Here’s another mother-daughter dialogue over lunch:

Alyanna:”Mom, why are you so quiet all of a sudden? Are thinking of how to fix our house?”

Me: “Hmm…not really, but yeah I’m also wondering about that, I guess…”

Alyanna: “But mom, you don’t have to! Our house is perfect!”

Me: “Oh, thank you! But when you say perfect, what do you mean? What makes you say that it’s perfect?”

Alyanna: “Well, because you’re special. So even when you’re just thinking about fixing, it’s already special. It’s already perfect to me. Does that make sense or you still don’t get it?” (She was so cute when she said this, so…feeling grown-up!!)

Me: “Hmm…Can you explain that some more please?”

Alyanna: “I said, diba you’re special to me? So that means whatever you think about, it’s special also. How you fix the house, it’s special to me na….so it’s perfect for me!”

This couldn’t have been a more timely reminder for me. As homemakers, we (or is it just me??) easily get caught up with trying to make the house look nice and neat, with the intention of providing our family with the best experience of “home”. I need to get all the countertops organized! I need to arrange this so it would fit perfectly and go with that! I need to fix this and work on that!

What Alyanna said struck me: our home is perfect, our home is special…because mom is special. She didn’t require for her room to have all the best stuff, nor her closet be filled with the nicest clothes, nor her shelves be lined with the most expensive toys. She didn’t mind the current mess that’s sitting in our hallway waiting to be moved before she could say that our house is perfect.

THIS….is “perfect”?!???

Our kids’ definition of perfection is different from how grown-ups would usually define it. Their perception of a perfect home is not based on how their house looks like, but about the people that make up their home— their family. In short, they would rather have me playing with them and sharing memories with them than me spending the entire time fixing our house or finding nice things to put in our house. They would rather have me and be with me.

Mom is special, and that’s what makes the home special!

And it doesn’t matter to them either that mom often make mistakes (in my case, a lot of them! hehe). To them, mom is perfect on the basis of her place in their hearts— because she is special. And as long as they are with mom (and dad of course), home is special….and perfect.

Whew! Thank God! No pressure na!

Finally!!! Internet!!!!

Something went wrong with our internet for almost a month. At the same time, we had our phones disconnected sooner than planned. So literally, I’ve been “disconnected” from the world for the past couple of days (or weeks??)….and it’s been great! It’s amazing how much more we get done when we take some time away from the things that were invented to supposedly help us get more things done (gets?). As a result of this “de-tech-xification”, I realized that I have to be more conscious of how much time I allot to the use of gadgets. I am not really a techie person, and I don’t enjoy just “surfing” the net and all, but once I do get online and a friend starts chatting with me, I really find it hard to say that I have to go when I really need to go.  That’s what keeps me online most of the time. And we all know that once we spend time on something, we are saying no to a lot of other things. Just because one can afford to say no to these other things and keep doing whatever it is we are saying yes to, doesn’t mean that it is the best use of our time, nor does it mean that it’s okay to keep at it. It’s so obvious, I know, but oh how I often need to be reminded!

With that, I’d like to say, “Thank you Lord, for allowing whatever it was that was hacked to get hacked (causing us to lose our internet connection), and for allowing dennis to wait  for more than an hour even if there were just two other people in line (causing him to get frustrated and have our line cut right there and then).”

I shall try to keep doing the following:

1. Turn on the computer, only before the children wake up and during our lunch breaks.

2. Stay invisible (Ssshhh!).

3. Stop clicking on links that will lead me to other links (Little Miss Input, right here!)

I’ve come to believe that the Rule of Three works best for me (is there really such a thing, or did my dad just make me believe this??). I find that it’s doable, it’s sustainable, it’s memorable….so let’s stick with these three and see if we can stick with this for at least 21 days, shall we?  Twenty-one is supposedly the number of days it takes for a particular thing to become a habit (or to break a habit), plus it is divisible by three, so we’re good.

I was trying to make sense of my schedule tonight. Without realizing it, I have been saying yes to people and yes to a lot of responsibilities since the beginning of this year (or has it been this way for a number of years now??), more than what is necessary. It’s so much easier to say yes, isn’t it?? I don’t have to feel bad for turning down some people or some tasks….as long as I say yes. Of course, it is also such a joy to spend time with people and to build relationship with them. My love language is time, so any invitation to hang out is difficult for me to say no to– especially when there’s food involved (correction: my love language is time AND food). Almost always, I am more than willing to spend my time doing things that I love, for people that I love (or I’d love to get to know and love)…and forget about how much time I can actually afford to give them. For example, I’d set an appointment with someone and tell that person I can meet her for an hour. An hour would pass, then two, then three..and I still would not be able to find it in me to tell that person that I have to go and do something else. I tell myself that I’d just adjust the rest of my schedule and try to offset whatever time was  ”lost” by waking up extra extra early or sleeping extra extra late. Of course we all know that this would domino down to the household duties, parenting duties, wife duties….and all other areas we still need to take care of. This happens with all other chores too. I love taking care of the home, so much so that I don’t mind not sleeping just to finish whatever task I am preoccupied with.

