(Oops….Forgot to press “publish” yesterday! heehee)
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Today was going to be a very crucial day for me, mainly with regards to my health. I’ve had tests done the previous week to rule out any serious autoimmune disorders that could have possibly caused the subchorionic hemorrhage and its progressive increase in volume last week. (This explains why I haven’t been so “talkative” here. My doctor ordered a complete bed rest, though thankfully, still with bathroom privileges.)
Today was going to be the moment of truth.
The first thing that came to mind when I woke up was “This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.” I didn’t know exactly what it was that God was trying to imply by reminding me of that verse, but nevertheless, I made a decision to do just that and prayed a short prayer. “No matter what report I get today, Lord. I will rejoice in YOU. This is the day that you have made, and I will rejoice. I am already grateful for the life that you’ve given me and this baby.”
Of course, I was believing for good news, and for no more delay in my healing. I know that this baby has a great future and destiny. I was not going to take whatever opposition to that sitting down. I knew that God was going to heal me and help this baby thrive. It was never a question of “if”, but admittedly, I wasn’t sure about the when. I’ve asked God for instantaneous healing the past visits to the doctor, but that’s not the way He chose to work. He chose to allow me to go through more tests and medication and rest, instead.
Anyway, the moment of truth. (Eto na talaga, kanina hindi pa. hehe)
I am excited to announce that the ultrasound showed no more trace of hemorrhage or bleeding, and all the other lab tests came out negative!! I have no APAS. I have no SLE (lupus). I am healthy, and my body is finally responding well to this pregnancy! What’s more, I saw baby’s teeny-tiny limbs moving and kicking! What joy!
There’s just one thing I can say in response to this — Your love, Lord? ………………it’s overwhelming.
Overwhelming.
Overwhelming.
Overwhelming.
YOU, Lord …………….. You’re overwhelming.
Thank you.
I am at a loss for words, but that’s okay I guess, because you see my heart.
In all things, I want to see you and know you more…….. I want to see and know your overwhelming glory more.
God is good and God does good. :) He is still the God who heals; the God who gives good gifts to His children; the God who is almighty, all-powerful, and all-knowing….He is our God— our Father, who takes care of us.
PS:
I would like to take this time to thank all my friends who have been praying for me, sending me messages to encourage me, asking how I am, sending me food, asking to visit…. I am truly, truly grateful for wonderful friends that God has blessed me with. You all have been a blessing to our family. Your support and prayers have encouraged and blessed us in ways more than words can express. Thank you, thank you, thank you….
Please don’t get me wrong. I am an advocate of breastfeeding. I breastfed both of my girls– one until I got pregnant again, and the other until she was a little over two. I love, love, looooove breastfeeding! And I would fight with all I have to still be able to nurse my next babies— even if it means having to go through the initial pain of breastfeeding again. It is all worth it!
Having said that, it is always my joy to support my friends in their efforts to breastfeed as well. I remember some instances that I’ve had to get up in the middle of the night to answer phone calls from mom-friends who needed some encouragement. I love doing research for other people regarding breastfeeding. I rejoice with moms when they are finally out of the painful phase and into enjoying the full benefits– both for them and for their babies– of breastfeeding.
Now, why did you have to put such a negative title then, Thammie?? You may ask (or not)….Well, with all the articles and blog posts we get to read nowadays, it’s not so uncommon to hear moms share about their various experiences on breastfeeding. Of course, there are so many encouraging success stories, but there are also those who share how they feel guilty and stressed once they bring home their newborns from the hospital and they still are not able to nurse properly or provide sufficient milk. It’s as if they feel they are not giving enough to their babies. Some, on the other hand, feel that they are finally “real” moms once they are able to finally nurse their babies, as if those who– for whatever reason, are not able to– are any less real. Some moms, when asked about their breastfeeding journey, feel they have to defend themselves if they feel they were not able to nurse their babies long enough, or even if they did, why they had to stop.
