Archive for the ‘parenting’ Category

How to Maximize Technology

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010
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Before anything else, I’d like to point out that we still don’t have internet in our new home, and that’s the main reason why it’s been taking me forever to post updates. :( Almost everyday, I think of something and I go “Oh, I have to write this!”, only to be reminded that I won’t be able to. For some reason, my brain goes on protest whenever I try writing using Microsoft Word. I think it still equates it with the many sleepless nights of writing papers way back in college that now it refuses to function even for “leisure” sake.

The other night Dennis and I decided that it might be best not to have internet at home. The office is just a few minutes away so it is easy to go online if ever the need arises. We thought about the many things we could do instead of spending time online— we could read more, communicate better, play with the kids without any tempting distractions….in short, we will be more fruitful with our time. We were both convinced and we were in agreement in this particular decision.

And then we woke up the next day. Dennis told me he realized that we actually need to have internet at home since a big part of our lives is connected to being online. We both love to blog, we get connected and keep in touch with other people through the social networking sites, we have an online bookstore…so yes, it actually is a “necessity” if you look at it from that perspective (Of course you and I both know we would actually survive without it!).

I still want to be more fruitful, though. I still want to be able to read more, to communicate with my family better, to spend more quality time with the kids without any distractions. I want to be up-to-date in today’s world, yet still be old-fashioned with how I spend my time with my family. As the Bible puts it (in a different context, but I think it’s still applicable in this case), “It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid all extremes .” (Ecclesiastes 7:18)

I guess it all goes back to reminding myself of my priorities, and being DELIBERATE in making sure I practice what I put on paper.

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”, right?

Let’s put this in practice. I shall list down the things I plan on doing and not doing in order to make the best out of having technology, and not let technology get the best of me.

1. God first.

I am reminded of this question from one of our pastors: “Are you quicker to answer a phone call or a message from Facebook than you are in picking up your Bible and hearing from God?”

2. My husband second.

How guilty I am of often thinking it’s okay for me to stay online since my husband can also go and be online anyway. I will make an extra effort to shut down my computer so as not to shut out my husband.

3. My kids next.

It’s amazing how fast time flies when you’re browsing through the net! You spend an hour only to realize there really wasn’t much that you’ve accomplished; nothing really life-changing that you’ve done. If you have only spent it playing with your kids instead, you would have already planted seeds of character in their hearts that will bear much fruit in the future. So here’s the action plan:

I shall use my laptop only when the kids are asleep.

4. My household after the kids.

Oh, even if they are asleep, I still have to make sure all my household chores for the day are done.

5. Last (and yes, the least)– internet.

Okay, so now I am online. It’s a good break especially for someone who stays home most of the time. I still have to always keep in mind the reason why I go online in the first place. It is to grow as a person– through the knowledge gained from the internet, through the many resources and references available– and to grow in my relationships– by getting connected and keeping in touch, by blogging, by “saving” time on some chores and tasks so I can better allot my time… I AM TO GROW every time I go online. If I am failing to achieve this, time to sign out.

At the risk of sounding redundant, I say it again:

I will make the best out of technology, and will make every effort in not letting technology get the best of me. :)

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Posted in God-moments, home making, household tips, marriage, parenting | 2 Comments »

You Must Teach Your Baby to Read

Saturday, August 21st, 2010
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Lately I have been having these thoughts….

…..I guess you can call them apprehensions? Concerns? I’m not really sure what to call them, but they are all in line with the thought of me not being able to stick to a certain routine for the past months. I know I sound like a broken record with this “routine” thing, but it really is a pressing concern I am facing now, especially since I am the type who thrives on having routine.

Some very well-meaning family members have expressed their concern over how Alyanna and Mikaela might be lagging behind in their “skills” since I haven’t had the time to “teach” them anything the past months. Well, if you think of teaching as something that can only transpire in a classroom setting, or only when the teacher (in my case, moi) and the student are going through a particular academic material or lesson plan, then that presumption would be true. It would be true that I have failed to teach my children. It would be true that I should feel pressured to double up my efforts in teaching them so they can somehow “catch up”.

