“You are loved!”

This phrase has been going around within our circle of friends lately. At first it was just to joke around and tease our good friend Nove Ann Tan since this was one thing she would ALWAYS tell almost every person she encountered. I say it with no exaggeration– almost every. single. person.

To a world that’s not used to this kind of mush anymore, one might respond by just brushing it off, or by replying with “uh, yeah. uh..thanks…?” and of course, a sweet and polite smile. On the other hand, if you say this to someone who’s been in church for quite some time, he/she would probably respond with a confident “Yes! Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so! Thanks for the reminder!” and again, a sweet sweet smile.

What started out as a way of teasing this friend of ours, has now ended up as a part of our usual interaction at home and in church. “You are loved” is now a phrase that one would so often hear, whether I am having a heart-to-heart talk with my girls, or if I just want to lighten up someone’s mood.

This morning Mika dropped something she knew was of some value (sentimental value, I mean). Her immediate reaction was to look at me, awaiting my horrified response. That would have been my reflex, but for some reason I just told her “It’s okay Mika. You are loved!” *and I flashed a Close-Up smile*   …To this she went about doing whatever it was she was doing, as if nothing happened.

But something significant did happen. Mika was just reassured that she is, in fact, loved.

In truth, this is actually what most of us need to be reassured of– that we are loved. We are loved by our Heavenly Father, the God who created the entire universe…and He loves us unconditionally…and sacrificially.

If only all of us would grasp this truth completely– that we are loved– there would be more people who are so secure in their relationships and less people sucking the life out of their partners.

“You are loved“– if only more wives heard this from their husbands, and vice versa, how wonderful and much much sweeter marriages would be!

“You are loved”– if only more children heard this from their parents, how secure they would be growing up!

“You are loved”– if only more teenagers heard this as they were growing up, they wouldn’t be trying so hard just to fit in and find their place in this world!

“You are loved“– if only we could all understand and experience this truth fully, imagine how liberating it will be! We could live our lives not having to worry about what will happen in the future, because we know that our future is secure in God’s hands, who promises that His will for us is good, pleasing, and perfect. We could live our lives not hesitant to step out into what we are called to do because we know we have a Heavenly Father who goes before us and who has our back, who will never leave us nor forsake us. We could give up what God wants us to let go of, and embrace whatever it is He wants to give us, because we know that God loves us to the point of sending us His only Son as a sacrifice and substitute for our sins.

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13 )

So now friends, I am saying this to you, too… “You are loved.” And I’m saying this with a prayer that you too, will really experience the fullness of God’s love thereby experiencing the fullness of what this life has to offer. In addition, I pray that as you fully grasp this love, you too will be able to live your life spreading this love to those around you.

Share the love!

photo: Carina Santos, Flickr.com

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Jan. 16, 2011

I was having dinner with my cousins a few nights ago and one of them mentioned a term that was new to me — tiangge advice.

Wha–?? Huh??

Tiangge advice– according to my cousin’s definition, this pertains to advice we often hear that seem so profound and well thought of, yet if you really think about it, are actually worthless. It’s the term for the kind of advice that people just give for the sake of having something to say, or perhaps for the sake of sounding like they do have something good to say. One would think that he/she has just received some valuable insight, when in actuality, what he/she got was far from having real value. Sadly, this is the kind that we usually receive from most of our well-meaning friends and relatives. Even sadder is most of the time, we just realize that they are not really sound advice only after we have followed them and gotten hurt from doing so.

The reality is that we live in a world that is sold out on tiangge advice.

“Just follow your heart.”

“The heart knows not where it wants to go, but in the end it will lead you to where you need to go.” (haha! I just totally made this up! So tiangge!)

“Kung nagkasala ka na rin, panindigan mo na. Tuloy mo na. Anjan na eh.”

“When love is not madness, it is not love.”

“As long as you’re not hurting anyone, it’s okay to do as you please…”

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it is better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

These all sound wise and deep, and sometimes even noble. But the last time I checked, the world is full of hurting people who followed these words of wisdom.

I have to admit, these tiangge advice are really phrased well. I can’t blame the people who end up following them. I mean, if I hadn’t known any better, I myself would not just be following, but I’d be giving out the same kind of advice! This makes me scared… What about my kids?? what kind of advice will they be hearing and receiving years from now? Ukay advice?? The idea of this happening is not so unlikely you know, and when that happens, what then?? Will my kids be ready to discern what is right and what is wrong? Will they be able to tell the difference from what sounds right and what sounds good from what is right and what is good? Will they be able to give a counter-offer of real quality, valuable, and time-tested advice?

I hope so. I pray to God that they will be able to.

One thing we can count on is that that kind of wisdom and discernment wouldn’t come from thin air. Nor will it come from some built-in intuition, and especially not from the world that’s surrounding them (we’ve established that the world is full of tiangge advice right??). No, if we want our children to have the wisdom and the ability to discern and even give sound advice, we have to be deliberate in teaching them Biblical advice. We have to make the effort to teach them what the Bible has to say about all the many different issues they face or will face. They have to know that the Bible is the final authority in all matters of life. They have to understand how God’s Word translates to their daily concerns, and appreciate how relevant it is in their lives.

“Do not let this book of the law depart from your mouth. Meditate on it meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful….” Joshua 1:8

“Teach to your children , talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up…” Deuteronomy 11:19

“Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path…” Psalm 119:105

“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness…” 2 Timothy 3:16

If we are faithful to do this, then once our children start hearing tiangge advice, they would know better. They won’t just buy in to whatever is being handed to them. More than that, they’d be ready to offer the kind of advice that the world really needs to hear.

