My talk last February on Beauty Full. Here is an excerpt on how sin destroys beauty

(Oops….Forgot to press “publish” yesterday! heehee)

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Today was going to be a very crucial day for me, mainly with regards to my health. I’ve had tests done the previous week to rule out any serious autoimmune disorders that could have possibly caused the subchorionic hemorrhage and its progressive increase in volume last week. (This explains why I haven’t been so “talkative” here. My doctor ordered a complete bed rest, though thankfully, still with bathroom privileges.)

Today was going to be the moment of truth.

The first thing that came to mind when I woke up was “This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.” I didn’t know exactly what it was that God was trying to imply by reminding me of that verse, but nevertheless, I made a decision to do just that and prayed a short prayer. “No matter what report I get today, Lord. I will rejoice in YOU. This is the day that you have made, and I will rejoice. I am already grateful for the life that you’ve given me and this baby.”

Of course, I was believing for good news, and for no more delay in my healing. I know that this baby has a great future and destiny. I was not going to take whatever opposition to that sitting down. I knew that God was going to heal me and help this baby thrive. It was never a question of “if”, but admittedly, I wasn’t sure about the when. I’ve asked God for instantaneous healing the past visits to the doctor, but that’s not the way He chose to work. He chose to allow me to go through more tests and medication and rest, instead.

Anyway, the moment of truth. (Eto na talaga, kanina hindi pa. hehe)

I am excited to announce that the ultrasound showed no more trace of hemorrhage or bleeding, and all the other lab tests came out negative!! I have no APAS. I have no SLE (lupus). I am healthy, and my body is finally responding well to this pregnancy! What’s more, I saw baby’s teeny-tiny limbs moving and kicking! What joy!

There’s just one thing I can say in response to this —   Your love, Lord? ………………it’s overwhelming. 

Overwhelming.

Overwhelming.

Overwhelming.

YOU, Lord …………….. You’re overwhelming. 

Thank you. 

I am at a loss for words, but that’s okay I guess, because you see my heart. 

In all things, I want to see you and know you more…….. I want to see and know your overwhelming glory more.

God is good and God does good.  :)  He is still the God who heals; the God who gives good gifts to His children; the God who is almighty, all-powerful, and all-knowing….He is our God— our Father, who takes care of us.

PS:

I would like to take this time to thank all my friends who have been praying for me, sending me messages to encourage me, asking how I am, sending me food, asking to visit…. I am truly, truly grateful for wonderful friends that God has blessed me with. You all have been a blessing to our family. Your support and prayers have encouraged and blessed us in ways more than words can express. Thank you, thank you, thank you….

Here is an excerpt from my talk on “Beauty Full” last February at Victory Ubelt.

I wrote this post yesterday, but I wasn’t sure if I should publish it so I just saved it and kept is as a draft.

Anyway, here it is now.

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Two hours prior to writing this, I was in the bathroom changing when I noticed that once again, I started spotting. Since we just had our second ultrasound a few days ago showing that there’s still some bleeding in my uterus, I didn’t think it was something that should cause alarm. I actually thought it’s an expected occurrence as a result of my uterus’ present condition. (Oh, BTW, results of our second ultrasound showed a heartbeat and a slight increase in the volume of the bleed).

I decided anyway to contact my OB, just to ask if this was somewhat expected, and what measures I should take. She immediately replied that I should now go on a complete bedrest, go back to taking medicine, and that if bleeding progresses, I should go straight to the DR (delivery room).

Honestly, the thought of me having to go to the DR gave an overwhelming sense of worry and fear. I started sending text messages to some of my good friends to pray for me and the baby. I specifically asked that they pray against worry and fear on my part, too, since I kind of saw it coming. I had a feeling that in a few more minutes, I was likely to start imagining what I didn’t want to imagine, and that would make me start feeling what I didn’t want to feel….which would make me do what I didn’t want to do (cry).

And the timing couldn’t be better. Everybody was out to attend church and so there was no one home but me.  Being alone meant I could cry and worry and not  have to hide it!

But I decided I didn’t want to be in fear. I didn’t want to cry and worry. I was alone, which actually meant I could pray and lay my petition before God without any interruption!

So that’s what I did– I tried to fight against worry and got myself to pray.  But truth be told, no matter how hard I tried to pray faith-filled prayers, and no matter how I tried to stop myself from crying, I couldn’t deny the fact that I knew deep down I felt some amount of worry and fear. Sure, I could always try to deny its existence, but knowing myself, I’ll eventually give unless I am able to completely lay it before God and let Him speak to me and my situation.

So there I was, trying to control the amount of tears that started to roll down my cheeks as I kept asking God to take away my fears and as I kept declaring God’s promises out loud.  Sometimes, it’s one thing to know it, it’s another thing to hear it again….and again…being spoken over your situation.

As I kept asking God to take away my fear so I can just pray in faith for this baby that’s developing in my womb, I felt that God was leading me to do only one thing: to worship Him.