I feel that for some reason, what was created to just bring about joy and health, has caused some unnecessary emotions that are, more than anything— imposed on self, as a result of pressure from society.
Here’s my only point for this post, really: Breastfeeding is a wonderful gift given to us moms. It is absolutely beneficial— physically, emotionally, mentally— for both baby and mom. It feels incredibly wonderful to breastfeed our babies. And it is a huge relief to daddies and their wallets! BUT… your success in breastfeeding does NOT define you as a mom. There is more to parenting and motherhood than being able to successfully let your baby latch on and get nourishment from you. There is more to you as a parent than just fulfilling a certain standard of the “twenty-first century supermom”. That is not what would define your worth as a mother. That is not what defines you, period.
If I may put it so bluntly, you are worth more than your breasts.
After a couple of days, I now get to use my laptop again. Is it just me or have I really been relatively “silent” the past few weeks??
I have been feeling quite guilty the past few days, since the doctor ordered that I stay away from anything that could cause any stress or tension. She advised against homeschooling (we’re THIS close too, you know? — THIS close to finishing!); Action flicks or series are a no-no; And personally, I haven’t had the drive to go on the net either— not even to write.
I expressed this sense of “guilt” to Dennis (nothing serious though)— how I haven’t done any housework in a long time, how I haven’t been able to homeschool, to blog….And what he said greatly reassured and encouraged me: “Yes you could be a homeschool teacher now, a housewife, or a blogger….but right now, you have to choose to just be a mother. Nothing else. That’s your priority now.” (He actually said this in English ha! hehe ) As the doctor said, the priority now is to protect this baby that’s in my womb and to try to help it thrive.
I know this sounds so basic, and it really should be something that I should’ve grasped already, but again, there are just times when you need someone to say it to you out loud. I am really not used to not doing anything and not seeing any fruit or evidence of productivity in this household as far as I’m concerned, and so….there are random moments when I am just itching to be able to move about already. But I thank God for the wisdom of my husband, who constantly reminds me that the purpose of bed rest is really to be able to REST.
I guess it’s always a good thing to be reminded of this thing called priority. Making something a priority is a choice we deliberately make. It means out of all the the many things that I can do, out of all the demands that I feel I have to do— THIS is what I choose to devote my time and efforts in.
When we look at our budget and checkbooks, what do they give away? What do we value? When we check our calendars, what do they tell of what we have chosen to take priority? When we assess how we build and keep our relationships, what do they say about what is truly important to us?
Whether we are aware of it or not, we make choices everyday as to what our priorities are. I hope we make choices, not only based on what will satisfy our current interests or fulfill our ambitions, but based on the roles we have been given— as wives, as mothers, as women of purpose.
I wrote this post yesterday, but I wasn’t sure if I should publish it so I just saved it and kept is as a draft.
Anyway, here it is now.
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Two hours prior to writing this, I was in the bathroom changing when I noticed that once again, I started spotting. Since we just had our second ultrasound a few days ago showing that there’s still some bleeding in my uterus, I didn’t think it was something that should cause alarm. I actually thought it’s an expected occurrence as a result of my uterus’ present condition. (Oh, BTW, results of our second ultrasound showed a heartbeat and a slight increase in the volume of the bleed).
I decided anyway to contact my OB, just to ask if this was somewhat expected, and what measures I should take. She immediately replied that I should now go on a complete bedrest, go back to taking medicine, and that if bleeding progresses, I should go straight to the DR (delivery room).
Honestly, the thought of me having to go to the DR gave an overwhelming sense of worry and fear. I started sending text messages to some of my good friends to pray for me and the baby. I specifically asked that they pray against worry and fear on my part, too, since I kind of saw it coming. I had a feeling that in a few more minutes, I was likely to start imagining what I didn’t want to imagine, and that would make me start feeling what I didn’t want to feel….which would make me do what I didn’t want to do (cry).
