight of sin, or that sin is sin. More children grow up thinking that sin is relative, and the consequence of their sin is relative too. The consequence of their sin is now highly dependent on how well they “repackage” it.

As parents, we are to see beyond actions and hear beyond words. We are to look into the hearts of our children. We are to see beyond the packaging and know what is really inside.

More than that, it is also our responsibility to expose sin for what it really is— ugly, messy, harmful. It is our responsibility to show our children that there’s no way around sin— there’s no way to package it or water it down; there’s no way to minimize its consequences either. Sin is sin and that is that. Sin is ugly. And our sin simply exposes our hearts and the ugliness of our flesh.

Finally, when they see sin for what it is, it is our role to show our children the grace and love of God. When they finally learn that there’s no way they can sugar coat or relabel sin to make it any less sinful, we have to be ready to point them to Christ, who already took away all our sin, therefore allowing us to do away with the need to repackage. We have to be ready to make them understand that because of Christ, we have already been justified, freeing us from the need to having to justify ourselves and our actions. We want to make sure that we show them that because of Christ, we have a new identity—a new label, so now we can stop looking for “better” labels for our sin…because now our sins do not define us any more. Only Christ’s work on the Cross does.

I hope my children will understand this— that they are free to confess their sins for what they really are, because God already made the promise that “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from ALL (our) unrighteousness”.

Went for our first check-up today. I had some spotting last night so the doctor advised that I go to her first thing today. As it turns out, I do have some bleeding inside my uterus. She said that this probably means that my body is still trying to fight against the new “foreign body” that’s living in my womb, in an effort to protect me. I would have to wait it out and be on bed rest for the time being, until my next scheduled check-up next week.

That long strip on the left side (our view) is the bleed..hehe sorry I don’t know how to edit photos (shame!) 

For the meantime, I shall continue to declare that God’s hand is upon me and my womb, and that even at this moment, He is carefully crafting and putting together every cell — fearfully and wonderfully.

I praise God that with or without this bleeding, He is still God, He is very good, He is all powerful, and He is ever faithful!  

I witnessed a funny thing last night after church. Well, I’m not sure if  ”funny” would be the appropriate word for it, but any other adjective escapes my into-the-holiday brain right now.

While waiting for Dennis to finish preaching, I decided to go to a bookstore and browse through some books. Just then, this guy holding a palm branch (palaspas) walked in and went straight to the magazine section, grabbed a copy that was of interest to him, and then browsed through it right beside where I was. He was pretty near so I just took a glance at him, at the same time securing my bag (hehe times like these, it’s okay to be praning– in english, slightly paranoid). Unfortunately, as I turned to take a look, I also caught a glance of what kind of magazine he was holding— a very popular “men’s magazine” (I still don’t think they should call it that, though). With one hand he held a palm branch, which supposedly tells of one “welcoming” Christ the Savior, and with the other hand he held something that would tell otherwise.

A few minutes later, his friend walked up to him to tell him they had to leave. When the friend saw what his friend was looking at, he gave some “friendly” advice: “Pare naman! Kakagaling lang natin ng simbahan eh tapos yan na agad babasahin mo?!” (” *insert ‘pare’ counterpart here* We just came from church and then now, that’s what you’re reading?!”)

Wow. At least this friend was in his right mind and was about to correct Mr. Palaspas.

But then, friendly-advice friend gave an even friendlier advice: “Bukas ka na bumili nyan!” (“Buy one tomorrow instead!”)

Toink.

As funny as it sounds, sometimes we do think like Mr. Palaspas and Mr. Friendly Advice.

Just like Mr. Palaspas, it is sometimes so easy for us to go into this holy week thinking it is just a tradition we practice every year. We can go to church, fast from meat, even fill our houses with palm branches…and yet we are unwilling to let go of our old sinful habits. With one hand we say “Welcome Jesus! We celebrate you! Come into my life!“, and yet with the other hand we still do the very things that He tells us to have nothing to do with.

Or we can be like Mr. Friendly Advice, who sees holy week as just that— a week when you  try to act holy. After which, we go back to our “normal” ways…until the next “holy” week.

So what should our mindsets be as we go and celebrate this holy week? Why do we have holy week in the first place?

Well, aside from the joy that we have in being able to take time off from work, Holy Week is really about remembering Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection.

Nothing more, nothing less.

(But of course, it’s really fun to take time off from work and be with family and friends, right?? hehe…but that’s not the point so let’s go back to the real reason…)

It is because of Christ’s death on the cross that all our sins have been atoned for. It is because Christ chose to become sin for us that all our guilt have been washed away.

Jesus died and was buried according to scripture.

But it didn’t end there.

Like I said, it is about Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection– nothing more, nothing less.

