Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category

How to Maximize Technology

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010
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Before anything else, I’d like to point out that we still don’t have internet in our new home, and that’s the main reason why it’s been taking me forever to post updates. :( Almost everyday, I think of something and I go “Oh, I have to write this!”, only to be reminded that I won’t be able to. For some reason, my brain goes on protest whenever I try writing using Microsoft Word. I think it still equates it with the many sleepless nights of writing papers way back in college that now it refuses to function even for “leisure” sake.

The other night Dennis and I decided that it might be best not to have internet at home. The office is just a few minutes away so it is easy to go online if ever the need arises. We thought about the many things we could do instead of spending time online— we could read more, communicate better, play with the kids without any tempting distractions….in short, we will be more fruitful with our time. We were both convinced and we were in agreement in this particular decision.

And then we woke up the next day. Dennis told me he realized that we actually need to have internet at home since a big part of our lives is connected to being online. We both love to blog, we get connected and keep in touch with other people through the social networking sites, we have an online bookstore…so yes, it actually is a “necessity” if you look at it from that perspective (Of course you and I both know we would actually survive without it!).

I still want to be more fruitful, though. I still want to be able to read more, to communicate with my family better, to spend more quality time with the kids without any distractions. I want to be up-to-date in today’s world, yet still be old-fashioned with how I spend my time with my family. As the Bible puts it (in a different context, but I think it’s still applicable in this case), “It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid all extremes .” (Ecclesiastes 7:18)

I guess it all goes back to reminding myself of my priorities, and being DELIBERATE in making sure I practice what I put on paper.

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”, right?

Let’s put this in practice. I shall list down the things I plan on doing and not doing in order to make the best out of having technology, and not let technology get the best of me.

1. God first.

I am reminded of this question from one of our pastors: “Are you quicker to answer a phone call or a message from Facebook than you are in picking up your Bible and hearing from God?”

2. My husband second.

How guilty I am of often thinking it’s okay for me to stay online since my husband can also go and be online anyway. I will make an extra effort to shut down my computer so as not to shut out my husband.

3. My kids next.

It’s amazing how fast time flies when you’re browsing through the net! You spend an hour only to realize there really wasn’t much that you’ve accomplished; nothing really life-changing that you’ve done. If you have only spent it playing with your kids instead, you would have already planted seeds of character in their hearts that will bear much fruit in the future. So here’s the action plan:

I shall use my laptop only when the kids are asleep.

4. My household after the kids.

Oh, even if they are asleep, I still have to make sure all my household chores for the day are done.

5. Last (and yes, the least)– internet.

Okay, so now I am online. It’s a good break especially for someone who stays home most of the time. I still have to always keep in mind the reason why I go online in the first place. It is to grow as a person– through the knowledge gained from the internet, through the many resources and references available– and to grow in my relationships– by getting connected and keeping in touch, by blogging, by “saving” time on some chores and tasks so I can better allot my time… I AM TO GROW every time I go online. If I am failing to achieve this, time to sign out.

At the risk of sounding redundant, I say it again:

I will make the best out of technology, and will make every effort in not letting technology get the best of me. :)

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Posted in God-moments, home making, household tips, marriage, parenting | 2 Comments »

Irreducible Minimums

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010
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Moving from a three-storey house to a three-bedroom condo unit is quite a challenge, especially when you are blessed with a mother who loves giving you stuff.

Since we got married, my mom has always had this habit of finding something for us, convincing herself that it is something we MIGHT just need sometime within the decade, and then buying it and shipping it over to our house. When we had kids, all the more my mom wanted to give us things so she could hear that her grandchildren had a “wow” moment over something new that she has just bought for them.

This is something I am most grateful for, especially since we cannot really afford to buy a lot of the things we want, but now I am faced with the challenging task of purging all my stuff and learning to live with irreducible minimums.

“Irreducible minimums.”

This is what we always have to repeat to ourselves if we want to progress in our quest for a less cluttered household. Every time we start sorting out our things and letting go, there is always that temptation of “I MIGHT need this someday”, even though in most cases that “someday” never comes and we know it. When we find ourselves stuck while in the process of purging, this question would come in handy:

“What are the irreducible minimums?”

I got this concept of irreducible minimums at a teaching training a few years back. The technical definition for this term is something that is impossible to reduce to a desired, simpler, or smaller form or amount.We were reminded to stick to the irreducible minimums when it comes to teaching and speaking in public. Oftentimes, there are way too many things we want to say, so much so that we overwhelm our audience and they end up not remembering anything from our session.

I love how this concept applies to most areas of our lives, not just in public speaking.