And the timing couldn’t be better. Everybody was out to attend church and so there was no one home but me. Being alone meant I could cry and worry and not have to hide it!
But I decided I didn’t want to be in fear. I didn’t want to cry and worry. I was alone, which actually meant I could pray and lay my petition before God without any interruption!
So that’s what I did– I tried to fight against worry and got myself to pray. But truth be told, no matter how hard I tried to pray faith-filled prayers, and no matter how I tried to stop myself from crying, I couldn’t deny the fact that I knew deep down I felt some amount of worry and fear. Sure, I could always try to deny its existence, but knowing myself, I’ll eventually give unless I am able to completely lay it before God and let Him speak to me and my situation.
So there I was, trying to control the amount of tears that started to roll down my cheeks as I kept asking God to take away my fears and as I kept declaring God’s promises out loud. Sometimes, it’s one thing to know it, it’s another thing to hear it again….and again…being spoken over your situation.
As I kept asking God to take away my fear so I can just pray in faith for this baby that’s developing in my womb, I felt that God was leading me to do only one thing: to worship Him.
And so that’s what I did. I kept singing the song “Bless the Lord” by Jon Owens. Over and over, I sang it, and the more I did, the more I was able to take my mind off my situation and began to remember God’s greatness. Finally, at one point of the song, as I sang, “In the splendor of your majesty, from deep within my spirit sings holy, holy, holy….” , I was reminded of the verse in Isaiah when he said “I see the Lord, seated on His throne, high and exalted….”
That’s it. That’s the picture of God right now– He is seated on His throne. He is not rattled or alarmed by my situation…nor by any other situation for that matter. God is seated on His throne. He is seated, He is on His throne, He is sovereign, He is in control; He sees everything, He knows everything….. and this God who is over all actually calls me His daughter. And He loves me. He has a plan for me and my family, and even for this pregnancy and this baby. This God who is over all, is faithful and He says that His plans for us are always good, pleasing, and perfect. This God who is over all already knows what will happen tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that… and He says that He is and He will be the same faithful and powerful and loving God in each of those days, just as He was– and has always been– in all of my days, even the ones where I knew I messed up.
Here’s my conclusion for today: There is no faster cure for worry and fear than to worship. When we worship, we don’t necessarily forget about the things that concern us, but knowing God now becomes our more pressing concern. When we worship, we don’t necessarily negate the reality and the weight of our fears and problems, but God’s greatness now bears more weight in our hearts and minds than our present situation. When we worship, we remember how finite and weak we are, and how limitless and powerful God is.
The Psalmist said it well— “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid…”
Thank you Lord.
PS:
I hope this song ministers to you as much as it did to me.
For the past few days, I’ve been having a hard time in deciding what food I want to eat. I know this sounds so unlike me, but really– it’s been hard for me. I don’t know what I want to eat until the moment that I am already super hungry that my stomach starts to turn all acidic and it starts cramping with so much pain. Ugh. I don’t like the feeling. I never thought the day would come that I’d have to force myself to eat…Although, I must say….I still do a pretty good job in forcing myself. Hehe!
Anyway, since the impossible has become possible, and I do have to make an effort to want to eat, I’ve been spending some time going through food sites, food photos, cookbooks….just to find what my tastebuds would agree with. So, for this week, expect my posts to be all food-related. I also realized that I haven’t published any of my food posts from our last Hong Kong trip too, so now would be a good time to finally do that.
Today, I checked for what I am NOT allowed to eat in preparation for the buffet I will go to once I break free from house arrest. I’ve been planning to go to a buffet even before I found out about my pregnancy, so I really want to be able to go already! (Okay, forget what I said about having to force myself to eat….it doesn’t apply to the thought of being in an all-you-can-eat buffet!) Sadly, most of what I love having at buffets are forbidden for the time being! Tsk. Tsk. Tsk....
Raw Meat: Uncooked seafood and rare or undercooked beef or poultry should be avoided because of the risk of contamination with coliform bacteria, toxoplasmosis, and salmonella.