BUT then again, I also have to remember that I have been teaching them even as we just play together and enjoy one another. I have been teaching them even by just conversing with them. More importantly, I have to remember that they are still so young!!!

Mika’s two and a half, Alyanna is four and a half… Young!!

Sadly, for a moment there I have succumbed to society’s measure of good parenting. My kids have to be able to read by three. My kids all have to be exclusively breastfed until seven (hehe I’m exaggerating of course, but you get what I mean….BTW, I am FOR breastfeeding! Try with all that you have to be able to!). My baby should be potty trained by two. My toddler should know all the colors, all the shapes, should be able to count in at least two languages, and could count backwards…..You get the picture I’m trying to paint, right??

Society has led us to believe that if we want to set our kids up for success in life, we have to bombard them with all the education and “brain stimulation”   at the earliest age possible. Again, I am for brain stimulation, and I am (now I am willing to admit it) a nerd who loves academic stuff, but to be trapped in a certain degree of fear just because some of us do not have the luxury of enrolling our young children to the best preschools or buying the latest educational toys is simply WRONG.

Do we remember what it was like when we were three or four years old? Were we ever pressured to memorize so much material and read at a very early age and perform academically?

No wonder I see spas that offer “de-stress” services for children!

……I’m sorry. Everything I just said was not really what I planned to say. Hehe. :)

What I really wanted to say is this:

Lately I have been having some guilty feelings  because I haven’t really been able to sit down with my children and follow my intended lesson plans and curriculum, and I’ve been having fears of how they might perform academically because of this so-called lack of teaching and learning. I lifted all this up to God in prayer and here is the one thing that He has impressed in my heart in response to all this:

It has been my grace from the very beginning of your parenting. It will be my grace still, that will carry you and your children through…until the very end.

Sabi ko nga Lord. :)

Thank you for your GRACE. :)

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Posted in God-moments, child discipline, family, mothers, parenting, parenting help | 7 Comments »

Irreducible Minimums

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010
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Moving from a three-storey house to a three-bedroom condo unit is quite a challenge, especially when you are blessed with a mother who loves giving you stuff.

Since we got married, my mom has always had this habit of finding something for us, convincing herself that it is something we MIGHT just need sometime within the decade, and then buying it and shipping it over to our house. When we had kids, all the more my mom wanted to give us things so she could hear that her grandchildren had a “wow” moment over something new that she has just bought for them.

This is something I am most grateful for, especially since we cannot really afford to buy a lot of the things we want, but now I am faced with the challenging task of purging all my stuff and learning to live with irreducible minimums.

“Irreducible minimums.”

This is what we always have to repeat to ourselves if we want to progress in our quest for a less cluttered household. Every time we start sorting out our things and letting go, there is always that temptation of “I MIGHT need this someday”, even though in most cases that “someday” never comes and we know it. When we find ourselves stuck while in the process of purging, this question would come in handy:

“What are the irreducible minimums?”

I got this concept of irreducible minimums at a teaching training a few years back. The technical definition for this term is something that is impossible to reduce to a desired, simpler, or smaller form or amount.We were reminded to stick to the irreducible minimums when it comes to teaching and speaking in public. Oftentimes, there are way too many things we want to say, so much so that we overwhelm our audience and they end up not remembering anything from our session.

I love how this concept applies to most areas of our lives, not just in public speaking.

Whenever we try to teach our kids a new concept, we have to try to stick to the irreducible minimums so they can better grasp and remember the new things we teach them.

If we are to prioritize and fix our schedules, we have to narrow down all our engagements to the irreducible minimums so we do not stretch ourselves too thin and lose focus on the things that really matter.

Whenever we find ourselves in a discussion with our spouse (or anyone else for that matter), it is always wiser to stick to the irreducible minimums with our words. As the Bible says it, “When words are many, sin is not absent…” (Proverbs 10:19).

