“I got it from her, then she grabbed it from me!”, stated one of the Sy sisters.

Do you notice the craftiness of this statement?

Sister A was playing with something then sister B simply “got” it (of course, sister B is the narrator, therefore the good girl, in the story here). She didn’t take it by force, she didn’t grab it, she just….”got” it. It was okay for her to get it.  Getting something doesn’t sound so aggressive or rude.

But what came next was so wrong— sister A “grabbed” it back! Oh that was wrong! It was rude, it was selfish and it was disrespectful! Sister A needs to be dealt with!

Oh so crafty….

It’s amazing how young children are already so capable of playing with words and using them in such a way that they can water down their own sin and highlight that of their “adversary”.

Of course Dennis and I didn’t buy this one bit. Sister B had to know that she wasn’t just “getting” something. She, too, was grabbing. More importantly, she had to know that she does not have the liberty to change the label of her sin just to make it sound more acceptable.

Isn’t this our default response in general though? When we sin, the natural response of our flesh is to change the label of our sin to make it seem more palatable. It is much easier to confess our sin once we have tweaked it a bit and made it sound less sinful and selfish. In a world where being politically correct is a must, we have gotten used to choosing our words and making them work for our advantage. It’s really no wonder why more and more of our children are growing up not knowing the weight of sin, or that sin is sin. More children grow up thinking that sin is relative, and the consequence of their sin is relative too. The consequence of their sin is now highly dependent on how well they “repackage” it.

As parents, we are to see beyond actions and hear beyond words. We are to look into the hearts of our children. We are to see beyond the packaging and know what is really inside.

More than that, it is also our responsibility to expose sin for what it really is— ugly, messy, harmful. It is our responsibility to show our children that there’s no way around sin— there’s no way to package it or water it down; there’s no way to minimize its consequences either. Sin is sin and that is that. Sin is ugly. And our sin simply exposes our hearts and the ugliness of our flesh.

Finally, when they see sin for what it is, it is our role to show our children the grace and love of God. When they finally learn that there’s no way they can sugar coat or relabel sin to make it any less sinful, we have to be ready to point them to Christ, who already took away all our sin, therefore allowing us to do away with the need to repackage. We have to be ready to make them understand that because of Christ, we have already been justified, freeing us from the need to having to justify ourselves and our actions. We want to make sure that we show them that because of Christ, we have a new identity—a new label, so now we can stop looking for “better” labels for our sin…because now our sins do not define us any more. Only Christ’s work on the Cross does.

I hope my children will understand this— that they are free to confess their sins for what they really are, because God already made the promise that “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from ALL (our) unrighteousness”.

I seldom see Dennis over-react to something. He’s not like me who SOMETIMES just wants to exaggerate every emotion and reaction. Hehe…. God, in His sovereignty, knew that he had to create a Dennis who is stable in his emotions, to give to a Thammie who is….well, a woman.

What I witnessed earlier, however, was something quite out of the ordinary. Upon waking up, Mika rushed over to us to tell us about something very exciting. One could tell how excited she was to share what she had to share from her smile, her eyes, her tone of voice….well, just about everything. I guessed that the reason for the excitement was because she was about to tell us about her summer class. I was right— it was about that….somewhat.

I initially thought that Mika was excited simply because it’s the first time that we enrolled the kids to any summer class (That’s right. After six years of Alyanna’s existence, she finally knows what it’s like to have summer classes!). But more than the activities, Mika went on to tell us about something else:

Mika: “Mom! A guy in my class told me, ‘Oh, you’re sooo tyoot (cute)! I want to kiss you!” …And then he tissed (kissed) me! And then we all started laughing. My other classmates also started laughing because he tissed me and said that I was tyoot! But it’s otay (okay) because he just tissed me on the cheets (cheeks) lang! ”

Me: *semi-shocked but trying to contain myself* “Uh-huh. I see…..okay…go tell dad about it….”

I then motioned for Dennis to listen and PAY ATTENTION. He was playing NBA at the time that Mika told me about it (FYI: NBA = physically present but mentally absent unless otherwise requested to be present mentally as well).

Mika: “Dad! A guy in my class told me, ‘Oh, you’re sooo tyoot (cute)! I want to kiss you!” …And then he tissed (kissed) me! And then we all started laughing. My other classmates also started laughing because he kissed me and said that I was tyoot! But it’s otay (okay) because he just tissed me on the cheets (cheeks) lang!” *excitement still showing*

Daddy: *drops the iPad and turns to Mika….then points his finger to emphasize the importance of what he was about to say* “What?!?! Okay, the next time a guy does that to you, you tell me right away okay? I’m going to fight the guy and get mad at him!”