Deli Meat: Deli meats have been known to be contaminated with listeria, which can cause miscarriage. Listeria has the ability to cross the placenta and may infect the baby leading to infection or blood poisoning, which may be life-threatening. If you are pregnant and you are considering eating deli meats, make certain that you reheat the meat until it is steaming .
Fish with Mercury: Fish that contain high levels of mercury should be avoided. Mercury consumed during pregnancy has been linked to developmental delays and brain damage. A sample of these types of fish include: shark, swordfish, king mackerel, and tilefish. Canned, chunk light tuna generally has a lower amount of mercury than other tuna, but still should only be eaten in moderation. Certain types of fish used in sushi should also be avoided due to high levels of mercury. Please see Mercury in Fish for specific types of fish and further information on how to calculate mercury levels.
Smoked Seafood -Refrigerated, smoked seafood often labeled as lox, nova style, kippered, or jerky should be avoided because it could be contaminated with Listeria. (These are safe to eat when they are in an ingredient in a meal that has been cooked, like a casserole.) This type of fish is often found in the deli section of your grocery store. Canned or shelf-safe smoked seafood is usually OK to eat.
Fish Exposed to Industrial Pollutants: Avoid fish from contaminated lakes and rivers that may be exposed to high levels of polychlorinated biphenyls. This is primarily for those who fish in local lakes and streams. These fish include: bluefish, striped bass, salmon, pike, trout, and walleye. Contact the local health department or Environmental Protection Agency to determine which fish are safe to eat in your area. Remember, this is regarding fish caught in local waters and not fish from your local grocery store.
Raw Shellfish: The majority of seafood-borne illness is caused by undercooked shellfish, which include oysters, clams, and mussels. Cooking helps prevent some types of infection, but it does not prevent the algae-related infections that are associated with red tides. Raw shellfish pose a concern for everybody, and they should be avoided altogether during pregnancy.
Raw Eggs: Raw eggs or any foods that contain raw eggs should be avoided because of the potential exposure to salmonella. Some homemade Caesar dressings, mayonnaise, homemade ice cream or custards, and Hollandaise sauces may be made with raw eggs.
If the recipe is cooked at some point, this will reduce the exposure to salmonella. Commercially manufactured ice cream, dressings, and eggnog are made with pasteurized eggs and do not increase the risk of salmonella. Restaurants should be using pasteurized eggs in any recipe that is made with raw eggs, such as Hollandaise sauce or dressings.
Soft Cheeses: Imported soft cheeses may contain bacteria called Listeria, which can cause miscarriage. Listeria has the ability to cross the placenta and may infect the baby leading to infection or blood poisoning, which can be life-threatening. You would need to avoid soft cheeses such as: Brie, Camembert, Roquefort, Feta, Gorgonzola and Mexican style cheeses that include queso blanco and queso fresco, unless they clearly state that they are made from pasteurized milk. All soft non-imported cheeses made with pasteurized milk are safe to eat.
Un pasteurized Milk: Un pasteurized milk may contain a bacteria called listeria, which can cause miscarriage. Listeria has the ability to cross the placenta and may infect the baby leading to infection or blood poisoning, which can be life-threatening. Make sure that any milk you drink is pasteurized.
Pate: Refrigerated pate or meat spreads should be avoided because they may contain the bacteria listeria. Canned pate, or shelf-safe meat spreads can be eaten.
Caffeine: Although most studies show that caffeine intake in moderation is OK, there are others that show that caffeine intake may be related to miscarriages. Avoid caffeine during the first trimester to reduce the likelihood of a miscarriage. As a general rule, caffeine should be limited to fewer than 200 mg per day during pregnancy. Caffeine is a diuretic, which means it helps eliminate fluids from the body. This can result in water and calcium loss. It is important that you are drinking plenty of water, juice, and milk rather than caffeinated beverages. Some research shows that large amounts of caffeine are associated with miscarriage, premature birth, low birth weight, and withdrawal symptoms in infants. The safest thing is to refrain from consuming caffeine.