On the third day, Jesus resurrected and became alive again, also according to scripture. He did not remain dead. The story did not end with Him losing power and being handed over to death. Because He was Jesus who was completely obedient to God the Father and was blameless, death itself could not hold Him down. He overcame the very thing we are all destined for because of our sin. He was victorious over sin and death—and He chose to share His victory with us! Because of His resurrection, we too, are made alive in Him. Because of His resurrection, we who were once dead to our sins are now alive in Christ. Once we were slaves to sin and our sinful nature, causing us to go on in our sinful patterns…but now we have been set free and we are able to say no to sin and therefore it doesn’t have a hold on us!

We can actually say no to sin! (Yaaay!!! )

This means that I don’t have to hold a palm branch or a Bible in one hand and with the other hand keep on sinning or doing my old ways. Jesus has given me the power to say no to that. This means that I could actually welcome Jesus willingly and completely and not let it be just  lip service because I now understand the freedom and the victorious life that He wants me to have. This means that I don’t have to put a timeline to when I can sin and when I cannot sin; I don’t have to try to act holy and on certain times only, because now I know that because of Christ’s death and resurrection I can say no to sin at all times, and I am already made holy.

I am already holy, and none— absolutely NONE of it is of any merit to me. None of my holiness is up to me or up to how I act. My holiness is based solely on what Jesus did for me on the Cross.

I guess this is my overly-zealous way of trying to encourage you, that we don’t have to be either one of them— Mr. Palaspas or Mr. Friendly Advice— anymore. We can, at this time and always, finally leave our old life of sin and completely welcome Christ into our lives. We can enjoy not just this holy week, but we can– from this moment on, live and enjoy holy lives.

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photo: mhygzs.multiply.com

Here’s a list of things that made my day today: (in order of “happening”)

1. Alyanna told me she looked for me the moment she woke up because I’m “special” to her.

2. I was reminded again of how much God loves us and how merciful He is as I read my Bible.

3. Mika kept asking me to hug her.

4. Alyanna asked me to increase our homeschool time. To be more specific, she said, “Mom, how come our study time is so short na here at home? I want you to give me more work to do for school.” (In short, nagpaka-nerd siya! hehehe)

5. Dennis volunteered to do his sermon preparation where I would be staying while waiting for the kids because he didn’t want me to drive in the rain. (This one really got me so kilig earlier! heehee!)

6. I spent the afternoon reading a good book while Dennis was in front of me the whole time finishing all three of his preachings for the week. (In case you didn’t know, my number one love language is time)

7. I had really yummy chocolate-filled coffee buns—two— with good coffee. (I think this made my day until I realized the calorie content, but oh well… )

8. We went on a family date night.

9. I enjoyed a very tasty and nutty  pesto pasta with really soft, buttery, and garlicky bread….oh, with barbecue sauce smothered all over fried chicken.

10. I finally bought something I’ve been praying for, for three years already!

As I finish typing this list, I could actually imagine you yawning and asking, “Is that it?” or “Where’s the ‘happening’ you mentioned earlier??”. It’s okay, I won’t take it against you.

….Come to think of it, today has been one of the “relatively-steady-and-relaxed” days for me. I chose not to think about (or do) any housework or ministry-related duties that had to be done— which I know would never get done anyway.

But you know what? Even if this was any other day that was full of events and work and stuff— I probably would still be listing down the same things here.  :)

Thank you Lord for allowing us to enjoy the wonderful blessing of family. Thank you for the gift of marriage. Thank you for the joy of being with our children. Thank you for allowing us to enjoy ever day with you. Thank you that things don’t have to be grand in order for us to enjoy them. Thank you. Thank you.

What about you?

What made your day today?

Have you expressed your gratitude, yet?

PS: I told you I really didn’t think of anything work-related today….not even anything blog-related (well, except for now)— I didn’t even bother taking any pictures!

Taught in Victory Weekend earlier today. If you have been following my blog for quite some time now, you might have noticed that I get to mention this from time to time. I really wish I could stop talking about it already, but honestly it’s just something that has been so life-changing for me that each time I sit and listen I still learn something new and I still get excited. I am even more ecstatic for the participants!

Latest batch of VW participants

Today was no different. I was once again stirred up in my faith and grateful for who I now am in Christ. I prayed this for myself, and then for the other women, and now for you too– that we will always remember who we are in Christ. We are loved. We are accepted. We are secure. We are significant. We are forgiven. We are redeemed. All that— only in CHRIST.

Oh, how rude of me! If you have no idea what I am talking about, Victory Weekend is just a tool we have in church that helps us deepen our relationship with God. This two-day retreat focuses on establishing strong spiritual foundations that enable us to live a life of freedom and fruitfulness.