Whenever we try to teach our kids a new concept, we have to try to stick to the irreducible minimums so they can better grasp and remember the new things we teach them.

If we are to prioritize and fix our schedules, we have to narrow down all our engagements to the irreducible minimums so we do not stretch ourselves too thin and lose focus on the things that really matter.

Whenever we find ourselves in a discussion with our spouse (or anyone else for that matter), it is always wiser to stick to the irreducible minimums with our words. As the Bible says it, “When words are many, sin is not absent…” (Proverbs 10:19).

In organizing and decluttering our household, again we have to think through all our stuff and decide which are the ones that we really cannot live without, the irreducible minimums. Everything else falls into the “nice-to-have” category.

In our lives, what are the irreducible minimums we know we need to accomplish or to have so at the end of it all we can say we have lived abundantly and to the best of our abilities? Do we live each day accordingly?

Irreducible minimums.

I’m sure by now you get the concept. :)

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Posted in family, health and wellness, home making, household tips, marriage, parenting, parenting help | 7 Comments »

Finding The One

Tuesday, August 17th, 2010
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The following paragraphs are taken from my good friend Ronna’s post on finding “the one”.  This serves as a good reminder both for the single ladies and all the wives reading this (on why we “took the plunge” in the first place).

The elusive search for ‘The One’ we see in TV series, movies, and sometimes even hear from our friends may seem well and good compared to getting in and out of relationships, but I don’t think finding Mr. Right or Ms. Right assures anyone of a strong, happy, and growing marriage. It’s not enough, simply because Mr. Right is still human, no matter how perfect his hair appears to be (trust me, that’s got to have some hair product somewhere!).

Perhaps my thoughts may not be considered valid since I haven’t taken the plunge just yet, but the reason I can even gather the courage to step onto the diving board is because marriage promises selflessness on paper. I assure he who wants to make me his better half, that I will make mistakes. In fact, I can easily, without qualms or difficulty, promise him tons. But I find the confidence to reveal all my imperfections to this “one” because this other imperfect individual will not have to work on a marriage with me simply for me. He will work on it because we’re not going to be the only ones in the boat. I believe that a life-long commitment can work, last, and survive because the commitment is not only made by imperfect humans to other imperfect humans. Rather it is made along and to a perfect God who will be the relationship’s ultimate source of love, forgiveness, new beginnings, and strength. Without him, there is nowhere humans can draw supplies to last a lifetime commitment. And without him, there is no reason to.

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. - 1 Corinthians 13:3-7 MSG

I absolutely love this translation of 1 Corinthians here. :)   Thank you Lord for reminding us of how we should love.





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Top Five Lessons from Moving

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010
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Heehee!

Okay, NOW my excuse for not writing a single entry over the last couple of days is because of the house-move. I have been going back and forth almost everyday, trying to fix whatever I can so we can finally move in to the new house.

Huu-whhhaatt??!? You’re too slow Thammie! I thought you’ve moved in a month ago???

Whoa! Before you judge me, let me explain!

I have had no helper whatsoever so I have been doing all the cleaning and arranging and moving around of all the furniture all by myself! (Well, the moving around part… actually that’s Dennis….I just wanted to sound like a superwoman. Hahaha!)

But yes, that’s really why I have been taking so long. Add to that the fact that simultaneous to all the moving and arranging, I’m having some repainting jobs done, plus the shelves and some cabinets are still being constructed as we speak.

The good news, though, is that I think by tonight I can get at least ONE room of the new place clean enough for us to have our first sleep-over! Woohoo!!! I am so excited to move in to the new place. I have been living like a nomad for a few months now, and though I love the idea of having no household responsibilities and not having to think about what to feed the family daily, I would not trade having my own place to call home for anything in the world.

Here are some of the main things I have learned (or have been reminded of) over the past couple of weeks:

1. Go for “progress”, not “perfect”.

I have to keep repeating this to myself. I have a tendency to perfect the details and sweat the small stuff, and then later on realize I’ve been spending too much time on one thing and haven’t made any real progress!

2. Small is big.

This can apply to so many things. Every small thing you acquire adds big time to clutter; Every “cheap” thing you put into the cart adds up to a big amount at the check-out counter; every small gesture of generosity refreshes someone else in a big way…small is big.

3. Slow is fast. (and labeling really is a homemaker’s best friend!)

Initially I felt that I was kind of slow because I had to be so detailed in labeling all our things, but oh wow…because I have tons of boxes and sacks, I CANNOT imagine how it would be like if I didn’t take the time to label everything carefully. The unpacking is so much faster because of that system.

4.  The urgent will always seem to be the most important.

But often, it is not the case.

