….This is one phrase I have always been afraid of saying. No, scratch that….. This is one phrase I have always been afraid of even thinking about.

I grew up having the mindset that if failure can be avoided, then why not just avoid it? I have never been a risk-taker. I always made sure that if I were to get into something, I had to excel at that thing, or at the very least, get average results. I have never dared to commit myself to something I wasn’t 100% sure about, never tried anything unless I knew I had a big chance of being excellent in whatever that was. I have never failed an exam from kindergarten to college. I have never attended a recognition day without getting an award of some sort. I have never seen red ink on my card. Never.

… And for me, I was doing just great because I never had to experience failure. I thought I was very wise, being able to calculate my steps and live my life so cautiously. I thought I would surely go far and accomplish great things because I always count the cost and plan my steps carefully. I thought, I thought, I thought…. Wow. How I thought wrong.

I didn’t know that as I kept telling myself to “never fail, I couldn’t fail, I must not fail“— that all the while, I have been failing. I failed to seize the opportunities, I failed to experience new things that life had to offer, I failed to grow.

Failure is a necessary event of life. I call it an event, because it is temporary. Failures do not necessarily have to define who we are. A failure is just a signal for us to get off that horse, and move on to try another one.

It is important for us parents to be able to communicate to our children that it is okay to fail. Oftentimes as parents, we try to “shield” our children from having to experience failure— because we love them, because we don’t want them to go through the pain, because we want to spare them from what we had to go through growing up, or maybe because we feel that their failure could be a reflection of our failure as parents. Whatever it may be, we have to let go of those reasons and accept the fact that as human beings living on planet earth, it is inevitable that we experience failure if we are to grow and learn. The only way for us to avoid failure is to stay stuck, to stay put, to live with the status quo.

We want to raise children who, instead of being afraid to fail, are secure enough to embrace the failure, get up, shake it off, and move on. We want to raise children who are not afraid to grow, to learn, and to live life.

Just came from another “session” with Mika. Typical— she disobeyed, and the so the story goes….

Mika: *crying* “I’m sorry mom!”

ME: “I forgive you, Mika, and  I love you.”

MIKA: “Why??”

ME: “Because I love you! I choose to love you no matter what, and you are my daughter, nothing can change that, so I’ll love you no matter what.”

MIKA: “Why?”

ME: “Why what?”

MIKA: “Why I’m you’re daughter always?”

ME: (Thought bubble: Bakit, may reklamo?? Ayaw mo??) *Erase the thought bubble*… “Uh…Mika, you also have to say sorry to God, right?”

MIKA: *crying more* “Yes! ….Jesus, I’m sorry!! Please for-dive me and please help me!!”

ME: “Mika, you know what the Bible says, right? Each time we ask for forgiveness and say sorry, God promises to forgive us and to help us do what’s right next time?”

MIKA: “Why?”

ME: “Well, because God loves you!”

MIKA: “Why?”

ME: “Because God is really loving and you are His daughter. He loves you.”

MIKA: “Because I’m nicer than Atsi (referring to older sister) ?”

ME: “No. No one is nicer. We are all the same. All of us sin against God and all of us need God to forgive us and to help us.”

MIKA: “What about the other people? Because I’m nicer than them?”

ME: “No, Mika. All of us….we’re the same. We all sin, right? That’s why Jesus had to die for us.Good thing he died for us, right?”

MIKA: “Yes. Dood thing even if Judas tempted Jesus to not die on the tross nalang, he still obeyed the soldiers and went up the tross, right?”

ME: “Uhm…Yes, good thing Jesus obeyed God the Father and died for us even if it was painful, because he loves us.”

MIKA: “Yes. I heard Judas mom. He tempted Jesus to not listen to Dod (God). Dood thing Jesus didn’t listen to Judas….”

ME: “Ah…okay…. (ano bang pinanood mo bata??) …okay, Mika, take a bath na….”

*Whew!*

Disciplining our children takes T-I-M-E…. Agree??

Our goal is not just for them to see what they did wrong, but to see their need for a Savior. We want them to say, “God, thank you for loving me, forgiving me, and helping me each time I do wrong and sin against you. Jesus, Dood thing you died on the tross for me. Thank you so much!”

Mika is already three years old, but for some odd reason, people still presume that she is only about a year old (That is, until they see her eat and hear her talk). Each time we go to a restaurant, as in…each time, we always have to ask for another set of plates and utensils for her. Each time! I just want to tell the people waiting on our tables that yes, she is already a little human being. She is a person. Tao na rin ‘to, ate. Kumakain din.