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Prov. 4:23

“All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation…” 2 Cor. 5:18

“You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Cor. 6:19-20

“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” 2 Cor. 13:11

I’m back from our mini-getaway and wouldn’t you know it, the kids are fine!

The best thing I like about these little set-apart times is that we go back to our kids as closer partners and (hopefully) better parents.

It really doesn’t hurt to try to get out of the house once in a while. Again, we have to remember that one of the best gifts we can give our kids is a strong marriage and the security that mom and dad love each other and are committed to each other. We need to have a mindset that the times we spend away from our kids to date our spouses are investments we make that would have implications not just in our lifetime as parents, but would have an impact on how our kids would see and live life, and how they in turn would build their families and raise the next generation.

Moms and dads, I implore you…. if there is any way that you can leave the kids with someone you trust so both of you can spend some time alone, by all means, get out of that house!

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*Cached file…dated 030310

*photo: fineartblog.co.uk

Got this from Ptr. Bernard Marquez.

100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband HIS Way

Author Unknown

Your relationship can be
greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions.

1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with
him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re
trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences
that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate
freely. (Dave Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh
together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him
time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun
instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the
negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often
sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make
the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the
negative if it’s necessary.)
17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your
evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one
to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your
husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to work
on to achieve together so you will both feel closer to each other as a
marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other
times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your
pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Remember that
love protects (1 Corinthians 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when
necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the
family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific
reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording”
it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you
sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s
not there.
43. Share your feelings with him at appropriate times (but keep it brief
when he’s tired—sometimes men can feel “flooded” by too many words).
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private
when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from
work. Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him a few
minutes with the children.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and
pray with him. (Hopefully you can go back to sleep afterwards. If not,
it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a
movie or taking a drive together) without talking. Sometimes men just
like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best
comprehends it.

51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t
crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he
needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between
you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to
men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to
do.
60. Do little things for him— let him sleep in, bring him coffee and/or
breakfast in bed, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at
home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he
wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to
him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do
better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures
instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in
public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t
interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind. (Family’s are spared grief when a
husband isn’t required to read their wife’s mind despite the fact that
the wife thinks he should.)
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff. (He may
view them as more important than you realize.)
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or
illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the
silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with
you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer
leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday
living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in
his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.

——————————————–

* Another cached file from Google. Yey!

*photo: by lonelypluto911

My husband got this from Pastor Rey Clemente. We both had a good laugh reading this, so I’m sharing it with all the wives, too!

** Sorry this is all in Tagalog. I think that if I tried to translate it for the sake of those who do not understand the language, it wouldn’t have the same effect, so I wouldn’t even attempt to do that anymore.

Let’s all learn from this ladies!

Para sa mga Misis:

Hoy Miisis…’lika sandali may sasabihin lang akong mahalaga sa iyo tungkol sa Mister mo. Narito ang mga panuntunang makatutulong sa iyo para mapagawa mo siya ng kahit ano.

1. RESPECT – Mas madaling mapasunod si Mister kung magalang kang mag utos (makisuyo) sa kanya. Instead of saying: Hoy, batugan, wala ka na bang ibang gustong gawin kundi ang manood ng TV etc….Say: Sir, pwede na ba kayong mag laba…Sir? The Bible says, “Wife, see to it that you respect your husband” Eph 5

2. WAIT PATIENTLY FOR RESPONSE – Di mo ba napupuna na hindi agad nag re-act si Mister sa mga sinasabi mo, lalo na’t pag hysterical ka na. Ito ay dahil sa ang mga lalaki ay medyo mabagal talagang mag isip. hindi sya bobo…Pinagiisipan lang nya ng husto ang mga sinasabi mo. Pag may sinabi ka ngayon, posibleng bukas pa siya mag re-act…so Wait ka lang sweetheart….ma ge-gets din nya ang sinasabi mo…hopefully within the next 7 days to a month.

3. DRESS WELL AT HOME – Ang mga G.R.O o Hospitality girls ay ubod ng gaganda….kaya nakukuha nila ang pera ng Mister mo. Suggestion: Maligo at mag pabango, Mag-bihis ng maganda at maging kaakit-akit. Mag lipstik para di ka mukhang multo, at suklaying maayos ang buhok para di ma mukhang bruha….in short, maging mas maganda kaysa mga G.R.O…..Subukan mo ring mag suot ng sexing damit at high-hils…tingnan mo ang epekto sa kanya?

Kahit anong sabihin mo…tyak gagawin nya.

And my free day this month is…was…is….

nada!

tsk.tsk.tsk…

The word I seem to be using a lot this month is “DELIBERATE“.

With all the activities and parties this month, I have to be deliberate in making sure that we and the kids get to to enjoy each other more than we do the parties. I have to be deliberate in making sure that we don’t miss out on the beauty of being still, taking it slow, and just appreciating the love and joy this season brings. I have to be deliberate in sitting down to blog. I have to be deliberate in making sure our scheduled advent nights push through. I have to be deliberate in checking that we are not exceeding our set budget. I have to be deliberate in making sure I get to spend time with my God before the rest of the day becomes chaotic. I have to be deliberate in reminding myself that more than the activities, it is the relationships I have that matter most…specifically my relationship with God.

Yep! My magic word for this month is “deliberate”!

What about you, what’s your magic word?