There were a lot of times when Dennis and I had to stop taking care of the renovation and house move because our daughters would start to remind us of the lack of time we have been spending with them.

It is so easy to get caught up with what the concerns that are screaming “urgent!!!” that we sometimes forget to listen to the cries of those that are really important.

5. When God told husbands and wives to “leave and cleave”, He really had our best interests in mind.

I am super thankful….beyond words….for the kindness shown by my in-laws. They have been so generous and patient with us. We stayed there for over a month and it really was a lot easier for us especially since I could leave the kids there and not have to worry about them inhaling all the dust (and messing up the already-messy place) and pretty much not have to worry about anything else but the move. BUT like I said, I would not trade living with my husband and kids in our own place for any of the convenience and benefits of living with our parents. It’s really just different….a good kind of different. :)

******

Okay, there’s really more than five points that I want to share, but I’m afraid I’ll stop at seven of eight….and I always prefer my lists to be divisible by five. :D So for now, that’s it. :) I have to get back to cleaning up. :)

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Coping with Change

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010
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Thammie Sy, Reporting for duty! :)

I guess you can call our lifestyle as nomadic for the past month. Everything has been somewhat unstable for us since the start of the summer. To recap, our helper got pregnant and had to leave, our other helper got sick and eventually also had to leave, we got a temporary labandera (who made it clear early on that she was only going to work for us for a month, which made it difficult for me to trust her), our aircon broke down right when the  heat was at its peak so we all had to squeeze into our kids’ bedroom, I almost got dropped from my class since I was unable to  report (having no one to leave the kids with), our temp finally left, we decided to stay over at my in-laws house for a week so I can attend my classes again (and leave the kids with them), we stayed in two different rooms over  a period of only a couple of days, and now….I’m in Cagayan de Oro! We just flew in today. Whew!

One thing I’m not really all that excited about, is having to cope with change. If it were up to me, I would love for things and routines to stay the same. It usually takes me some time to get settled into a particular routine and get comfortable with new things.

I am  now reminded of the story about Moses and the Israelites, when they exited Egypt. They were given instructions to stay in one place when they saw the pillar of cloud settle, and pack up and leave as soon as the cloud was lifted. How difficult that must have been for the homemakers and mothers at that time! Imagine not knowing how long you had to stay in a certain place, and not being able to psyche yourself up for the the next season of your life. Yikes.

One thing that probably  kept the women sane in spite of all the “instability” at that time, however, one thing that perhaps made it somehow easier to follow God’s instructions, trust His leading and wait on Him for their next move, was the fact that they have seen God’s faithfulness as He led them. They have seen His character and knew that it was best to wait on Him (the times they got into most trouble were the times when they forgot to wait and trust!). They were able to trust God to be God, and so let God be God (except for some times of “rebellion” due to impatience on their part).

I know that the changes that have been going on in our household can be considered petty compared to some of the changes that some of you might be experiencing. While mine is just a matter of having to cope with some form of inconvenience in terms of our living conditions, some of you might be going through major transitions. For the other moms, it might be having to cope with changes in your kids as they enter different stages in their lives. For other wives, it might be changes in their husband’s career, or changes in the dynamics of their relationships. Again to some, it might be having to go through rough adjustments due to some loss in finances, or health, or someone in the family.  Just the same, I think that we can all learn from the women of the Bible. We can all rest in the fact that we have a God who is faithful. We have a God who is in control, who not only takes note of the changes that are going on in our lives, but is actually on top of all things. Most of all, we have a God who loves us and who will never leave us nor forsake us.

On a side note, I was initially concerned with how my kids will cope with all the change. I was expecting them to cry and look for our helpers, to perhaps complain about the instability. That was not the case at all. On the contrary, I don’t think they even considered anything as unstable. In their eyes, we have been on top of things. They are excited with the fact that they have no other “ate” to run to, only mom and dad. And they are okay because they can see and feel that mom and dad’s love for them remains constant. Ooh, how I want to say that “they’re okay because they are blessed with a mom whose character is very steady, who doesn’t snap nor gets stressed”….but God sees and knows EVERYTHING, so I will not go that route. O=)

How we can best cope with change is not all that different from how we can help our children best cope with what they feel is change. Just like us, they need to know that there is someone who is in control of things, someone they can trust, someone who is on their side, and someone who loves them unconditionally. It is good that they know that their mom/dad can be that someone, but it is best if they learn to look to their Heavenly Father,  to be that Someone.