Sometimes I find this cute, sometimes annoying. Sometimes I just hope that they recognize this little human as a person already, while sometimes I wish this will carry on until she is about six or seven or eight, so she gets to eat at buffets for free, longer. (heeheehee…. *evil plan cooking* ;D)

This puzzles me, but it doesn’t bother me as much as when it is I (or Dennis) who forgets to recognize her as a person capable of understanding and processing what she sees us say and do. A little person, yes— but person nonetheless. It scares me to think that too often I also forget that she is in fact, not an infant anymore. She is a little human— one who is fully capable of hearing and seeing and ….(gulp!)….copying, even the habits and expressions that I would rather not have her imitate. She is one who is very, verrryyy quick to observe how I respond (or react) to situations, how I treat people around me, how I am when I think that no one is watching me. A very scary thought. I have to keep telling myself: She is already a little human being. She is a person. Tao na rin ‘ to. Kumakain, nakikinig, nanonood….at mahilig pang manggaya.

A scary thought, so help me God. ?

You know how they say that every moment is a teachable moment? Whether we are at home playing or eating, or out caught in traffic, there is always an opportunity to teach our little ones.

I’ve embraced that “truth”. I admit I have a tendency to over-explain things (meaning, explain even trivial matters), but I do try to be as concise as I can possibly be as I do this.

With Alyanna, it seems that my efforts in explaining are never in vain. I can always see that she understands what I try to tell her, and she is even able to explain or challenge other people’s opinions and actions based on what she has come to understand as truth or what’s right.

Mika, on the other hand, well…. she’s Mika…..

CORRECTION/TEACHABLE MOMENT NUMBER ONE:

(While teaching her to honor and respect others with her words)

ME: “Mika, you have to be very careful with your words. You know your tongue is like a sword, it is so powerful….”

MIKA: *interrupts and beams as she has a light bulb moment* “Lite a swort but with teeth and a mouth??”

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TEACHABLE MOMENT NUMBER TWO:

(Out of the blue, while eating)

MIKA: “You know, diba mom Jesus died for us on the tross (cross)?   Hala. That’s why we need another Jesus na. Let’s  find another Jesus.”

(Uhm, anak, idolatry ata tawag dun!)

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CORRECTION/TEACHABLE MOMENT NUMBER THREE:

(While trying to settle a dispute between the two girls)

MIKA: (trying to defend herself and explain what had happened) “No I didn’t do any-tin to huh but she keets sayin that I did any-tin to huh! (I didn’t do anything to her but she keeps saying that I did….I think she meant ‘something’… to her)

ME: “So who’s lying and who’s telling the truth?”

MIKA: “I’m not lyin’! Achie’s lyin!’”

ME: “Mika, you know the Bible tells us to keep our tongue from evil and our lips from speaking lies. Lying is a sin. Do you know that?”

MIKA: “Yes.”

ME: “Do you know what lying means?”

MIKA: “Yes.”

ME: “What does it mean?”

MIKA: “Not obeyin’ you?”

ME: “Mika, lying is when we are not telling the truth; when we are not telling what really happened only and when we make up our own story. SO are you making up your own story or are you telling me the truth?”

MIKA: “ Telling you the truth.”

ME: “Are you telling me the truth or making up your own story?”

MIKA: “Making up my own story.”

Hmm…Oh no. I know where this is going……nowhere.

Like I said, she’s Mika.

Each time I begin to think that Mika is finally getting something I am teaching her, she makes sure to let me know otherwise.  A lot of times, I have to ask for discernment to know whether it’s innocence, ignorance, or rebellion disguised in cute’s clothing. Still, I do not stop planting seeds of God’s Word because I just never know when it will finally click and she would finally get it.

After all, the clicking part is not really our job anymore. We can plant the seeds, but we can’t force the growth out of them. All we can do is be faithful in planting and cultivating, guiding and praying…..and wait for God’s Word to grow in their hearts and  bear much fruit.

Earlier this morning, I woke up with a very itchy sting in my eye. Over breakfast, Alyanna complained that she too, had an “ouchie” in her eye . I simply told her, “Yeah. Me too. Maybe a bug bit us or some dirt entered our eyes.”

I then went back to finishing my cup of coffee while I enjoyed the remaining minutes of my supposedly-quiet reading time.