In organizing and decluttering our household, again we have to think through all our stuff and decide which are the ones that we really cannot live without, the irreducible minimums. Everything else falls into the “nice-to-have” category.

In our lives, what are the irreducible minimums we know we need to accomplish or to have so at the end of it all we can say we have lived abundantly and to the best of our abilities? Do we live each day accordingly?

Irreducible minimums.

I’m sure by now you get the concept. :)

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Posted in family, health and wellness, home making, household tips, marriage, parenting, parenting help | 7 Comments »

Top Five Lessons from Moving

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010
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Heehee!

Okay, NOW my excuse for not writing a single entry over the last couple of days is because of the house-move. I have been going back and forth almost everyday, trying to fix whatever I can so we can finally move in to the new house.

Huu-whhhaatt??!? You’re too slow Thammie! I thought you’ve moved in a month ago???

Whoa! Before you judge me, let me explain!

I have had no helper whatsoever so I have been doing all the cleaning and arranging and moving around of all the furniture all by myself! (Well, the moving around part… actually that’s Dennis….I just wanted to sound like a superwoman. Hahaha!)

But yes, that’s really why I have been taking so long. Add to that the fact that simultaneous to all the moving and arranging, I’m having some repainting jobs done, plus the shelves and some cabinets are still being constructed as we speak.

The good news, though, is that I think by tonight I can get at least ONE room of the new place clean enough for us to have our first sleep-over! Woohoo!!! I am so excited to move in to the new place. I have been living like a nomad for a few months now, and though I love the idea of having no household responsibilities and not having to think about what to feed the family daily, I would not trade having my own place to call home for anything in the world.

Here are some of the main things I have learned (or have been reminded of) over the past couple of weeks:

1. Go for “progress”, not “perfect”.

I have to keep repeating this to myself. I have a tendency to perfect the details and sweat the small stuff, and then later on realize I’ve been spending too much time on one thing and haven’t made any real progress!

2. Small is big.

This can apply to so many things. Every small thing you acquire adds big time to clutter; Every “cheap” thing you put into the cart adds up to a big amount at the check-out counter; every small gesture of generosity refreshes someone else in a big way…small is big.

3. Slow is fast. (and labeling really is a homemaker’s best friend!)

Initially I felt that I was kind of slow because I had to be so detailed in labeling all our things, but oh wow…because I have tons of boxes and sacks, I CANNOT imagine how it would be like if I didn’t take the time to label everything carefully. The unpacking is so much faster because of that system.

4.  The urgent will always seem to be the most important.

But often, it is not the case.

There were a lot of times when Dennis and I had to stop taking care of the renovation and house move because our daughters would start to remind us of the lack of time we have been spending with them.

It is so easy to get caught up with what the concerns that are screaming “urgent!!!” that we sometimes forget to listen to the cries of those that are really important.

5. When God told husbands and wives to “leave and cleave”, He really had our best interests in mind.

I am super thankful….beyond words….for the kindness shown by my in-laws. They have been so generous and patient with us. We stayed there for over a month and it really was a lot easier for us especially since I could leave the kids there and not have to worry about them inhaling all the dust (and messing up the already-messy place) and pretty much not have to worry about anything else but the move. BUT like I said, I would not trade living with my husband and kids in our own place for any of the convenience and benefits of living with our parents. It’s really just different….a good kind of different. :)

******

Okay, there’s really more than five points that I want to share, but I’m afraid I’ll stop at seven of eight….and I always prefer my lists to be divisible by five. :D So for now, that’s it. :) I have to get back to cleaning up. :)

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TV Interview: On nanny and modern day parenting

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010
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The Guilty Mother

Thursday, June 17th, 2010
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Wow. I feel like I’ve been out of touch with civilization for a long time! (Well, it has been quite some time actually.) I was surprised to see that it’s been a week since I last dropped by.

Let’s see….so many stories to tell, so many blogs to write! Where do I start??

