In less than two months, we shall be having another addition to our family. Let’s see… I honestly have mixed emotions now. It’s funny because I actually feel like a first-time mom all over again. Of course, it is a given that we are beyond excited for the coming of our new baby. At the same time, I really feel so unprepared in the sense that this is the only pregnancy wherein I did not even grab any book regarding the topic, or about labor and delivery, or about newborn care. In all my other pregnancies, I allotted sufficient time to make myself feel “equipped” by at least reviewing some of the old books I’ve read in the past. I guess I’m a nerd that way?
This time it’s different. I haven’t had time to internalize and think about the preparations I need to make for our new baby. I did manage to somehow take care of the homeschool aspect. I’ve prepared their lessons ahead of time so our homeschool can still run even while I might be on autopilot mode as I anticipate sleepless nights once I give birth. But that’s about it.
Okay, that confession wasn’t really the purpose of this post. I think I just had to get that bit of guilt/anxiety off my chest– my way of giving myself a pat on the back and saying, “It’s okay, Thams. You’ve done this before. It’ll all come back to you naturally….*fingers crossed*…..Relax….You still have enough time…..”
Ah. Yes, the purpose of why I write this post.
I just really wanted to share with you all that we are having a………..nother BOY!!!! 🙂
I would have been very happy whatever the gender of course, but I was asking God for a boy for three reasons:
1. I wanted Isaiah to have a playmate.
2. I wanted it to be an even 2:2– two girls and two boys.
3. I already gave away all my baby girl stuff, and to buy girl stuff again would mean more expenses.
I wanted to share why having this boy is special because more than an answered prayer for me, this is an answered prayer for our eldest daughter. This was really a faith journey for her even before I conceived, and I wanted to share with you a little bit of how she journeyed through this, hopefully to encourage at least some of you. 🙂
Each time we would pray, Alyanna would always thank God that we were having a baby boy. Whenever I would ask her to pray that it would be a baby boy, she would say, “Lord, thank you that I do not need to pray for our baby to be a boy, because it IS a boy.”
She would always come up with boy names, and when her younger sister would tell her to also come up with a girl name– just in case, her response would be, “There is no ‘just in case’– it IS a boy.”
One time, during one of her “It IS a boy” declarations, I asked her why she seemed so sure it we were going to have a boy. She told me, “Because God promised me even before you got pregnant!” Of course I wanted to probe, so I did. “Really? When? How?” And she said, “Well, when I found out you wanted to get pregnant again, I asked God for another baby brother. So there. Because I already asked Him and He knows that’s what I really want, It’s like He promised me na.”
Wow. Talk about faith huh?
However, this level of certainty was shaken when she and her sister both had dreams that I gave birth to a girl. Alyanna told me that she was worried– what if it was God’s way of telling her that we were having a girl instead? I would have written this off as something so trivial, but I saw her reaction. She was really bothered. She said she knew she should be thankful no matter what, but she couldn’t help but cry at the thought of not having another baby brother. She said she couldn’t rejoice 100% if it wasn’t a boy. Once, when we were having this conversation over dinner, she said she lost her appetite and excused herself from the table– and I found out later on that she went to the bathroom to cry. If you knew Alyanna, she’s not the dramatic type. I have another Sy creature who holds that title.
“Mom. You don’t understand how much I want to have another brother. I’d be willing to give up a whole year of playing sudoku and reading books just to have another brother!”
At random times of the day, I find her pausing to pray that we would have another boy. According to her, those are the random times when she would suddenly remember our baby and get butterflies in her stomach at the thought of the baby’s gender.
She even made me promise that should our baby be a girl, I HAD to get pregnant again and make sure it was going to be a boy.
I was honestly surprised at how much having another brother meant so much to Alyanna, but I also know that God was using this situation to do something in her heart, as well as to stir up her faith and prayer life. This year, her top faith goals were:
- To have more faith
- To have a deeper prayer life
- To have another brother before Isaiah turned three years old
I think God used this season to answer this list.
Our schedule for having an ultrasound to check for the baby’s gender was postponed for a week, and as expected, Alyanna was a bit disappointed because she was really excited to finally know the gender. But I believe God allowed it to be postponed because it was during that week when something changed in her heart. She came up to me and told me, “Mom, I will be happy na whether we’re having a boy or a girl. I will love our baby no matter what.”
Something changed in her heart. Initially, she trusted that God would give her what she asked for, because she saw God as her Heavenly Father who could give her what she asked for. I admired that– her childlike faith.
But God did something more. God allowed her to go through a season of uncertainty– not really to shake her faith, but to strengthen it. God wanted to bring her from a place of FAITH to a place of TRUST where she could have full confidence not just in God’s capability but also in His character– that He is ultimately sovereign and good– whether or not she gets what she desires. This is childlike faith– to trust not just in the Father’s capability, but to trust the Father’s character.
When we finally found out that Alyanna’s prayers were answered and we were having a boy, I told Alyanna that I felt God wanted to name our boy Samuel, which means “asked of the Lord” and “God has heard“— as a reminder to her that God is a good Father who gives good gifts to His children…and that He answered and gave us a boy because she asked the Lord for him.
This is my encouragement for you, too.
God is a good Father who desires to give good gifts to His children. He tells us that His plans for us are always good, pleasing, and perfect.
Trust that He is capable of giving you your heart’s desires.
More importantly, trust His character. He is all-knowing, all-powerful….and He is faithful and loving.
He is our perfect Father.
You can trust Him. 😉