Can You Relate?


Today I would just like to encourage all the moms out there who, like me, may sometimes feel the “pressure” to  make sure their kids are not lagging behind (however this applies to you). 🙂

I remember when Alyanna was just three years old. Almost every time someone would ask her for her name and age, the next question would be “So, where do you go to school?” — always with the presumption that she was already going to school.

I don’t blame them. We do live in a generation where what has become normal is seeing tiny little kids always on the go, having their schedules packed with activities to ensure “maximum learning”. What was once unstructured playtime now always needs to have educational objectives. Far be it from us to waste any windows of opportunity for learning, right??

When we had our firstborn, I started to join this rat race. We provided all sorts of toys and activities to help “educate” Alyanna as far as our budget and time would allow (well, the budget part was not much, which was a good thing now that I think about it 🙂 ). Having had some background in childhood development, I would always have a checklist in mind as to which developmental milestones to expect, and which ones I could start working on already. Instead of looking at my child and responding to her interests and needs, I acted according to the textbook reference I had in mind.

The thing with this was whenever I saw how advanced Alyanna was, I would feel a sense of pride, as if any of it was credited to me. It was as if I could then pat myself on the back for a job well done, having so many check marks on my mental checklist.  On the contrary, each time I would realize that I failed to do what books would recommend I should have done at a particular “window” or magical age, I easily condemned myself and felt bad, as if the measure of my identity as a parent was my child’s academic prowess.

Something wasn’t right.

First of all, whether I felt good about myself or I put myself down— the fact that this was somehow about me and my performance as a mom did not sit right with me. Second, that fact that I based my identity on how my children would turn out was even more disturbing to me. Third, I figured that if I was doing all this out of fear that my children would miss out, or not thrive in a world that is so competitive…then that really isn’t a good motivation at all.

Of course, we all want what is best for our children. We all want to see our children succeed in life. We all want to make sure that when all is said and done, we have given our children our very best, having done everything we could for them.

But more than academic competencies, our children need character. More than proficiency, our children need to experience play. More than what they are learning, our children need to love learning.

And how do we give them these three– character, play, and love for learning?

By relating to them.

RELATE.

R- Read.

Read to them. Read with them. Reading to our children is one of the simplest yet most effective tool we have in teaching them.

E- Engage.

Engage their interests. How can they say no to something that interests them??

L- Love. 

Let me pause here for a second. I do not doubt that all of us already love our children. But I included this anyway, to remind us that the motivation of everything that we do should be this love that we have for them– not fear, not pressure, not expectations; Not what the world thinks or what the world might say. But unconditional love for them.

In addition, show them how it is to love– to really love those around them.

A- Attend.

Attend to their needs.  Be there for them. Spend time with them.

T- Train.

Train them towards godliness.  Discipline them, with the goal of training them to have Christ-like character.

E- Enjoy.

Play with them. Build memories with them. Enjoy them. Allow them to enjoy their childhood. 🙂

 

….Now, I’m sure by now you have realized that you are actually relating with your kids already. If so, then just……relax. 😉