Oh! I can start by letting you know how glad I am to finally be back home, “reunited” with my love! (eep! cheesy!) Haha! One thing Dennis said when I got back was “Hindi na mauulit ‘to ha.” (This can not happen again.– emphasis intended) My trip was the longest one away from Dennis to date, and both of us are in agreement that we have no intention of breaking that record.

I have to admit that since I took a long break from reality as I know it  (and from writing for that matter), it’s quite a struggle to get my brain to start working again. I told my good friend Belle the other day how guilty I’ve been feeling since I got back, because I feel that I really didn’t deserve the break I just had. I mean, I don’t really work as one would normally define “work”. Also, I’ve been feeling like I haven’t been teaching Alyanna and Mika anything that a hardworking, structured mom would, in a formal, structured setting. It’s so tempting to condemn myself for not only failing to do those things, but for not being able to blog, too! — Even if the main reason why I wasn’t able to set aside the time was because I just spent time with the kids and some of my in-laws in a place where there was no internet and no gadgets to distract me.

I am thankful for friends who knock me on the head when there’s a need to. My friend simply told me to stop feeling guilty, period. I listened and told myself the same thing:

Stop it!

Ooh, don’t I always hear myself say that to my kids. I tell you, it does help to tell ourselves the same thing at times.

Having talked to other moms, I have found that this guilty feeling is not as uncommon as I thought it was. I’ve always thought that it’s just me who has these guilt moments, when it seems that the most appealing thing to do is to sit and sulk about how I have failed to do what I was supposed to, how I have failed to measure up to the expectations that I have set for myself, based on what I think are other people’s expectations of me.

When I snap at my kids when they get all rowdy and for some reason do not have the ability at that time to obey me at once…..I’m tempted to feel guilty.

When I let them watch TV longer than what is recommended by the many childhood experts…..I’m tempted to feel guilty.

When the last time they got to sit and “study” in a classroom-simulated setting was….uh…..way too far back that I don’t even remember when the last time really was…. I’m tempted to  feel guilty.

When my two-year old still doesn’t know that indigo is also one of the colors of the rainbow, because I never took the time to show her the chart about rainbows…. I’m tempted to feel guilty.

When I eat more than I should, as I always do….I’m tempted to feel guilty. (Obviously, it stays that way– just tempted, but never enough to make me do something about it! haha!)

I could go on and on and talk about things that make me feel guilty. Most would most likely sound trivial, while some could also be really serious, valid concerns. Again, I just have to stop it.

Moms, I can say that our generation now is very blessed, in a sense that a lot of us are able to choose to stay at home and really be with our kids 24/7. I remember chancing upon a particular site a few months back that considered being a stay-at-home mom as an occupation. There is truth to it. As moms, we are on-call anytime, every time….any day, everyday. It is precisely for this reason that we can expect to “fail” to meet the bar at some point, sometimes.

Let’s admit it. We are not perfect and can never be. We have set the standard for “good motherhood” too high, because our well-meaning selves really just want nothing but the best for our kids. The truth of it all though, is that if we forever go after that “World’s Best Mommy” award, we most probably will just end up tired and again, guilty and frustrated with ourselves.

As my good friend puts it, “We can never be the best mom in the world, but we can be the best we can be as moms.”

So when after reading this, you once again feel tempted to feel guilty for staying on the internet longer than you should have, stop it.

Just stop it, forgive yourself, and move on.

Try again. :)

And then you can once again be reminded of God’s grace.

Thank you Lord, for your grace is sufficient for me as I parent my children, and that your power in them (and in me) is made perfect in my weakness. :)

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Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010
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My two daughters are very different in many ways. One is very calculated, while the other is more care-free. One is so concerned with staying away from germs, while it seems that the other has no concept of clean vs dirty, no matter how many times I over-react when i see her touching (and eating) anything germ-infested. I could go on and on about their differences, but that’s really not what I wish to dwell on now.

