Go Ahead, Have Sex!


Okay, first of all, if you’re a minor and you just clicked on this link because you saw the title, you should know that this is actually written for your older brother or sister and your parents, but since you’re here…well, you might as well read on and I hope you learn something from this.  🙂 I must warn you, though…there are words that might not be suitable for your age…so wait, forget it. Just leave this page now.

——————————————*this is me giving you time to leave* 🙂 ——————————————–

“Go ahead, have sex”

…This is one thing that the world will start telling us once we start seeing someone. Why, I am surprised to learn that the world tells us that this is okay even if we’re not actually seeing anyone in the context of a real relationship!

Perhaps my surprised (and alarmed) reaction comes rather late, but still it is a reaction that I can’t help but express.

I have always known that there was such a thing as premarital sex. I have always known that a good percentage of dating couples engage in this act. But because I never had any romantic relationship prior to Dennis, I never fully grasped the idea and the reality of this. It wasn’t until I got married and started counseling people that I realized how wrong I was about the percentage I had in mind. It isn’t just a good percentage of dating couples who engage in premarital sex…it’s a significant one…so significant that the percentage of unmarried couples who are NOT into it is almost negligible.

But that’s not really the point of why I’m writing this. The greater cause of alarm for me is how once couples do get married and start having kids, a lot of them STOP having sex.

I’m thinking: Isn’t it so sneaky how the world tries to convince us that it is okay and in fact normal to engage in sexual acts even if you are not yet married, and then tell us that it is okay and also normal to neglect the sexual needs of your spouse once you are already married??

Sooo sneaky. And we wonder why so many relationships are on the rocks.

I heard something from Pastor Mark Gunger that struck me hard. It is about the idea of imprinting. He said that God has wired all of us in such a way that our very first sexual encounter imprints on us. It is like our brains were wired such that it automatically records the details, emotions, and context of our very first “experience”. This is primarily why it is not unusual to find husbands and wives who say they are dissatisfied with their sex lives, as they compare it to their “past experiences”. No matter how much we try to make it sound loving and nice, one of the forces that take on a main role when you engage in premarital sexual activities is lust (I’m sorry, I know it now sounds so….maniac-ish, the way I just put it. hehe). And also so sneaky, lust has a way of disguising itself behind excitement and love, and so we are fooled to think that it gives us the kind of satisfaction we need. If it was true that lust satisfies, how come one ends up craving for more and more and still feel empty afterward? More so, how come someone almost always ends up getting hurt by acts driven by lust?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that true satisfaction means you just stop wanting something completely after you have tried it. I think it is just the opposite. Once you find true satisfaction in something, you’ll love it so much that yes, you will still ask for it more and more, but you won’t feel empty afterward. You end up wanting it because you know that by it, you can get to know someone (your spouse) in a deeper level, and that by learning more about him/her you will then be able to serve him/her and love him/her better. It is the kind of craving that seeks not to satisfy itself, but seeks to serve the other. (Am I still making sense? 🙂 )

I know this is getting long, but all I really wanted to say is this:

1. To all the single people reading this:

Please, please, don’t stop fighting for purity and holiness in your relationships. Realize that God gave the command to hold off on sex until we get married not because He wants us to suffer and get impatient about it, but because He knows how HE has wired us, and therefore wants to protect us because He knows what is best for us. He knows that the rewards of waiting and following His design will be so worth it.

As we preserve ourselves, He is also preserving the BEST for us and our marriage.

2. To all the married people reading this (and I’m talking to you, too, tired and fatigued momma!):

Please, please… for your sake, the sake of your husband, and ultimately the sake of your kids…

GO AHEAD, HAVE SEX!

….and enjoy while you’re at it. 😉