Growing up, how did you imagine life to be?

How did you see yourself as a married woman? What kind of man did you dream of marrying? How did you envision the father of your children to be? What kind of life did you dream of living?

I’m sure all of us have answers to these questions. All of us grow up with a certain picture of how life would be for us. We all hope for a particular kind of life– either one just like what we grew up with, or one very much unlike it. Either way, we all desire something from life.

It’s no different when we talk about marriage. I do not know of a sensible person who starts a family without any goals and dreams. In fact, why get married if you don’t have any goals for your union, right? Let me use another word in reference to these goals and dreams– let’s name them “Desire”.

Desire is one thing that all of us have in common upon entering relationships. It is the one thing that keeps us excited and makes us look forward to the next day of being with that person we have fallen in love with. Desire is what makes us women especially look forward to that day when our man would ask us to marry them and we say yes. Desire is what makes men ignore their fears and decide to take on the challenge of being called a husband and soon, a father. Desire is a gift from God. Desire is a beautiful thing.

…BUT, we must be careful not to let these desires turn into something else. A lot of times, something magical happens when we get married; These desires take on a new name–”Expectation”. Unlike desire, expectation says “you have to do/give this or else…”. Expectation makes us lose that feeling of excitement and hope because now we wake up and everything is just an obligation that we have to fulfill. With expectation, wives tend to lose that sense of admiration and respect for their husbands because now he is just doing what he’s supposed to do as the man of the house. Expectation causes men to forget all about that unconditional love they promised to give their wives because now wives are just performing her duties. All of a sudden, all the joy, unity, intimacy, and beauty in a relationship fade because the desires have become something that God never intended.

God has loved us with an unconditional love– and He has commanded husband and wives to love the same way.

My prayer is that I will always remember to say thank you to my husband for EVERYthing he does for us–from getting me my favorite wheat pandesal, to trying his best to provide for us….and for our desires to remain as such, until the day they become reality for us.

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