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STUCK

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
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We were on our way to meet with a couple when we got a call from another newly-married couple who are good friends of ours. Dennis was already in the car when he got a call from the wife, crying and wanting to talk to me. I was still upstairs at that time, saying goodnight to the kids– so Dennis sent me a text message telling me to bring our other cellphone which allowed for unlimited calls. His exact message was “Bring [unlimited-call cellphone]. Emergency.”

Upon reading the message, several thoughts came rushing into my head. Dennis is not the type who easily panics. He also knows that I easily panic, so he is definitely not the type who would just text me the word emergency if there really was no real emergency. So I hurried downstairs and got into the car.

As soon as I got inside, I asked him what had happened. He told me that our friend called, crying about something, and that they got cut off before she could say why she was crying. I then got a message from her, asking me to call her as soon as I could. Dennis and I looked at each other with worry. We’ve never seen this friend cry before. We’ve always asked both her and her husband how their marriage was, and it has always been with a very confident “we’re doing great!” answer. Dennis and I agreed that if there really was something wrong, we would have to cut short our other meeting and go to their house (it was late into the evening already).

I dialed my friend’s number and waited for her to pick up the phone. When she finally did, I heard a sob before the word hello. I asked her what was wrong. “Bakit?”– was all I could say, in a soft, sympathetic voice. I heard another sob, followed by an attempt to clear her throat and her emotions so that I could understand her better.  Then she told me what was wrong.

“We’re Stuck.”

“What do you mean you’re stuck?”

She went on to explain that they had an argument and they both could not come to an understanding and clear resolve. They could not see eye to eye in this particular situation. They both felt that the other person simply didn’t get it. They were stuck.

She also explained that they both agreed that they were stuck and they needed an outsider’s perspective to somehow help them get unstuck. They both agreed to call us. She was to talk to me, and the husband was to talk to Dennis.

I processed her thoughts with her, while Dennis processed the husband’s argument with him. By the end of the night, they were back to discussing the matter by themselves, and came to an agreeable compromise. There was no need to go to their house after all. We got to relax and take our time with the other couple.

As it turned out, their issue was really not that serious, relative to what other people might consider serious. But we all know that in marriage, it is the small stuff that make a difference. If we can’t handle the small matters in a way that would show love and respect to both parties, we certainly wouldn’t be able to handle the big issues properly.

As Dennis and I were driving home, we were talking about how we knew this couple would have a great marriage. I’m guessing it took a lot of humility (especially on the husband’s part hehe) to both admit that they were stuck, to admit that they needed help, and to be willing to actually hear out another person’s perspective.

Humility in marriage would go a long way. We don’t need to wait for a pressing problem before we swallow our pride and ask for help. It is with the seemingly-trivial concerns that we get to practice this humility which doesn’t at all come naturally to most of us.

I am extremely grateful to have couples who take the time to mentor us even before we get to that point of being stuck. :)

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Commitment vs Covenant

Monday, February 2nd, 2009
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For the past couple of weeks, I have been bombarded with news about couples who are having trouble in their marriages. As I was praying for each of them this morning, two words came to mind: commitment and covenant. Then it hit me…

There are a lot of reasons why couples get into fights– finances, parenting styles, work and career concerns, intimacy issues….different things, at different levels. But a common denominator that we can note in all these issues is the lack of proper communication. And I say “proper” communication because it is so easy to assume that spouses communicate as long as they talk and seemingly listen; But it takes selflessness, humility, trust, and love for real communication to take place in a marriage. And of course, for all of this to happen, it takes a lot of time. Time, which can be equated with the word commitment.

I’ve noticed that a lot of times, husbands and wives find it difficult to set aside time for each other. When asked why, most say that though they do prioritize their spouses (so they say), it is just difficult for them because they have other commitments that they have to fulfill and be responsible for.

I agree– there are far too many things that we commit ourselves to, to the point that a lot of times these other commitments are placed at the same level as that of our marriages. We fail to remember that more than being a commitment, what sets our marriages apart from all the other commitments is that it is a covenant. A covenant is something that God takes much more seriously, as it involves not just both husband and wife, but God himself. When we fail to fulfill a certain “commitment”, there will be consequences, yes…but most of which affect us temporarily. When we fail to fulfill a covenant, on the other hand, the consequences have eternal and lasting repercussions.

God takes our marriage vows seriously. It is not just a contract we sign or a shallow promise we make. It is an invitation for God himself to bind two separates into one whole. That is why HE said “what God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mark 10:9).

God has purposed our marriages to be like that of His love relationship with us–unconditional and selfless, even to the point of death. He said that nothing in heaven or on earth can separate us from His love. He has made a covenant with us, and He has been taking it seriously since the beginning of time– and up until the end. I hope we all do the same. :)

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