And so that’s what I did. I kept singing the song “Bless the Lord” by Jon Owens. Over and over, I sang it, and the more I did, the more I was able to take my mind off my situation and began to remember God’s greatness. Finally, at one point of the song, as I sang, “In the splendor of your majesty, from deep within my spirit sings holy, holy, holy….” , I was reminded of the verse in Isaiah when he said “I see the Lord, seated on His throne, high and exalted….”

That’s it. That’s the picture of God right now– He is seated on His throne. He is not rattled or alarmed by my situation…nor by any other situation for that matter. God is seated on His throne. He is seated, He is on His throne, He is sovereign, He is in control; He sees everything, He knows everything….. and this God who is over all actually calls me His daughter. And He loves me. He has a plan for me and my family, and even for this pregnancy and this baby. This God who is over all, is faithful and He says that His plans for us are always good, pleasing, and perfect. This God who is over all already knows what will happen tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that… and He says that He is and He will be the same faithful and powerful and loving God in each of those days, just as He was– and has always been– in all of my days, even the ones where I knew I messed up.

Here’s my conclusion for today: There is no faster cure for worry and fear than to worship. When we worship, we don’t necessarily forget about the things that concern us, but knowing God now becomes our more pressing concern. When we worship, we don’t necessarily negate the reality and the weight of our fears and problems, but God’s greatness now bears more weight in our hearts and minds than our present situation. When we worship, we remember how finite and weak we are, and how limitless and powerful God is.

The Psalmist said it well— “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid…”

Thank you Lord.

PS:

I hope this song ministers to you as much as it did to me.

“I got it from her, then she grabbed it from me!”, stated one of the Sy sisters.

Do you notice the craftiness of this statement?

Sister A was playing with something then sister B simply “got” it (of course, sister B is the narrator, therefore the good girl, in the story here). She didn’t take it by force, she didn’t grab it, she just….”got” it. It was okay for her to get it.  Getting something doesn’t sound so aggressive or rude.

But what came next was so wrong— sister A “grabbed” it back! Oh that was wrong! It was rude, it was selfish and it was disrespectful! Sister A needs to be dealt with!

Oh so crafty….

It’s amazing how young children are already so capable of playing with words and using them in such a way that they can water down their own sin and highlight that of their “adversary”.

Of course Dennis and I didn’t buy this one bit. Sister B had to know that she wasn’t just “getting” something. She, too, was grabbing. More importantly, she had to know that she does not have the liberty to change the label of her sin just to make it sound more acceptable.

Isn’t this our default response in general though? When we sin, the natural response of our flesh is to change the label of our sin to make it seem more palatable. It is much easier to confess our sin once we have tweaked it a bit and made it sound less sinful and selfish. In a world where being politically correct is a must, we have gotten used to choosing our words and making them work for our advantage. It’s really no wonder why more and more of our children are growing up not knowing the weight of sin, or that sin is sin. More children grow up thinking that sin is relative, and the consequence of their sin is relative too. The consequence of their sin is now highly dependent on how well they “repackage” it.

As parents, we are to see beyond actions and hear beyond words. We are to look into the hearts of our children. We are to see beyond the packaging and know what is really inside.

More than that, it is also our responsibility to expose sin for what it really is— ugly, messy, harmful. It is our responsibility to show our children that there’s no way around sin— there’s no way to package it or water it down; there’s no way to minimize its consequences either. Sin is sin and that is that. Sin is ugly. And our sin simply exposes our hearts and the ugliness of our flesh.

Finally, when they see sin for what it is, it is our role to show our children the grace and love of God. When they finally learn that there’s no way they can sugar coat or relabel sin to make it any less sinful, we have to be ready to point them to Christ, who already took away all our sin, therefore allowing us to do away with the need to repackage. We have to be ready to make them understand that because of Christ, we have already been justified, freeing us from the need to having to justify ourselves and our actions. We want to make sure that we show them that because of Christ, we have a new identity—a new label, so now we can stop looking for “better” labels for our sin…because now our sins do not define us any more. Only Christ’s work on the Cross does.

I hope my children will understand this— that they are free to confess their sins for what they really are, because God already made the promise that “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from ALL (our) unrighteousness”.

Went for our first check-up today. I had some spotting last night so the doctor advised that I go to her first thing today. As it turns out, I do have some bleeding inside my uterus. She said that this probably means that my body is still trying to fight against the new “foreign body” that’s living in my womb, in an effort to protect me. I would have to wait it out and be on bed rest for the time being, until my next scheduled check-up next week.

That long strip on the left side (our view) is the bleed..hehe sorry I don’t know how to edit photos (shame!) 

For the meantime, I shall continue to declare that God’s hand is upon me and my womb, and that even at this moment, He is carefully crafting and putting together every cell — fearfully and wonderfully.

I praise God that with or without this bleeding, He is still God, He is very good, He is all powerful, and He is ever faithful!