Alcohol: There is NO amount of alcohol that is known to be safe during pregnancy, and therefore alcohol should be avoided during pregnancy. Prenatal exposure to alcohol can interfere with the healthy development of the baby. Depending on the amount, timing, and pattern of use, alcohol consumption during pregnancy can lead to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or other developmental disorders. If you consumed alcohol before you knew you were pregnant, stop drinking now. You should continue to avoid alcohol during breastfeeding. Exposure of alcohol to an infant poses harmful risks, and alcohol does reach the baby during breastfeeding.
Unwashed Vegetables: Yes, vegetables are safe to eat, so you still need to eat them. However, it is essential to make sure they are washed to avoid potential exposure to toxoplasmosis. Toxoplasmosis may contaminate the soil where the vegetables were grown.
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So you see, except for the alcohol, I am affected! I am not allowed to have what I always want to have!
It’s a good thing a friend texted me today, and reminded me of one key word to help me with everything that my body is experiencing at this time: patience.
True. Anything that’s worth it, is worth waiting for, fighting for, praying for, and sacrificing for.
Of course, I don’t mean to say that not eating what I want to eat is considered “sacrifice” already (although sometimes it feels that way)— far from it! There are real sacrifices that a lot of moms have to make and to bring it down to the level of food is not right. I just want to keep things light at this time though. I really am experiencing so much pain in my stomach that it’s so hard to think, and even holding a book up to read takes so much effort. All I want to do is lie down and try to find a position that is comfortable…and that alone is a feat!
So now as I am writing this, I do pray for all the other pregnant moms out there. I pray that you will have so much joy and rest as you go through your pregnancy. I pray you will have the strength that you need as you carry the baby in your womb and at the same time take care of your household. I pray against any kind of pain and discomfort. I pray that you will be able to sleep well and function well, and that supernatural comfort will be upon you. I pray for the joy of the Lord to be your strength as you wait on Him to bring that baby into wholeness.
Thank you Lord for what you are doing. Thank you that you have prepared our bodies for such a nine-month-long event as this!
Being on bed rest does not have to mean being idle. In the comfort of your bed, there are tons you can do to be productive!
1. Read that book you’ve always wanted to read, but “never had time” to.
Let’s see how many I can finish this week….
2. Read your Bible and pray (I deliberately put this on number two, not because it comes second to reading other books, but I didn’t want to sound “religious” hehe!)
Nothing is more powerful than time spent in the Word and in prayer!
3. Homeschool your kids.
Amazingly, we were able to cover more lessons today since there were no toys around….therefore, no distractions!
4. Sleep!
We often take sleep for granted. I, for one, would usually rather do something else other than sleep. Now I have no choice. Since I am not yet allowed to have my usual dose of caffeine, I really get sleepy throughout the day! It doesn’t help that the afternoon breeze here in our room makes you feel like you’re at the beach.
5. Read mails that have been left unread because of your “lack of time”.
6. Contact and connect with friends.
7. Menu plan.
This one can be tricky. It might not be so helpful when you’re already always hungry and you have these cravings….but it’s still so fun to do! Hehe
8. Write.
Write mails… write blogs….write whatever…. depending on your brain’s level of cooperation.
9. Enjoy your kids!!!
Enjoy laughing with them, exchanging thoughts and stories with them, reading to them, playing board games with them….just enjoy them! And appreciate the fact that for sure, they appreciate the undivided attention and time they’re getting from you now!
10. R-E-S-T.
That is the whole reason why they call it “bed rest“, right? Rest recharges us, refreshes us, and prepares us for the next stretch of labor that will come next….soon….
Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. (Hebrews 4:1)
I have no APAS. I have no SLE (lupus). I am healthy, and my body is finally responding well to this pregnancy! What’s more, I saw baby’s teeny-tiny limbs moving and kicking! 