Several minutes after the girls finished their breakfast, Alyanna came running to ask me, “Mom! Is the ouchie in your eye gone already??” I said no. It was still very itchy. Alyanna then proudly told me that her ouchie was gone.

“You know why, mom??”

Of course, we all know that the only way to answer that kind of question is with one word– “Why??”

She confidently replied, “Because I prayed for God to heal me!”

Oh my. How embarrassing! Honestly, I didn’t even think of that option! The thought of asking God to remove something as petty as an itchy bite on the eye didn’t even occur to me! Maybe subconsciously I didn’t want to “bother” God with this very trivial concern, or maybe I was ashamed to ask for something that all the people in hospitals would just laugh at….I don’t know. But, oh my….I can’t believe I did not think of praying for this tiny little ouchie on my eye!

Of course, I had to commend my five year-old for what she did, and acknowledge my…..”forgetfulness”, so I did.

“Wow, Alyanna! Good thinking! I’m so happy you thought of that! You know, you’re right! What a great idea! Why didn’t I think of doing that right away??? That’s what I should have done, too!”

“Yeah, mom. That’s what I do every time I have a problem. I just pray to God by myself, even if it’s just in my mind. That’s what you should do, too, mom.”

Okay, okay….I stand corrected….and reminded.

If we can believe God for the big things, why can’t we believe God for the small ones? If we can trust God with our future, why do we sometimes forget to trust him with our present daily concerns? If we can take God for His Word when He says that He even knows the number of hair on our heads, what makes us think that He’s any less concerned with the trivial things we face each day?

Our God is not just someone who’s way “up there” overseeing the affairs of mankind. Yes, He is above all. But He is also in all….and is very much involved and interested in each of our lives.

“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
   the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
   and the son of man that you care for him?” -Psalm 8:3-4

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photo: www.gotit.co

Alyanna barged into our room earlier this morning, telling me she had something very important to ask me. Of course, I put aside everything that I was doing and prepared myself to answer her very important  question.

ALYANNA: “Mom, even if Mika and I disobey you, you still love us just the same?”

ME: “Of course!”

ALYANNA: “”Even if we disrespect and sin sometimes, you still love us a lot??”

ME: “Yes, of course!”

ALYANNA: “You love us just the same??? Still a lot?? It won’t change?? It won’t become less??”

ME: “Yes, nga…why are you asking?” (Is this a trap?? Are they prepping me? Is she about to tell me she did something terrible?)

ALYANNA: “Nothing. I’m just asking because you keep telling us that you love us. That’s what you keep saying to me and Mike all the time— that you love us…. that even if we disobey, you love us. How come??”

ME: “Aahh…because you know, I myself have received and experienced God’s unconditional love.”

ALYANNA: (as expected) “Huh???? What does that mean??”

ME: “It means that even before pa, when I didn’t love God yet, He already loved me. Even if sometimes I disobey Him, He still loves me….so that same love that God gives me, that teaches me and enables me to love you also— even if sometimes you don’t obey me. Because of Jesus, God loves us whether or not we are nice or even when we sin, so now we are also able to love others the same way. We love others even if they do not do what we want sometimes. Do you understand?”

ALYANNA: “Ah, so….when I become a mommy na, I should love my babies the way you love us?”

ME: “Well, yes…but even if you’re not a mommy yet (secret thought: And please! Let it be a looooong time before you become one!!)….you can actually practice loving this way— with Mika, with us, with your friends… Sometimes we all do something that you don’t like, right? Or like when Mika fights you? Then that’s a perfect time to practice asking God to help you love her even if you don’t want to.”

*Mika then entered the room, crying that she got a boo-boo….ending the conversation* I’m guessing Alyanna breathed a sigh of relief here.

I’m sure that at the back of every child’s mind, there is that longing to be assured of our love and acceptance. We have to make sure that even as we discipline and correct them for their misbehavior and wrong attitudes, we communicate that they are loved and accepted, not on the basis of their performance. We want to communicate that the premise of our love for them is not even our  capacity to love, because even that is unstable as long as we called humans. Rather, we love because we understand that God’s love enables us to love others as well, even if we don’t really feel like it.

Thank you Lord, for loving me, even if more often than not, I am not so lovable. A lot of times, I am selfish and I disobey. Yet even then, you love me; You see Christ’s righteousness in me. I pray that you will help me to love my spouse, love my kids, love everyone around me with this same love that I have received. Help me to see them the way you do. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Enjoy the rest of the week!