There is one thing that’s common for both of them, and I guess kids in general. Kids generally like the feeling of being in control. I initially thought it was a birth-order thing when I first noticed this behavior in my firstborn. I assumed that being the eldest, Alyanna instinctively had that urge to be over-protective of her little sister. I might have been right. It may in part be because of birth order. But I am also starting to see this behavior in my younger daughter. Sometimes she even acts as if she’s the boss over her Atsi (older sister)!

Most of the fights they have are usually caused by their desire to lord it over the other.  Both like to decide what to do with a particular toy. Both like to dictate how to dress their doll up, or who they want their doll to represent. Both like to impose their own rules in a certain game. Both get frustrated if their rules are not followed (since both end up playing by their own rules). Both insist on having their way still and would fight for their cause no matter what it takes— nagging, whining, or crying. Both eventually make a statement that they don’t like playing with each other when they can’t convince or get the other sibling to change her mind.

I wish I could say that this control craving applies only to kids. But we take one look at our world today, and we see that it is filled with people who desire to control other people, who desire to control the circumstances surrounding them. I admit that it is my belief that a part of the reason why God commanded us wives to submit to our husbands is because us women too have a natural tendency to want to control our husbands and get our own way. Most men also desire to get on top of their game and get to a position of power to be able to control those under them. I would like to think the recent campaigning and elections were really about public service, but we have to admit that a lot of it also has to do with people wanting to gain control over others.

I don’t mean to say that this desire to control is bad. I do think, however, that if channeled at the wrong things and for the wrong reasons, it is. I also am not really sure where this natural desire to control stems from. IF I see this behavior again in my third and fourth kids (in the FUTURE), then I can really conclude that it really is not a birth-order thing.

I am inclined to believe that this is actually a part of how God has wired us. In a way, it is what sets us apart from other primates– our desire and ability to control. Where we must channel our energies on, though, is not on the desire part, but on the ability.

This is what we are to remind ourselves and what we are to teach our children:  We cannot  control everyone around us. We cannot always have things our way in our relationships. We cannot control the circumstances that life presents us with. We do, however, have the power and the ability to control ourselves.  We have the power to choose to love unconditionally even when things don’t go our way. We can control how we respond to things and how we behave. Hopefully, as we gain good control over ourselves, as we are able to govern ourselves as we should, we would somehow be able to influence others positively, too. :)

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My Sleeping Act

Sunday, April 25th, 2010
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Over the last hour I have been lying in bed with the kids, in a very dark room, waiting for them to fall asleep (right up to the time I started writing this post, of course). Usually, it’s Dennis who does this (since he usually gets to spend quality time with the kids mostly during night time) and I go do whatever it is I have planned to do for the day but never got to because I had to take care of the kids… Say for example,to relax, read, write, or plan…do household management stuff..or anything that had to be done without my brain having to pause and divert to answering-unanswerable-four-year-old-type-of-questions mode every 30 seconds.

For the past three weeks Dennis and I have been sleeping in the girls’ room since our aircon has decided to conk out on us— such wonderful timing, too, as the summer heat has just upped its level! Anyway, they say it only takes 21 days to form a habit. Well, it’s been 21 days and counting since we have been sleeping in one room with the kids, and can I just say, they didn’t even need the 21 days to get used to the idea of sleeping in one bed with us! So now that Dennis isn’t home, I have to be the one to pretend to sleep and wait until they do (Side note: Dennis doesn’t have to pretend. He has no trouble sleeping, then waking up, then going back to sleep. I, on the other hand, simply cannot go back to sleep if I do get to fall asleep and have to wake up in the middle of the night).

As I was doing my sleeping act, I realized that I could always choose to think thoughts like “Hurry up and sleep please! I have to go do other things!” or  “What a waste of time, pretending to sleep…I could be doing this and that now so that I could actually get some real sleep sooner.” Admittedly, sometimes I do fall into the trap of thinking like this. And then I’d have to rebuke myself. I have to remind myself that I only have a few years to savor this time when my kids would DEMAND that I sleep beside them and hold their hands until they fall asleep.