If I just look at things superficially, everything actually looks fine. It is good that I spend time with people. It is good that I make sure the house is orderly. It is good that I am with the kids practically everyday. It is good that I can do ministry stuff that I so love, in support of my husband’s work. It is good that my nights are more or less set to be with Dennis. It all looks good.

“Looks” good.

But I just know I need to do some tweaking. I feel I am spreading myself too thin, compromising whatever BEST I can actually give to my family.

So tonight I listed down everything that I have on my plate (I wonder why this sentence makes me want to go out and grab something to eat??). I ended up overwhelmed, having a whole web of words on my notebook! I actually had to solicit Dennis’ help, since he is my schedule-and-strategy go-to guy. He helped—–a bit. He was able to get two things off my plate, but that was about it. His conclusion was: “There’s really not much you can do about your responsibilities, except put a specific time for each of those names/tasks…or to put a specific name to your time.”

Gee. Thanks a lot. :I

No, really… Thanks a lot. Put a name to your time— I hate to be legalistic with my time, but this may be what I need to focus on in the next couple of months or so…get used to putting a name to my time, and not let another name take over.

Hmm….there’s a word for this……

Is it DISCIPLINE??

Ah. Don’t we all love this word?

Anyway, as I was attempting to make sense of my days, I began to wonder how I made it last year with everything that went on. It was by far the most unstable year for us and I could not even figure out how we managed to get by. Then I remembered my other mom-friends who have to work aside from having to fulfill their tasks at home. Then I thought of my other mom-friends who have a lot more kids than me, and also minister to a gazillion number of people.

I could only conclude one thing from tonight’s thought-processing: The only way for me to have had managed the way I did so far has been by grace, and that’s how I will continue to manage. The only way that all my other mom-friends (both working and stay-at-home) are making it is by grace. As my friend Belle would put it, “Best friend natin si Grace” (“Grace is our best friend.”).

I pray for all of you, mom-friends– both “working” in and out of the home, that grace will be your best friend.

That our definition of getting by is not just being able to manage for purposes of survival, but being able to manage with much joy… and our sanity well in tact, too. I pray that this week, we will be able to say no to the things that are really not a matter of life and death, and say yes only to the things that God calls us to do.

To summarize: Let us make this week Project Plato. For me, this would entail unloading some things off my plate, which God is not really telling me to do, and also– literally unloading my plate…. each time I eat.

We can do this!!!!

I just got word– it is the hard drive.

Here’s the thing.  I have four talks to do this month of February and the lessons are in that hard drive. I decided to get a new household help and I already have my own personalized “manual”– with English-Tagalog versions– and it is in that hard drive. All the lesson plans I have crafted from scratch in an attempt to get myself going and psyched-up for homeschooling– they are all in that hard drive. All the customized household management stuff I had made that suit my system of doing things? …In that hard drive. Files upon files of downloaded material from whatever “research” I have made– you guessed it! In that hard drive. Most of all, drafts and thousands upon thousands of pictures representing MEMORIES are in that hard drive.

I am asking myself, “Why did you not create back-up files?? How could you have been so careless??”

I guess the thought ALWAYS crossed my mind. It’s just that there was always something “more important” that I had to take care of at the times that that thought came up. And I am sure all those things that were “more important” that I just had to do were valid. They were not excuses I came up with just to avoid backing up my files. Who wouldn’t want to have the security of having back-ups??

Here’s the lesson here:

Some things may not seem as important as others….until they start screaming “Urgent!”

Another thing:

Some things will never even scream “Urgent!” or “Important!” ….You just realize they are, when they’re gone.

Also,

“Stuff” are just stuff, and will always be just stuff. They are placed on earth as tools to help us, thank you Lord for that. However, it is a dangerous thing to be so reliant on them, as many of us are (Yes! I’m talking to you Thammie!!!). They can just snap and break and….be gone. Just like that.

Reality check: Am I letting technology take over how I function??

….I think I’m just having withdrawal symptoms. That, or denial syndrome.

And my free day this month is…was…is….

nada!

tsk.tsk.tsk…

The word I seem to be using a lot this month is “DELIBERATE“.

With all the activities and parties this month, I have to be deliberate in making sure that we and the kids get to to enjoy each other more than we do the parties. I have to be deliberate in making sure that we don’t miss out on the beauty of being still, taking it slow, and just appreciating the love and joy this season brings. I have to be deliberate in sitting down to blog. I have to be deliberate in making sure our scheduled advent nights push through. I have to be deliberate in checking that we are not exceeding our set budget. I have to be deliberate in making sure I get to spend time with my God before the rest of the day becomes chaotic. I have to be deliberate in reminding myself that more than the activities, it is the relationships I have that matter most…specifically my relationship with God.

Yep! My magic word for this month is “deliberate”!

What about you, what’s your magic word?

Slept at 330am last night because Dennis and I watched The Apprentice. We planned to sleep at midnight but at the last minute decided that we might as well just finish the final episode.

After watching, I realized, “Okay, now that I know that Kelly won (yes, we just got to watch season 2 recently), will I wake up tomorrow as a better mom? Will I now be a better wife? will it help me manage my household better?”

……….So today, I threw out our TV.