Thammie Sy

Wow. I feel like I’ve been out of touch with civilization for a long time! (Well, it has been quite some time actually.) I was surprised to see that it’s been a week since I last dropped by.

Let’s see….so many stories to tell, so many blogs to write! Where do I start??

Oh! I can start by letting you know how glad I am to finally be back home, “reunited” with my love! (eep! cheesy!) Haha! One thing Dennis said when I got back was “Hindi na mauulit ‘to ha.” (This can not happen again.– emphasis intended) My trip was the longest one away from Dennis to date, and both of us are in agreement that we have no intention of breaking that record.

I have to admit that since I took a long break from reality as I know it  (and from writing for that matter), it’s quite a struggle to get my brain to start working again. I told my good friend Belle the other day how guilty I’ve been feeling since I got back, because I feel that I really didn’t deserve the break I just had. I mean, I don’t really work as one would normally define “work”. Also, I’ve been feeling like I haven’t been teaching Alyanna and Mika anything that a hardworking, structured mom would, in a formal, structured setting. It’s so tempting to condemn myself for not only failing to do those things, but for not being able to blog, too! — Even if the main reason why I wasn’t able to set aside the time was because I just spent time with the kids and some of my in-laws in a place where there was no internet and no gadgets to distract me.

I am thankful for friends who knock me on the head when there’s a need to. My friend simply told me to stop feeling guilty, period. I listened and told myself the same thing:

Stop it!

Ooh, don’t I always hear myself say that to my kids. I tell you, it does help to tell ourselves the same thing at times.

Having talked to other moms, I have found that this guilty feeling is not as uncommon as I thought it was. I’ve always thought that it’s just me who has these guilt moments, when it seems that the most appealing thing to do is to sit and sulk about how I have failed to do what I was supposed to, how I have failed to measure up to the expectations that I have set for myself, based on what I think are other people’s expectations of me.

When I snap at my kids when they get all rowdy and for some reason do not have the ability at that time to obey me at once…..I’m tempted to feel guilty.

When I let them watch TV longer than what is recommended by the many childhood experts…..I’m tempted to feel guilty.

When the last time they got to sit and “study” in a classroom-simulated setting was….uh…..way too far back that I don’t even remember when the last time really was…. I’m tempted to  feel guilty.

When my two-year old still doesn’t know that indigo is also one of the colors of the rainbow, because I never took the time to show her the chart about rainbows…. I’m tempted to feel guilty.

When I eat more than I should, as I always do….I’m tempted to feel guilty. (Obviously, it stays that way– just tempted, but never enough to make me do something about it! haha!)

I could go on and on and talk about things that make me feel guilty. Most would most likely sound trivial, while some could also be really serious, valid concerns. Again, I just have to stop it.

Moms, I can say that our generation now is very blessed, in a sense that a lot of us are able to choose to stay at home and really be with our kids 24/7. I remember chancing upon a particular site a few months back that considered being a stay-at-home mom as an occupation. There is truth to it. As moms, we are on-call anytime, every time….any day, everyday. It is precisely for this reason that we can expect to “fail” to meet the bar at some point, sometimes.

Let’s admit it. We are not perfect and can never be. We have set the standard for “good motherhood” too high, because our well-meaning selves really just want nothing but the best for our kids. The truth of it all though, is that if we forever go after that “World’s Best Mommy” award, we most probably will just end up tired and again, guilty and frustrated with ourselves.

As my good friend puts it, “We can never be the best mom in the world, but we can be the best we can be as moms.”

So when after reading this, you once again feel tempted to feel guilty for staying on the internet longer than you should have, stop it.

Just stop it, forgive yourself, and move on.

Try again.

And then you can once again be reminded of God’s grace.

Thank you Lord, for your grace is sufficient for me as I parent my children, and that your power in them (and in me) is made perfect in my weakness.