The truth is, those chores that I am not able to do because I have to do pretend-sleep would not even impact my life significantly. Life would still go on and the household would still run smoothly whether or not I get to do them. But only God knows how these seemingly-insignificant times I spend pretend-sleeping while holding their hands would impact my children’s lives. I do not know how much of a difference I am making now, but I do know that I will look back years from now, and be glad for every decision I have made to choose them over chores. I know that I am imprinting something in their hearts that will significantly mold the kind of women that they would grow up to become. I know that the simple acts we do to communicate that they come first before other “important stuff” would contribute greatly in raising up secure individuals who know that they are loved unconditionally, know what it means to love selflessly, and would have the capacity to give love generously. :)

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My Morning at ANC

Thursday, January 7th, 2010
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Talk about a way to start a whole new me in a whole new world this whole new year! :)

Yesterday, I appeared on live television for the very first time. LIVE. One-on-one. Impromptu. TV… Everything that would easily give me more than enough reasons to go with my natural inclination to just shrink back and stay in my comfort zone. Everything would be so much easier for me if i just say no, right? But I didn’t shrink back. I did it. Instead of getting undisturbed sleep and waking up relaxed I chose what I consider to be a very tension-filled path. I chose to say yes. Please don’t ask me why because I really do not know. :)

Everything happened so fast, really. I was about to have a lovely dinner date with my husband, when I got a call from Wendie of ANC. I couldn’t really hear her so well. Now, I’m not sure if it was really noisy, or if there was something wrong with my phone, or if it was just my subconscious really not wanting to hear properly. :) Anyway, all I understood was if I was willing to be interviewed on ANC about parenting. At that point I found myself saying yes and asking Wendie if she could text me the details of the show (it really was hard to hear her). Embarrassing as it may be, I really had no clue about the show since we don’t have cable at home. As soon as I put down the phone, I told dennis “Did I just say yes??? Why did I do that???”…but then I thought it couldn’t be that bad, anyway they’d be taping then editing it, and there would probably be someone in the panel who would dominate the conversation and I’d have no chance to speak so I’d be safe, they might even already give me a set of guide questions to prepare me for the interview….and then I received Wendie’s text message. It was to be aired live, there would be no panel…..which meant I would have to speak and I would not be safe after all…and the worst thing, no guide questions!! Why in the world did I say yes??!!?

Still, I knew if I backed out something inside me wouldn’t shut up. There would always be that voice saying “what if??”. I have been asking God to use me in whatever way He wanted, to use even my blogs to somehow help other moms and women. I have told God numerous times to stretch me and increase my level of faith in Him…so it just wouldn’t make much sense for me to not think of this as something that God has orchestrated.

To make the long story short, I stuck by my decision and started my day yesterday with the very unreal scene of an ABS-CBN vehicle parked outside my house to pick me up (given, I got dressed and read my Bible already). On the way to the studio I texted only a handful of people to pray for me, those who I knew would really pray and more importantly, would not have the chance to watch me live. :D

There were three things I was really worried about: One was not being able to articulate myself well, another was not being able to say what I’m supposed to say (what they’d ask me and what God would want me to answer), and third was how I’d look since I’ve been sleeping at 2 or 3 AM for the past month, up until the other night. Ladies, you can very well relate to the third concern right?? pimples! eyebags! Oh my…!!!

When I got there, I went into the make-up room. At this point I was still hoping that they’d prep me about the whole flow of the interview and that I’d get to meet the host, Lexi Schulze before the start of the show. Well, I did get to meet Lexi, but it was right before the interview itself. It was during the break, when I already had to put on my mic and get ready to go on air. Still, the question, Why did you have to say yes??!? was on my mind. I think I even said it out loud at some point.

Oh yes. I almost forgot I said I was going to make the story short. Sorry.