Innocent little four-year old Mika: *gulp* …and I assume there was a thought bubble that said “Uh, did I say something wrong???”

After a few seconds, she said “O–kay…”, but she still had that “gulp”-y expression on her face.

Mighty emotionally-stable mom to the rescue!!!

Me: “Oh, Mika. *big smile* How nice noh? They think you’re so cute, maybe because you are so kind to them, huh? *big smile*….But the next time someone tells you that they want to kiss you, just tell them right away that you can only kiss mom and dad okay?” *big smile*

Dennis: *starting to get my drift….now trying to sound calm* “Yes, and remember the ONLY boy who can kiss you until you have a husband is daddy. NOBODY ELSE. Okay????”

Mika: *back to her excited self* “Or maybe I can just tell them only the cheets is allowed??”

Dennis: “NO! Not even the cheeks. Only daddy. No boy is allowed to kiss you!”

….Okay…. Dennis, you still have about ten years (I hope) to work on your “my-daughter-just-said-the-word-boy!” responses.

Good thing you have a very calm and stable wife, eh? hehehe ;D

Here’s another mother-daughter dialogue over lunch:

Alyanna:”Mom, why are you so quiet all of a sudden? Are thinking of how to fix our house?”

Me: “Hmm…not really, but yeah I’m also wondering about that, I guess…”

Alyanna: “But mom, you don’t have to! Our house is perfect!”

Me: “Oh, thank you! But when you say perfect, what do you mean? What makes you say that it’s perfect?”

Alyanna: “Well, because you’re special. So even when you’re just thinking about fixing, it’s already special. It’s already perfect to me. Does that make sense or you still don’t get it?” (She was so cute when she said this, so…feeling grown-up!!)

Me: “Hmm…Can you explain that some more please?”

Alyanna: “I said, diba you’re special to me? So that means whatever you think about, it’s special also. How you fix the house, it’s special to me na….so it’s perfect for me!”

This couldn’t have been a more timely reminder for me. As homemakers, we (or is it just me??) easily get caught up with trying to make the house look nice and neat, with the intention of providing our family with the best experience of “home”. I need to get all the countertops organized! I need to arrange this so it would fit perfectly and go with that! I need to fix this and work on that!

What Alyanna said struck me: our home is perfect, our home is special…because mom is special. She didn’t require for her room to have all the best stuff, nor her closet be filled with the nicest clothes, nor her shelves be lined with the most expensive toys. She didn’t mind the current mess that’s sitting in our hallway waiting to be moved before she could say that our house is perfect.

THIS….is “perfect”?!???

Our kids’ definition of perfection is different from how grown-ups would usually define it. Their perception of a perfect home is not based on how their house looks like, but about the people that make up their home— their family. In short, they would rather have me playing with them and sharing memories with them than me spending the entire time fixing our house or finding nice things to put in our house. They would rather have me and be with me.

Mom is special, and that’s what makes the home special!

And it doesn’t matter to them either that mom often make mistakes (in my case, a lot of them! hehe). To them, mom is perfect on the basis of her place in their hearts— because she is special. And as long as they are with mom (and dad of course), home is special….and perfect.

Whew! Thank God! No pressure na!

One thing that the kids love is hear me run my lessons or preachings by them (hehe eew I make it sound like it’s a lot! haha! It’s not that many naman).  Aside from checking that I have sufficient time, it is also helpful to download my lessons to them because if I can make my little girls understand them, it means that I have understood my topic well enough, too.

One time, after “preaching” to the girls and checking to see if they understood what I wanted them to get, Mika raised a question. “Mom, what about Beauty and the Beast??” 

Huh??

My topic had absolutely nothing to do with this favorite Disney fairytale! I was talking about the Gospel, the Cross, our identity in God….and then, Beauty and the Beast?!?? Was she even listening?? What a silly question! 

Well, maybe I just didn’t hear her question well. Maybe her question was….. “What was your question again, Mika?”

“What about Beauty and the Beast??”, her tone was now a bit more serious. She sincerely believed that her question warranted a good answer. It was vital to her understanding of my preaching.

But I still thought it was a silly question— a waste of time, even. “Mika, that’s just a movie. Stop thinking about it already.”  I just didn’t even want to try and give an answer to what she considered was a very valid question.

But then….ting! It hit me.

Yes! That’s right! Beauty and the Beast!!!

“Oh! Mika! I get it now. Yes, sorry I forgot to explain about Beauty and the Beast.

What happened there? There was the beast, who was….well, a beast, right? but despite that, Belle chose to love him. What happened when Belle loved the Beast in spite of of how he looked and the state that he was in? He got transformed and he became a prince again, right? 