So there, I found myself sitting in front of the camera, in front of Lexi Schulze, answering questions and sharing stories…it was all so vague….and then before I knew it the longest fifteen minutes of my life was over! It was finished and I survived. The interview was over, I was off the air…and I was still alive! :)

Until now, I really do not know why I said yes. And you know what? I think there would be more times when I would have to say yes to something and not understand why. I know there would be more moments when God would have me say yes to something I dread or am fearful of. There would be more instances wherein God would put in situations I am not comfortable with, in places I prefer not to be in, and perhaps even with people I would much rather not be with. But I think it would all be in answer to that prayer I so often utter, “Lord, increase my level of faith in you. Stretch my faith. Deepen my passion for you and your purposes. Mold me and use me however, wherever, whenever you desire. Help me to think about myself less, and live for you more and more.”

I told Dennis this was really not the best time for me to say yes to God and to step out in faith and say yes to being interviewed. I felt that my mind was not sharp, I felt I looked terrible from all the sleepless nights, I felt exhausted… not at all the best time because I was not at my best self. But then again I realized, this was not about me looking good, this was about me obeying God. And that’s really all there is to it. It is when we stop thinking about how we feel that God uses us beyond our imagination. :)

Allow me to share some words of encouragement I got from the handful who knew:

“Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him,
for he shields him all day long,
and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.” -Deutoronomy 33:12

“You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” – Isaiah 26:3

What a way to infuse peace and faith :) thank you so much!

* Thank you to Michelle Orosa, who went to the studio to support me (and take pictures!)…and for the word you texted. I appreciate you.

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The Fear Factor

Sunday, May 17th, 2009
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It’s fascinating how our children, though they grow up in the same environment and interact with the same people, still end up with different personalities. Even by just looking at Alyanna and Mikaela (our one year-old), one can already see how different they are. Alyanna is very talkative, is into studying the details of things around her, and is very calculated with her ways. Mika, on the other hand, is the quiet type (so far!), is into watching the people around her, and is not as cautious and calculated as Alyanna. She can roll around our bed and could not care less about falling off the edge. I guess we could say that though Alyanna has Dennis’ looks, she is very much like me, and vise versa.

When Alyanna was a toddler, I appreciated the fact that she and I were so much alike– especially in the area of being cautious. I loved how I never had to warn her about not touching the electric fan and the electrical outlets, not opening drawers, and about how she should not just mouth everything in sight. I loved the thought of not having to worry about her getting injured or sick from “carelessness”.

Mika is just the opposite. I always have to watch her and be ready to tell her “no!” everytime she would try to touch the fan, lick the electrical outlets (yes, LICK!), open and close drawers, and mouth almost everything she sees. She loves to explore with all five senses! Ever since she could move on her own, I was so sure she would be the adventurous and daring type.

Lately, however, I’ve noticed that Mika has been more “fearful” of falling and getting hurt. I know that she is already physically capable of walking on her own, but somehow she freezes and cries everytime I try to let go of one hand (while still being held with the other one) and let her take a few steps. Lately she would not want to go down the bed on her own for fear of “missing” the floor even though she has been able to since she was 11 months old. I realized that this fearless little baby is slowly turning into a very calculated toddler as well–because of me!
Unintentionally, I’ve been teaching her to be fearful, all the while thinking I was just trying to “protect” her from unnecessary accidents.

I realized that though fear is a God-given instinct to us moms (thus making us quick to discern harmful situations), we have to make sure we are able to take control of this instinct and channel it wisely and well within balance. On one hand, we want to protect our children from danger, yet on the other hand, we do not want to cripple them by overly protecting them. There’s a fine line between being careful and being fearful. Being careful is when we take the NECESSARY steps to avoid the negative effects of what is PRESENT and REAL, while being fearful is when we take all precautionary steps –necessary and unnecessary — to avoid all outcomes of what MIGHT happen.

I don’t want my kids to miss LIFE just because they are afraid of what MIGHT happen. This means I myself should live life not constantly being afraid of them getting hurt, but always being reminded that we have a Heavenly Father who loves them much more than I ever could and who would take care of them and keep watch over them even at the times when I couldn’t. :)

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