Well, all of us, we’re actually all like the beast. We’re so unlovable and ugly…but what happened? God chose to love us anyway, right? And it’s that very love of God that has transformed us and made us beautiful! Now, we are not beasts anymore! We are princesses because God chose to love us!”

What followed was a huge smile…and a look that said “lightbulb moment!”  :D

How often do we dismiss some of our kids’ questions because we thought they were silly? Or maybe we do acknowledge their questions but not really give much thought to the answers because they seem to have nothing to do to what we are trying to teach our children at the moment? I’m guilty of this at times. *big grin* ….But if we really think about it, there are no silly questions when it comes to our children. To them, every question is valid. Every question deserves an answer. Every question is an opportunity to learn and grow.

“Silly” is just a word that grown-ups came up with as an excuse to ignore questions when we’re too preoccupied or too….lazy…to come up with good answers.

Over breakfast…

MIKA: “Mom, Why only husband and wife can kiss?”

ME: “Because that’s how God designed us. We were meant to save ourselves and keep ourselves only for our husbands.” (I have no idea if she understood this, but she shouldn’t be asking questions like this in the first place!!!)

MIKA: “Wow. Mom, I can’t wait to have a husband na.”

Patay.

ME: “Uh… Well…. You can start praying for your husband now. Pray that he will grow up loving God with all his heart, mind, and strength. Pray that he will always obey God and his parents.”

MIKA: “Mom, I really, really, really cannot wait to have a husband!!”

ME: *Change the subject! Change the subject!!!!* “Uh….Okay… That’s good…so start praying now, okay? Are you done eating?? Come on, Let’s play!!! Who wants to play na??”

I guess it’s a good thing, right??  Probably, Mika really, really, really cannot wait to have a husband because she sees from her parents that marriage is a beautiful union, right?? She probably adores how her dad is as a husband that’s why she’s excited to have a ….you know what, right??

Yes, yes, Thammie. No need to panic. That’s just it! She just wants what you have as a wife. But it doesn’t mean anything other than that. She’s still three years old. Don’t worry. THREE years old. Say it again: THRRREEEE years old.

There.

Now, breathe in…….breathe out…….

Okay…

You’re fine.

Three years old.

THREE years old.

Now, just pray she won’t ever bring up the subject again until after twenty years.

Just came from another “session” with Mika. Typical— she disobeyed, and the so the story goes….

Mika: *crying* “I’m sorry mom!”

ME: “I forgive you, Mika, and  I love you.”

MIKA: “Why??”

ME: “Because I love you! I choose to love you no matter what, and you are my daughter, nothing can change that, so I’ll love you no matter what.”

MIKA: “Why?”

ME: “Why what?”

MIKA: “Why I’m you’re daughter always?”

ME: (Thought bubble: Bakit, may reklamo?? Ayaw mo??) *Erase the thought bubble*… “Uh…Mika, you also have to say sorry to God, right?”

MIKA: *crying more* “Yes! ….Jesus, I’m sorry!! Please for-dive me and please help me!!”

ME: “Mika, you know what the Bible says, right? Each time we ask for forgiveness and say sorry, God promises to forgive us and to help us do what’s right next time?”

MIKA: “Why?”

ME: “Well, because God loves you!”

MIKA: “Why?”

ME: “Because God is really loving and you are His daughter. He loves you.”

MIKA: “Because I’m nicer than Atsi (referring to older sister) ?”

ME: “No. No one is nicer. We are all the same. All of us sin against God and all of us need God to forgive us and to help us.”

MIKA: “What about the other people? Because I’m nicer than them?”

ME: “No, Mika. All of us….we’re the same. We all sin, right? That’s why Jesus had to die for us.Good thing he died for us, right?”

MIKA: “Yes. Dood thing even if Judas tempted Jesus to not die on the tross nalang, he still obeyed the soldiers and went up the tross, right?”

ME: “Uhm…Yes, good thing Jesus obeyed God the Father and died for us even if it was painful, because he loves us.”

MIKA: “Yes. I heard Judas mom. He tempted Jesus to not listen to Dod (God). Dood thing Jesus didn’t listen to Judas….”

ME: “Ah…okay…. (ano bang pinanood mo bata??) …okay, Mika, take a bath na….”

*Whew!*

Disciplining our children takes T-I-M-E…. Agree??

Our goal is not just for them to see what they did wrong, but to see their need for a Savior. We want them to say, “God, thank you for loving me, forgiving me, and helping me each time I do wrong and sin against you. Jesus, Dood thing you died on the tross for me. Thank you so much!”